before you go, you might want to warm up.

1. Listen to your favorite lyrics. If these are any boy band lyrics, forget it. If they are brainless stuff like, "I'm going to rip your head off and use it as a crack pipe! Arararagh!" then forget that too. It won't work at all. Inspirational lyrics can be any kind of music (excepting boy-bands, Britney Spears, etc.) that have deep (key word here) lyrics and make you think about things. This will get you in a creative mood. If you don't usually listen to music with thoughtful words then try reading poetry or going online and looking up stuff.

2. Recover distant memories of times when you have been emotionally hurt. These may be painful but it doesn't matter. Relive the hurt, the anguish, all of the melodrama. Play the scene over and over in your mind. Aside from your newly creative mood, this will get you in a depressed and pessimistic mood. It is good if you refrain from human contact while doing this, and to keep the natural sunlight to a minimum.

3. Write all of your negativity down. All of it. In your own words. Draw upon every negative feeling you have ever experienced and put it on the page. Focus on filling the page with anger, hate, broken-heartedness, sadness, depression, malice, masochism, anything. Then read it over. If any part of it is positive, change it.

4. Look at the everday things around you. Find things to describe, be it the first thing that caught your eye or the plastic flamingoes on your lawn. Look at the routines you follow each day. Look at the situations surrounding you and then see them through an outsider's view. Write all of this down too.

5. Grab a rhyming dictionary and a thesaurus. Then go back over the stuff that you wrote and change the wording around to make it rhyme, or arrange it in clever little patterns and structures. Make all of the little words big words. Make it sound like a professional wrote it. Use many similes and metaphors. Compare things. Describe everything elaborately, down to the most minute detail. If it is a ten-dollar bill, or a piece of paper, or a crumb from your Doritos, make it sound very glamourous. Scrutinize the texture, color, sound, and anything else.

6. Make a cut-rate, half-wit web page using tools supplied by other domains and put all of your "work" on it.