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| Mayor Welcomes First Prostitute and First Homeless Man To The Colony By: The Mayor |
| As I'm sure all of you realize, Today is a historic day for The Colony.... Today is a day that in Thirty years you will tell your half human half machine grandchildren.......... "I was There....." Yes Friends... Today is the day The Colony becomes a real city, Today is the day we welcome our first Prostitute and our first Homeless Man.... Rejoice! and ye shall be given the gift of hooker. As a man who loves hookers myself, I know what your thinking, 1) Where will this hooker be? 2) Will she accept Debit Cards? 3) Do we really need a hooker with all the sluts that all ready live here? The anwsers to all of these questions are yes. Except the first one, The anwser to that question is on the corner of Main St. and North Colony. Right where I can observe her at all times. I don't want to take all the credit for bringing a hooker to this town, because I couldn't have done it without all the liquor stores and registered sex offenders. But I will take most of the credit because this hooker is my very own neice. Tip her well. Now to my second announcement. Homeless bums. Thats right, New York has them, Detroit has them, and now The Colony Texas has them. Well, one, his name is Jimmy the bum. And he lives behind the old resale shop. Alot of people questioned the reason behind having a homeless man here, but I dont think they realize if we can't have a minor leauge baseball team, a homeless guy is almost as good. Go on, take the kids out to see Jimmy the bum and have some peanuts and cracker jacks as you kick him around or watch him urinate on the bed of newspapers he sleeps on. The possibilities are endless. So, I hope your happy, cause this is the last positive thing I will be doing for this town for a looooong time. Peace out bitches. |
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