Just a Thought

There has to be a point in life where you stop crying. No one can just keep on crying and crying, although the feelings still linger there, the tears have to stop. I wonder why this moment does not come. Do I have an endless supply of tears? Is there such a thing? There must be, after all I do have an endless supply of pain, deception and regret. It’s only natural that with these things comes along the physical act of showing all emotion; this must be why I’ve cried for days. On some level it makes sense, somehow cursed. It does not seem right, but who am I to judge? After all I mean nothing. I’ve done nothing with my life. I do not deserve to be happy. I’ve wasted all the good that has been given to me. It’s not like I wanted to. It just happened. Somehow I just had to screw up; I just had to push everybody that cared about me away. This is why I am here alone, hating myself. Wanting to wipe every particle of my existence off this earth with every single meaningless breath I exhale. Wanting to disappear, simply disintegrate into the beauty that is space. Maybe then I will be part of something beautiful and grandiose. Maybe then I will be enough for myself. I’m just waiting to become what I already feel inside and already am. Waiting to become total oblivion…

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