i can't feel my legs or my fingers, the sickness in my stomach is slowly creeping up my chest, and i am sick. i got to see brandyn a few days ago, and i can't recall ever having felt so temporarily satisfied. but things turned bad as i left... he started screaming and things were being thrown at the walls, whether it was him or other things, i don't know. i'm bracing myself, trying to stop the shaking, the twitching, oh, god.. please make it stop. brandyn sent me this today, a link to his site on which he's been working so dilligently. ::flinch:: and all that i haven't eaten in the last few days comes back up to visit me this morning. i feel a bit better, but not really. one can't throw up pain and numbness, things that remain with you longer than you're able to bear. and these things never go away, they just eat at you until there's nothing left, nibble by nibble. you don't realize its happening until its too late. then BAM you're FUCKING DEAD. dead like the people who never come back, but are still alive. the stillness lies ahead of me, waiting, so close, it will take me someday, but intil then i wallow in my own vomit that made me tummy hurt.
how applicable to today's events:
"you gave him your blood
and your warm little diamond
he likes killing you after you're dead
you think I'm a queer
i think you're a queer
i think you're a queer
said i think you're a queer
and i shaved every place where you've been
i shaved every place where you been"
-tori amos