Am I a bad person? I'd like to think I'm not ... I'd like to think I'm not cold either, but Allison thinks I am. I'll never be able to embody the person I wish I could portray - I always fall short of my expectations. I feel so repetitve in here, I can never remember if I've written about it before or just analyzed it so critically in my own mind that it feels like I've wrote it down.
<rant>I wish I was beautiful, and intelligent, and charming, and sexy. I wish I was everything that I'm obviously not. I wish I was thin. I wish I had closer friends at school, and that my two closest friends lived nearby. I hate that the guy who's so complimentary and "flirting" (if you consider online flirting flirting), is a faceless person in my mind. I wish we could have met in real life. I wish that I could live up to the ideas that my guy friends seem to have about me - "Megan, you'd be the perfect girlfriend". Then why won't people ask me out? I wish that the things they said were demonstrated by other guys. I wish the guys that told I'm beautiful would follow through. I wish I was somone else. </rant>
I wish I wasn't annoying myself so much.
Later
Ben and Sarah and Hasan and etc are all back from Disney. Hasan is really odd, lol. He keeps going "I'm going to pierce my buttocks", "I'm going to pierce your buttocks", "You're going to pierce my buttocks". It was funny though. And he has the most comfortable shoulder of my guy friends - that I know of, lol.
At rehersal today I got a bunch of hugs, and it made me feel better. I love hugs (HINT HINT TO ALL MY GUY FRIENDS) :coughs:.
Layney's home! (my cousin) Her bridal shower is this Saturday, and we're going over to my aunt's house tonight to have dinner with her. I can't wait to see her! She's cool. I can't believe she's getting married; she's only like 23 or 24. And it's Layne! I can't picture her married, or having kids ... she's like the big sister I never had, and I was her little sister. I'm the oldest, and she's the youngest in our families. Eep, 4 days Sally.