About A Boy

As his body is on top of mine I can feel his rapid heartbeat on my chest. His soft pink lips lock with mine and deprive me of my deepest breath. I’m caught in the moment, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. I let him guide my body since I know I’m in good hands. I can feel the mood intensifying as time goes by. I can feel his nervousness and I think he can feel my internal fears. When I’m with him nothing else matters and when he holds my hand I feel like I won’t end up alone after all. I know all my past mistakes and I’m even more determined to not screw this up, not again, not this time. I want to tell him how I feel and what I want from him but the words just don’t come out. Sometimes I think its better to just show him with the simplest yet sweetest acts of affection. I decide it’s better for me to go before we continue. I tell him I have to go and he looks at me with his dark eyes but understands. Although I wanted to stay there with him forever I decide to do the right thing and I left.

When I don’t see him I feel incomplete, look how pathetic I’ve become. I’ve always said apathy is the best way to go, yet that’s not me. It never has been and it never will be. Yes, I admit I feel too much, I care too much but that’s just who I am and I can’t change the things that compose what I think is a pretty decent human being. I’m afraid I’m ranting again, it happens, all because of some guy. I think he’s different though, not interested in my body but in other things. Then again what man isn’t, it’s a lie, ill end up heartbroken. I should end it now and save myself the heartbreak. I know myself, I know if I do that I will always wonder what if and it will eat me up inside in such a way that I will self destruct yet again. Then I have to go through hell to slowly pick up all the pieces of me and heal those wounds who’s scars are always there reminding me and haunting me. Yes, I’m sorry I’m ranting again, sadly that’s just me. I’m going to think optimistic and see how things go. I want to be with him and he is right for me now. Time will tell what the future holds for us.

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