GET THE GREAT LITTLE PEEKS
INTO MY TWISTED WAY
OF EXISTENCE RELATED TO
MERCURY, MY STORIES AND
THE PAGE.
In 3 days I am 30 and youth will be gone by forever. Yea, go figure what I feel like.
Where are these years when me used to be 25 and we fooled around in these chatrooms
and 10 times per day could say "25" when someone asked. Hell, I miss that so bad.
And seeing the sisters...
Mentally you really grow up but like chance said he is 25 and feels like 10. I feel like eternally 26.
A bit more mature than 25 but.... Ah, come on, what a shite topic, only those who head for their
fifties should really think about this shit. I'll be yet (YET) the same ol' Pr0n collecting dude when
I am becoming 30 in 3 days.
But evil crap happened in January. Maybe even already in the end of December.
My feelings for Ami have slipped away. As a result of my disease. If you don't know yet (How
should you, lol) I suffer a rare symptome of joy-unableness. Can't translate it, it takes your ability
to laugh and to cry away, or better the emotions that cause it.I cannot remember the last time I felt not empty in myself. When I talk about "I was happy" I mainly mean I knew that I would've been happy in that particular moment if I had been able too. Same with crying. I can't be sad.
However there is a way to make me cry, I call it soul tickling. I cannot say if people would usually not like it, I think not, it hurts in the beginning, but then I feel my eyes go wet, and that's the greatest feeling I can "synthetically" produce. I get it myself ever few months by looking the Sailor Mercury Video "Blue", mixed by Aluminum Studios. Ami touches my soul then. It hurts but the emotions that bring me to cry are such a change from the everlasting emptiness that I totally adore and enjoy to do it. Did it yet the day before yesterday, it was fantastic. I had wet eyes. I realized
I still love Ami. As my disease grew further on, I just cannot feel the love anymore, so I must re-
member it.I know, it must sound hard to imagine, but believe me this disease is yet even harder to
live with than just to imagine it.
I hope I will find new motivations to write more stories, as you must keep in mind with emotions reduced drastically once again (every few months a new step...) my sex interest is virtually zero.
There were I didn't lay my gf for a month or two, I cant remember when I kissed her last, must've been a half year or maybe even a full year, I am so betrayed of my life I hate this disease, trust me. >:'(