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| Local Slacker Proclaims Self "King of The Cripples" BY:Randy Johansen |
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| Hey, Whats up? Alot of you may have seen me tooling around town in my wheelchair. You may have also nudged your friends in the side and laughed at the crippled guy in the wheelchair with the crown on. Well I have news for you, I'm not crippled, I'm just lazy, And the crown... I bought it last year, because I needed it to give legitimacy to my reign as "King of The Cripples" You may be asking yourself, "Why would someone want to be king of the cripples?" Well I'll tell you, It started about 3 years ago, I was sitting in my living room watching Montel, and I had some Pizza Bagel Bites cooking in the microwave, when they finished I got up to go get them and I said to myself, "Randy, What the hell, Is this what you wanted out of life?" Thats when I realized that it wasn't. What I wanted out of life was to be as lazy as possible. That meant no more walking from the living room to the kitchen, I bought my wheelchair later that day. Since then my life has changed dramatically. When I run out of liquor and pot pies, I am forced to go to the store, but thanks to my wheelchair I'm able to park right in the front of the store in the crippled parking spaces. Not only that but people get things off the shelves for me and my panhandling income has increased over 300%. Fuck yeah dude. Thats when I truely realized the potential of the Cripple. I started wearing the crown and going to the wheelchair basketball games and hospitals and cripple networking with all the cripples I could find. I tell them of my plan to rise up and use our disabilities to score free lap dances at strip clubs and front row seats when WWE Raw comes to town. As of now, no one has joined me but i dont fuckin need em. As long as I can ride around living the good life, I don't give a shit. |
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