Larry to John McCain: “He is very praise-ful of you.”
November 18, 1999:
Larry to Alan Dershowitz: “Alan, do they prosecute more zealous… with more zell… with a zealous approach… with a zealot-type approach in this kind of case?” It’s called an adverb… just add '–ly'.
December 3, 1999:
Victoria Gotti, daughter of crime boss John Gotti, and self-styled writer and law student: “Anger was too less of a word. Invasion was too less of a word.”
Victoria: “I won’t let that.”
Larry: “Does he think this has to do with his ethnicicity?” Or maybe his ethnicicicicicicity.
January 1, 2000:
Larry to Bill Gates: "Do you know where your interest in this came from? Were you the kind of kid who in 8th or 9th grade wanted to see the science class?"
January 3, 2000:
Larry: "What do you think about the millennium, this whole concept?"
Larry to motivational speaker Anthony Robbins: "Why do [New Year's] resolutions not resolve?"
January 5, 2000:
Larry: "Tonight, Elian Gonzales. From New York, Reverend Joan Brown, who had dinner last night with Castro. And Elian's dad from Miami… uh… Elian's father was with her in Havana. From Miami, one of Elian's aunts." Punctuation is important, Larry.
January 6, 2000:
Animal guy Jack Hanna shows his cougars: "These are cougars, or mountain lions. Cougars, mountain lions, pumas: they're all the same animal."
Larry: "What's next...? The cougars!"
Jack Hanna: "Those were the cougars."
Jack Hanna: "Here's a bobcat. See its short tail? Its bobtail? That's why it's called a bobcat."
Larry: "So why's it called a bobcat?"
Jack Hanna: "Here we have an owl."
Larry: "Is the owl an animal? I mean, it's not a bird!"
Larry reflects on owls: "Wise old owl. That's why they called them 'Wise' potato chips. Named 'em after the owl."
 |
Now, which is more likely: that the Wise family took the owl as their emblem, or that a potato chip maker arbitrarily chose an owl as a logo and then adopted the attribute traditionally associated with the owl (ie wisdom) as the name of the product? Causality anomalies 101. |
January 7, 2000:
Larry on the Doles' presidential endorsements: "Is there a chisolm between Elizabeth and Bob Dole?" They met on the Schism trail.
January 15, 2000:
Larry: "Joining me from Atlanta, Reverend Jesse Jackson gives us his practical and spiritual pointers for accumulating wealth." And spending it on your secret love child.
Larry: "What makes a good mayor?"
Former NYC mayor Ed Koch: "A mayor has to be a good administrator, but he has to have a heart. Regrettably, Giuliani is a good mayor in terms of delivering services, but he has the heart of the Tin Man of The Wizard of Oz, and that prevents him from becoming a great mayor." Easy to mock in retrospect.
Larry: "One of the great novelists, in my opinion, is John Irving. His book, The Cider House Rules, is a terrific book and even better movie, if that's possible. [...] One of the best movies I've seen in a long, long time is The Cider House Rules, with Michael Caine and a great cast. It is a -- book was written by John Irving, who also wrote the screenplay, who also wrote the book My Movie Business: A Memoir. Basically it's about writing a novel and also writing a screenplay. And John, we'll begin -- after congratulating you on a great movie -- by -- I interviewed Erskine Caldwell once, and he said a screenplay and a book is apples and oranges."
Larry: "Yes, the controversy being a -- your hero, in a sense, and there are wonderful heroes in this books, commits abortions long ago?"
Larry: "And you're working on a screenplay now of what book?"
Irving: Son of the Circus.
Larry: "One of the few Irving books I have not read. Why India?"
Irving: "Well, it's set there."
Larry: "May I say it's a privilege to read you, and you're now a brilliant auteur of the screenplay. The Cider House Rules is magnificent. Thanks very much, John."
Irving: "Thank you."
Larry: "John Irving -- what a book, what a film."
January 20, 2000:
Larry to David Crosby and Melissa Etheridge on possible addictive nature transmitted to their children: "It is true that it's genealogical, isn't it?"
Larry to Julie Cypher (Melissa's partner): "You absolutely did not have physical intercourse to perceive this child?"
January 22, 2000:
Larry: "Dick Thornburgh, in this area of general discussion, is capital punishment a plus or a minus?"
January 28, 2000:
Larry on family structure: "What's normal, since jets, and television?"
Winona Judd justifies wearing a fur coat: "Well, this is faux. Can you say faux?"
Larry: "What's 'faux' mean?"
January 31, 2000:
CNN reporter and aviation expert Carl Rochelle: "Losing an engine is of course dangerous, but not fatalistic." His tongue is a lethalistic weapon.
Larry: "You've tuned in to watch Larry King Live. This is me."
Mary Schiavo, air transport activist with a problem with all these figurative agencies, on the NTSB:
"Literally they are going to take command of the situation."
...and...
"The NTSB will be literally helping gather all the wreckage."
...and...
"Literally anybody or anything that touched that plane is now going to be under review."
...and...
"Literally they're covering all bases."
...and finally...
"If there is evidence of foul play, the NTSB has to take literally a secondary role [to the FBI]."
*The title for this month comes from the January 3 and January 31 shows.
Here are some alternate titles for this month:
-- Why do resolutions not resolve?
-- Is the owl an animal? I mean, it's not a bird!
-- The chisolm between theDoles
-- Inheriting genealogical diseases
-- Perceiving children by artificial insemination