6 Cartoons From Reverend Fun Cartoons are Copyright 'Gospel Communications International, Inc - www.reverendfun.com.'
Branchville A Christian Mystery Site:
Branchville is a city of intrigue. The mayor of Branchville is Joseph Jacobson.
He is a deeply faithful servant of the Most High God, and because of his name,
he likes to wear a multicolored coat. Mayor Joseph isn't married, he is totally
devoted first to God, then to this town.
Town sheriff is Mr. John Branch. Sheriff Branch is married to Little Branch,
and they have four twigs... I mean kids. They reside in Branchville, and are
also very sincere Christian people. Sheriff Branch is an honest, loving, caring
officer of the law, who sees the law as Truth, but realizes people's sin nature.
Not everyone in Branchville is so devout. In fact, some are quite the opposite.
Lucy Fire is one of those. Lucy is a medium, a summoner of spirits, and a
caster of spells. She would love to get the citizens of Branchville to follow
her wicked ways. She has tried to keep her activities hidden from the sheriff
and mayor, but she realizes one day, they will most likely catch her. Before
that, though, she wants to take as many down with her as possible.
On top of all of this, Branchville hides an awful secret. A secret from it's
past. This secret is only known by a few citizens, and they have sworn secrecy
to their graves. Perhaps, though, as a visitor to Branchville, you can discover
their awful secret. Do you wish to enter the town?
In a world full of kids shows that teach your kids to be better toy buyers or kick boxers, VeggieTales is a show that helps teach your kids to be better kids. This unique blend of Sunday morning values and Saturday morning fun has made VeggieTales one of the most popular kids video series in America.
VeggieTales is created, written, and produced by Big Idea Productions. In an age of media mega-mergers, Big Idea is a small, independent, family entertainment company based in the Midwest. We hope to help parents everywhere by building a company filled with storytellers and artists who are committed to using their gifts and talents to teach kids timeless values like honesty, kindness and forgiveness.
Big Idea's mission is to positively impact the moral and spiritual fabric of our society through creative media. We believe that the media our kids consume (TV, film, music, video games) has a strong influence on what they believe and how they behave. Sadly, many programming choices have had a negative impact on our culture. We're committed to making movies, videos, books, games -- and yes, Web sites -- that have a positive impact.
At the heart of each VeggieTales video is a nugget of truth that is rooted in the Bible. These include such timeless values as honesty, thankfulness, kindness and forgiveness. But these videos aren't preachy. In fact, they've been called "clever, quirky," and "deliciously silly" by journalists.
At the heart of VeggieTales is this one-of-a-kind mix of wacky humor and
gentle reminders to kids -- and parents -- that God made them special and
loves them very much. "Sunday morning values, Saturday morning fun"
... we think that's a big idea!
Stare at the four dots in the
center for 30 seconds and then
look at a plain wall or close your
eyes and you will see Jesust
Can you find the names of 25 books of the Bible in this paragraph?
This is a most remarkable puzzle. Someone found it in the seat pocket
on a flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu, keeping himself occupied for hours.
One man from Illinois worked on this while fishing from his john boat. Roy
Clark studied it while playing his banjo. Elaine Victs mentioned it in her
column once. One woman judges the job to be so involving, she brews a cup
of tea to help calm her nerves. There will be some names that are really easy
to spot...that's a fact. Some people will soon find themselves in a jam, especially
since the book names are not necessarily capitalized.
The truth is, from answers we get, we are forced to admit it usually
takes a minister or scholar to see some of them at the worst. Something in
our genes is responsible for the difficulty we have. Those able to find all
of them will hear great lamentations from those who have to be shown. One
revelation may help: books like Timothy and Samual may occur without their
numbers. And punctuation or spaces in the middle are quite normal. A chipper
attitude will help you compete. Remember, there are 25 books of the Bible
lurking somewhere in this paragraph.
Christian Light Bulb Jokes
Q: How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not
change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb
will be one that has been chosen to be changed.
Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change???
Q: How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a light bulb?
A: No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.
Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
Q: How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.
Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light
bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb,
they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use
other forms of light.
Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles.
Q: How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
Q: How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over
20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the
old one.
Q: How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either
in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own
journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine.
Christian Jokes
LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked
him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to
talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a
woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you,
and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree
with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you
to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag
you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a
disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love
and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history....
THE LETTER
One day God was looking down to earth and saw all of the evil that was going
on.
He decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out so he called on
a female angel and sent her to earth for a time. When she returned she told
God, "yes it is bad on earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good."
Well, He thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a male
angel. To get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him
to earth for a time. When the male angel returned he went to God and told
him yes the earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God said this was not good. He would send a letter to the 5% that were good
and encourage them, something to help them keep going. Do you know what that
letter said?
.
.
.
Oh, you didn't get one either?!
Nine things you never hear in church..............
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School
class.
6. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
7. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
8. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship
campaign!
9. I couldn't find space to park outside. Praise God!
Storing up treasures on earth...
This millionaire wanted take some of his money to heaven with him when he
died, so he talked to God about it beforehand. He told God that he had lived
a good life and all he wanted was to bring a little of his fortune with him.
God finally agreed, but told the millionaire he must limit the amount to whatever
he could fit into one suitcase.
The millionaire decided to make the most of it by comparing American dollars,
French Francs, Japenese Yen, and every kind of currency available in the world
to see to it that he fit the most possible into the suitcase. Finally, he
decided the best he could do was to exchange his money for gold and place
that in the suitcase.
When he died and arrived at Heaven's gate, St. Peter asked him what was in
the suitcase. He told St. Peter that down on earth he had been a millionaire
and that God had given him permisson to bring some of his fortune with him,
as long as he could fit it into one suitcase.
St. Peter told the millionaire this was most unusual and he would have to
take a look inside the suitcase before he could determine whether the millionaire
could enter the gate with it. The millionaire opened the suitcase and St.
Peter said, "Oh, yes. That's just pavement, please come in!"
THE LIMO
The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine
to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could
drive for awhile.
Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so the chauffeur climbs
in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds to
hop on Route 95 and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. He
gets to about 90 miles per hour and, WHAM, there are the blue lights of our
friendly State Police in his mirror.
He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. Seeing who it was the trooper
says "just a moment please I need to call in."
The trooper radio's in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief "I've
got a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do."
The chief replies "Who is it, not Ted again ?"
The trooper says,"No, even more important."
The chief replies, "It's the Governor, is it?"
The trooper replies "No, even more important."
"It's isn't the President is it?"
"No, more important", replies the trooper.
"Well WHO the HECK is it!", screams the chief.
"I don't know" says the trooper. "But he's got the Pope as
a chauffeur!"
Just One Quick Question
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at
the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven,
they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the
ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter
let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need
all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question
a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately
for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500."
"That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
Modern Day Noah
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me and ark."
And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an ark. "Okay," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have My ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."
And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.
The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was
no ark.
"Noah," shouted he Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning
bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah.
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the ark construction project, and Your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
"Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
"Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone
would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going n the boat,
and still now owls.
"Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights
group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the
suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filing
an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take
kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme
Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe.
"Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire; the IRS
has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving
the country; and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind
of "use tax."
"I really don't think I can finish Your ark for at least another five
years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the
sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean You're not going to destroy
the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully.
"No," said the Lord sadly, "Government already has."
The Lawyer on the side of the road
There is a truck driver driving along, and he stops and picks up a priest to give him a ride. He's driving down the highway and he sees a lawyer along the side of the road and thinks, "Hot damn! A lawyer that I could run over!" So he speeds up and heads straight for him.
At the last second he remembers the priest with him. So he swerves real quick
to miss him, but still hears a thump. He looks behind, no sign of the lawyer.
He says to the priest "Wow, that was a close one, I almost hit that lawyer!"
The priest then replies "That's ok son, I got him with my door."
One Line Christian Jokes
Q: How can you make God laugh?
A: Tell Him your plans for the future.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter - she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out
a little prophet.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived
in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let
light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
A. They used floodlights.
Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David - he rocked Goliath to sleep.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A. Turn right and go straight.
Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around the Jordan - the banks were always overflowing.
Q. Which bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A. He only had two worms!
Q. What do you call a charismatic at an auction?
A. Broke.
Q. Why did God create man before woman?
A. He didn't want any advice.
Q. Why did God create man before woman?
A. Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your
masterpiece.
Q.What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian?
A. Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason.
Misc Sites:
This is a humorous Christian Zinee. I recommend checking out the current and past issues. The Lesser Chinese Zodiac is very funny. And also the Historically Correct Jesus This is "apologetical satire". Check it out.
Send me submissions, funny pictures, jokes and cool Christian webpages.
Christian Pick-Up Lines
Need Help Picking Up a Nice Christian Guy or Gal?
Well, look no further ;-)
"I just don't feel called to celibacy."
"Did I tell you that my great-uncle was a personal friend of Billy Graham?"
"I don't see it myself, but people tell me I look like Michael W. Smith."
"What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'?"
"You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa."
"You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism."
"I'm pretty flexible - I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date."
"Before tonight, I never believed in predestination..."
"Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical."
"I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight."
"Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven."
"I want to check your shirt label to see if you were made in heaven."
"I know why Soloman had 600 wives, because he never found you."
Nice bible.
I would like to pray with you.
You know Jesus? Hey, me too!
God told me to come talk to you.
I know a church where we could go and talk.
How about a hug, sister/brother?
Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.
Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4:11.
Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?
The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry"; how about dinner?
You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
You want to come over and watch the 10 commandments tonight?
Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
Would you happen to know a Christian man/woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
Nice braclet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do".
Do you believe in Divine appointment?
Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before?
(For the ladies) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's his name.
Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath.
What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.
Page is Copyright Vincent Sapone, 2002.