After another abusive relationship (Mild compared to the last one, but most people that have been in an abusive relationship before, tend to repeat the patterns and mistakes of their past by picking the same types of partners), I am now married to a WONDERFUL man who respects me, has never tried to change me and would never hurt me. (And we just had a child in April 2005) If you are in a situation like I was, PLEASE trust in your strength and realize that YOU do NOT need to change. You are a beautiful person just as you are! The abuser is the one who needs to change. The self hatred that an abuser feels is directed towards someone else. By hurting others, they take the pain off of themselves. It took many years for me to figure that out and that it was not my fault. Once I began to regain my self esteem, I was able to forgive most of the things that 'Todd' had done to me and look at the truth hidden in the lies that he had me believing about myself. If anyone is confused about the mentality of someone being abused, refer to the subject of brainwashing. I sometimes, find myself feeling sorry for him, that he hates himself so much that he has to make others share his pain. I look at him now as a sick person. Someone that is weak & pathetic. I will never be able to forget what happened to me and even now, 12+ years later, I am still healing. Time does help and the pain will ease up, although it may never completely go away.
In the end, the only person my hate was hurting was myself. And in the end, 'Todd's' hatred will end up turning now turning onto him, ultimately killing him slowly & miserably.
A Prayer for the abused:
"Living God, lover of all you have created, we lift to you our prayers on behalf of women whose husbands have abused them through word or deed. Grant to them the courage to leave a destructive relationship, the perserverance to struggle to create a new life, the hope of tender love once again." -unknown author
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies within us while we live."
- Norman Cousins
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