THE DASTARDLY PLOT AFFAIR
Illya Kuryakin was mystified. He could not explain the
phenomenon, why it was happening to him, nor who
was behind the dastardly plot.
When he woke that morning, he was taken aback to see what
appeared to be a foil-covered chocolate bunny on his bedside dresser.
Since the bunny wasn't there when he went to sleep, he
instantly grabbed his gun from under his pillow, sprang out of bed, and
searched his apartment for intruders. As it happened, the place was infested with intruders!
Scattered throughout every room was a platoon of
foil-wrapped chocolate chicks, lambs, ducks and even more bunnies in a variety of sizes. He checked every door and
window for signs of a break-in yet the house was secure, his security alarm
intact and operational.
His first thought (after THRUSH), was that his friend and
upstairs neighbor was playing a practical joke on him---however, Napoleon Solo
was on a mission in Paraguay and would not be back for several more days.
He considered contacting Napoleon to ask his opinion on all
this except he didn't want to sound ridiculous discussing bunnies and
chicks---especially if his partner was under fire.
Leaving everything where he found
them, he quickly dressed and left for work. He'd have to puzzle this out
later. As well as why there was a 4-foot stuffed brown rabbit sitting in
the passenger seat of his car...
<><><><><>
"Excuse me, Mitzi..." Illya said to Napoleon's
secretary. "Did you happen to notice anyone entering my
office...?"
"No, but I'd be shocked if they did. There are
only two offices no one would dare
enter for fear of their lives. That would be Mr. Waverly's office, and
yours! Why, is something missing?"
"Not missing.
Something was added," he showed her a packet of bright yellow marshmallow
chicks.
"Maybe you have a secret admirer!"
"Yes, well, I do not care for
secrets. Thank you, Mitzi. Oh, have you heard from Napoleon?"
"He checked in on schedule from
"Alright, thank you," he returned to his room at
the end of the hall. Closing the door behind him, he picked up the large
basket he found sitting on his desk stuffed with more chocolate bunnies, plus
handful upon handful of tiny foil-covered chocolate eggs. He guesstimated
the whole thing weighed two pounds...
<><><><><>
Arriving home that evening, Illya parked in the garage
of his apartment building. Shutting off the engine, he looked at the
brown bunny, still sitting in the passenger seat.
He contemplated leaving the childish toy there, not knowing
what else to do with it. He had run a scanner over it at U.N.C.L.E.
Headquarters and it was determined not to conceal any bomb or recording
devices. With a resigned sigh, he unfastened its seatbelt and hauled it
up the elevator on his hip.
Approaching his front door, he found a folded sheet of paper
taped over the peephole. Taking it down, he frowned at the handwritten
instructions:
You---and your friend---are cordially invited to
dinner. Come on up!
~~Napoleon~~
Illya showed the note to his 'friend'. "Follow
me," he deadpanned, backtracking towards the elevator...
<><><><><>
"I was right," Illya said, crossing the threshold
into Napoleon's penthouse. "You are
responsible."
"‘Hello’ to you, too,"
Napoleon closed the door and set the alarm.
"When did you get back?"
"Yesterday afternoon,"
Solo said, placing a hand on Illya's shoulder and steering him into the dining
area. The table was already set for two with a dumb waiter nearby loaded
down with covered dishes, ready for serving.
"If I may," he took the rabbit from the Russian's
arms, secretly pleased Illya was reluctant to let the toy go.
"So while I slept," Illya said, watching his host
set the bunny on a recliner, "you broke into my apartment and hid candy
everywhere?"
"Appalling lack of reflexes you have, by the way.
I was sure you would fly out with your gun at any moment!"
"I was asleep in my own bed," the blond said
tersely. "I like to think at least there I can let my guard down."
"Don't worry. You're always safe with me,"
he gestured for Illya to take a seat.
"May I ask why you felt the need to do this?" he
sat down.
"Didn't your mother hide
Easter candy for you to find when you were a child...?"
"I was never a child."
Napoleon laughed as he was meant
to. "Well, it was a tradition in the Solo household, but because I
don't have any siblings or nieces and nephews to pamper, I decided you would
make a fine substitute."
The warmth in his friend's voice
stirred Illya and he looked down shyly.
"Thank you, Napoleon.
It was very much appreciated. And it did
bring back fond memories of when my mother would wake me to say the Easter bunny
had come to visit and left me something..."
"It was my pleasure. I was enjoying myself,
playing hide-n-seek with you. I couldn't put things in your office till
you went to lunch. Then I had to make everyone I came across
swear they hadn't seen me. I almost felt like a spy!"
Illya laughed.
"I am sure you would make an
admirable one. After all, I was quite stumped trying to figure out who
would lavish me with candy---if not you. Now a home cooked meal...?"
"It's a bit early for us to
celebrate Easter, but I wanted to observe the day while we can."
Pouring them both a glass of wine, he added, "I particularly wanted to
celebrate being with my good friend, again!"
"Da.
To good friends," Illya lifted his glass---to Napoleon, and to the bunny
who would forever be a reminder of this wonderful day...
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