| My conversion to being an Agnostic....My story... What is an agnostic you wonder...well, in a nutshell, an agnostic is a doubter. An agnostic relies on knowledge. An agnostic believes that there is no proof to show that there is a god and no proof to show there is one. (and NO the Bible doesn't count-lol) An agnostic thinks logically other than with feelings. I lean more towards there may be a god rather than there is not one, but I do not doubt the possibility either way. What brought me to this philosophy you ask. Basically, all religion is man made with errors and cannot be proven. I want to say right not that this is my personal story I am sharing and my opinion. I refuse to answer any email trying to argue points on religion or why you think you are right and I am wrong. I've heard it all before. It's a waste of time and I will not respond to those kind of emails. And if you do not like someone expressing their opinion with free speech, then I recommend you take your sensitive butt somewhere else. If you want to know why your religion is FAKE and a 'cult' then you can do your own research as I did. On my links section I have listed some resources to get you started. I do NOT have time for debates. All that said, when I was very young I was a Christian. I went to church every sunday with my mamaw and during my early teen years I was very wrapped up in the church. I did not know alot about it but felt that if I did not go I would 'burn in HELL'. (lol) I thought of hell constantly, I had nightmares. I gave away all of my 'sinful' music (including weird Al- LOL) Eventually, I just gradually shifted my interests onto something else as I was miserable. Then for about 15 yrs I considered myself a Wiccan. I had Wiccan beliefs but did not fully practice it. I lost interest after awhile and decided I could not swallow everything about it. It just wasn't for me. Then I thought that if god isn't found there then I must have picked the wrong religion. I tried a variety over the course of time. I was desperate for answers to my confusion. "Where are you, god? Are you here?"...I tried Hinduism. But, I couldn't go with the idea of worshipping some blue dude named Krishna or a guy with an elephant head (Ganesha). Plus, bathing and feeding the statues seemed really pointless and strange. I tried Buddhism which is a philosophy not really a religion. But, it was empty as there was no god to worship in it. I meditated ALOT and got nowhere. ooommmmm...It lost its pizazz so I moved on. Where are you, god? I had such emptiness as I truly felt in my heart there was a god but I could not find him. I became very depressed. One night, I laid down to sleep. I prayed before I went to bed to god to show me what way to turn to as I couldn't find him anywhere. The last thing on my mind before I went to bed was that question, so of course, it brought me to have a dream about it. And guess who came to me? Yep! Good ole' Jesus of Nazareth. Hallelujah! I awoke and my depression was gone as I was under the illusion that god had spoken to me in my dreams personally and had sent me a vision. He had sent me a sign! It was a miracle. (lol) I was to get my butt into church ASAP and Jesus would make everything alright. Wrong. It got even worse. I began attending church and immediately got a 'god high'. I thought I had found all the answers, was going to 'heaven' and everything would be peachy keen. I did not know about the Christian faith much but I became obsessed with the Bible. I became a Jesus Freak. I began attending different churches so I could attend as much as possible. It wasn't that I was happy doing that stuff but because I thought that way was the 'right' way and I had to. Christianity turned me into an asshole. Outside I was sweet but inside I was judgmental and against anyone that wasn't a christian. I wanted only christian friends to keep the 'evil' outside world away. I prayed for and tried to convert people. I worried my Dad was burning in hell or my family would if they didn't accept Christ. I couldn't wait for Jesus to come back (He claimed to in the NT and did not) to take us perfect CHristians away. I judged people by what they wore, if they cussed, if they sinned or if they went to church enough. My values changed dramatically. I was against homosexuals (Even though I am bisexual) democrats etc...thinking only us fundies were right. It made the world seem ugly to me. It made it less beautiful. I began to have anger towards anyone that wasn't christian. Those damn sinners are ruining this country! I would think. I thought that if everyone just turned christian then the world would be better off. I constantly felt guilt no matter how much I prayed. I dwelt over sin Alot...Is this a sin? Did I sin? Is doing that a sin? sin sin sin sin! I acted and told people I was happy and put on a fake smile but inside I was miserable and suffocating. It did not give me freedom as it claimed. It made every act in my life a prison. My old self was gone and replaced by it was a non-thinking robot that never questioned anything because christians told me it was a certain way and the Bible said it was so. I was told I needed faith--which I see now why that is so important in the Christian doctrine. I mean, the Bible is infallible, right? Uh...NO. I read many books on Christianity and the Bible itself 5 times. The more I read the more I began to have doubt. I found much in that book hard to swallow way beyond any common sense or reasoning. I could not believe that 2 people would be tempted by some talking serpant to eat the fruit of some magical tree that god put there himself. WTF?! There were many stories like that I could not believe. The more I dwelt on them, the less sense they made. Christians can always see when others are beign brainwashed in a cult but they fail to see that they are in one because they have a fear-a fear of hell. Fear is a great way to control the masses. It is ironic that the one thing that turned me against my own religion was studying it. I studied history, theories and opposing arguments on the Bible. THe more I studied, the more I saw that was very wrong with this religion. I didn't want to believe it at first. I recall the first thing I had trouble with was believing Jesus was the son of God. I understood the concept fully but it had loopholes in it and was complete nonsense--it made no sense. To page Two |