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“Pain is the only thing that’s real.” he whispered softly in her ear.
She had heard this a thousand times before. Every time someone told her this phrase her insides shrunk a little bit more and her eyes saddened, but this time her reaction was different; it was intense. Her heart beat became slower and her blood pressure slowly grew. Even though she did not cry as light hit her eyes you could see a watery gaze. She knew this chemical reaction happened to her because deep down she knew what he was saying is true.
She wanted to have faith in all those beautiful emotions she read about in fairytales as a child. I’m sure you read them as a kid as well, the usual: family support, friendship and above all, true love. Then she felt a little betrayed since each one of those cute feelings and affairs she had searched for had failed. Every single person that entered her life had managed to disappoint her in some way. The ones that didn’t were always taken away from her somehow.
She had most of the advantages others desired. She was indeed a beautiful young girl; she had a nice figure and a sweet face most models envied. She was always like an angel looking down on everyone else, observing them, learning from them and trying to protect them. She always managed to look at them with her sad auburn eyes that always maintained that state of sadness and tragedy.
“I don’t want to believe that just yet, there has to be a place out there for you, and even one for me. God did not put us here to suffer.” she answered shakily as a tear slid down her porcelain skin.
It’s ironic how she had every reason to just give up on life itself and yet she spoke with such passion and fire inside of her. Still, if you listened well enough you could hear in her voice a little bit of doubt. She didn’t believe in God, if he did exist he never gave two shits about her. Still she thought that maybe, just maybe, if she said out loud the idea of someone watching after her and caring about her would feel right again. I mean a powerful being always taking care of her and making her do the right decisions. She was obsessed with the idea that maybe she could regain the faith she had once lost.
“Bullshit! You know I speak the truth; you’ve been living a fucking lie! I know you don’t believe in God, please…I know you way too well. I know you’re smarter than all that crap about religion. Please open up to me, you know it’s what I want.” as he said this he came closer to her and sweetly caressed her face.
She looked straight at him. He was a young man of an average height and quite handsome if I may add. He had long black hair and powerful dark eyes. She saw so many things in him. She saw a scared little boy inside asking for someone to tell him everything was ok. She saw a tormented soul and she saw darkness in him but above all she saw a loving man. She knew she was slowly falling in love with him but she was afraid that he only looked at her as a sister and nothing more. He pulled away from her and continued to speak.
“You may think of me as a masochist but the reason I like to feel pain is because it reminds me I’m still alive. Don’t get me wrong, when I’m with you I want to take care of you and just hold you but… humanity just makes me sick! You’re the only person I can really talk to about this and open up to. You will always be my little sister.” he said as he teased her by messing up her hair.
She nodded and kept her thoughts to herself. She thought his ideals were bizarre but she admired them. In fact, she had always admired him for everything he knew about life and what he had gone through. She still was disappointed once again in hearing him say those words. She wouldn’t have minded staying there forever with him, but she knew she would say something she would regret. She got up, kissed him on the cheek and said she had to go.
They went their separate ways.
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