Untitled
2/12/04
it's funny how God puts things in perspective...
again.
how things that seemed so big now seem so little.
...and life is what we're really talking about.
...the experiences that embitter us for so long...don't leave room to remind us what really matters.
...i feel so stupid. so ignorant. so selfish.
i apologize to all whom i've ever hurt, felt bitter towards, have been angry with, whether it be with my words, my actions or how i've felt towards you with my own hurt.
this is life we're talking about.
let us love one another with the time we have here on earth.
it is so short...too short. sometimes.
to be wrapped up in ourselves, to be living as if we'll live forever...and the petty things that envelop our minds on a daily basis, are not worth it.
it's one of those days where i just feel completely...stupid.
forgive me for my selfishness.
my blindness...my insensitivity. my foolishness in my assumptions.
i'm letting the bitterness go...in all circumstances.
my time here on earth i will spend loving.
this is life. lets embrace every day as if it were our last.
let us love with the love God has given us to love with.
patience. kindness. forgiveness. compassion. love.
love always
-becki
2/5/04
i'm tempted to quit writing again...haha cause whenever i write when i'm happie it comes out awkward ^_~ i always found my depth in my writing when everything went wrong...
and when i'm happie...i'm able to revert to what's pure and silly...what's childish and innocent...what i love most and love kidding about most. i have different voices to my writing which i think is very evident sometimes...
mm...iono :)
i will write about one thing...i went to the elementary/middle school past george street, Redshaw Elementary. i was so nervous...this was for my Rutgers Readers program and they assigned me 2nd grade...
and when i walk in there's like...20 different lil squishies...
and i can't stop smiling...
haha some of them are so mischievous ^_~ one of the boys gives me an apple and then the other boy was like "miss becki! don't take it! he kissed it before he gave it to you" and then the next minute i'm having to pick up..haha not literally pick the children up but they're playing with the cubes on the floor haha and then they're talking about how this one stole his pencil and how he really gave it to him and how this girl is chewing gum and she's not supposed to and i hear a million "miss becki, miss becki"
but i think deep inside...i really adore the experience...
i think i get along really well with the teacher...it turns out he was in the nursing program and switched to teaching... it's so funny b/c you watch his personality completely change once we're outside the classroom...i don't think he's that much older than me, but he's really cool...oh ! and most of the kids are hispanic and there's a spanish teacher who comes (mad scary!!) and she can see that i'm so intimidated and she's like "don't be scared, i just teach very strictly" hahaa....
oh man. ^_~ my poor poor spanish skills...
i think i learned most of their names ^^ okay, work in half an hour, been busy ^_^ with love
-becki
2/3/04
haha *siGh* i find some of my writing so embarassing. must find time to edit ^_^
i realize whenever i find my writing stupid is when i'm talking about boys ....[?] [boys?][stupid?] who knew the two would go together so well *a huge OHHHH goes over in the crowd* hahaha j/p j/p
man. mm...
my brother called me the other day. it's odd b/c he left a message saying that he just wanted to talk. he never left me a message like that before...iono. i never realized how cute my brothers act towards me til now. my oldest brother used to try to write letters to me when he was first starting college...and my other brother takes me on shopping trips and offers to buy me rutgers wear.
i feel spoiled as a younger sister. blessed? haha..a lot of things ^_^ classes are actually really interesting this year...i feel like i'm missing out on so much by not taking a polysci class or a art history class...b/c that would be the feeling i would have if i wasn't in my philosophy class or my economics class...
you never realize how much you really don't know until you take a class and realize the depth of it's value. soooo friggin interesting! hahaha...i'm a dork ^_^ my therapeutic massage class is amazing too!! she was talking a lot about relaxing and lately i've been on edge and unable to control it...
and going to that class put a lot of things in perspective....
i can't really write too much more...oh except that i'm officially in the Rutgers Readers program where we will be going to an elementary school and working with children ^_^ i'm really really nervous...
aa! lil squishies...am i cut out for this *?* iono!
with love
-becki