*****Chapter 12*****

 

We’d been touring for a month now and it was all going really well. Every few nights we would arrive at a different location and play to a sold out audience of a1 fans. The atmosphere on the whole tour was amazing and everyone was getting on so well. I still spent most of my time with Mark and Ben as they were my best friends on the tour but with the addition of the new, much nicer dancer Sez, I was hanging around more with the other dancers than before.

 

Marie hadn’t been to visit Ben as often as I would have thought. We were nearly always close enough for her to come along to spend some time with Ben. Even if his evenings were taken up with concerts the adrenaline was so high from the lads it often took them another few hours to wind down again. Whenever I asked Ben about Marie he shrugged it off saying she was always working and it was hard for her to get away.

 

“I miss her,” Ben said sadly. “I mean I know it’s hard to see each other in this kind of business in normal circumstances but we’ve managed. This is the longest I’ve spent away from her.”

 

We were sitting in the lobby waiting for everyone else to arrive for the bus. Tonight we were playing the first of two nights at Birmingham NEC. The bus was due to arrive in a few minutes and we were the first ones down.

 

“I know it must be hard,” I replied. “It’s not the same but I miss my family and my friends.”

 

“Everyone’s older than us and they’ve had those years to do their own things. Me and you, we’ve just been pulled out of family life with no time to adjust,” Ben said. “You know I was only 16 when I joined a1.”

 

“Really?” I asked incredulous. “No I never knew that.”

 

“It was all I’ve ever wanted but you know it was still hard being away from my family to start with. Now I have a girlfriend to think about as well as my family.”

 

“I haven’t had a boyfriend to think about for ages,” I mused thinking about my last one Dan when I had been 17.

 

“I don’t believe that, someone as pretty as you,” Ben said nudging me playfully.

 

I took his compliment lightly, he was only kidding with me anyway. I shrugged, “I’ve just been busy with my dancing and now a1 pretty much take up all my time. Where am I supposed to find a boyfriend?” I couldn’t tell Ben I wasn’t really looking for one because I was infatuated by him.

 

Ben looked at me quizzically for a long time as he shrugged.

 

Mark flopped down on the sofa next to us, “What you talking about?”

 

“My lack of boyfriends,” I laughed.

 

“Aww has Joey not had any boyfriends?” Mark teased.

 

“I don’t see any girls following you round,” I shot back.

 

“I’m not so sure about that,” he replied as he waved a hand towards the door as I looked at him curiously.

 

He stood up and waved as quite a few girls outside screamed their approval waving their a1 banners excitedly.

 

“Haha I didn’t mean your fans,” I said as he sat back down having proved his point. “You know I meant girls of the girlfriend variety.”

 

Mark looked around with exaggeration, “Nope can’t see any.”

 

Once we arrived at the venue the stage was still finishing construction as a1 did a sound check in the huge venue. It was the largest venue on the tour so far seating up to 12,000 people but a1 had yet to play Wembley.

 

The concert was soon underway as we launched into No More and the hectic dance routine that accompanied it.

 

As the closing chords of No More sounded I was as always leaning back in the arms of Ben. His face was so close and I thought I was imagining it as he leaned in closer.

 

I definitely wasn’t imagining it however when he kissed me quickly on the mouth with a pronounced smack.

 

I was too shocked to blush or anything as Ben stuck his tongue out at me. He was laughing as he pulled me up. It was all just a big joke to him I thought as the dancers hurried off stage so the lads could launch into a ballad. He managed to play with my feelings without even realizing.

 

My mind was a jumble of thoughts and they were all bad. These feelings for Ben were just making me miserable as I tried to hide them. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I ran to the toilets instead of the dressing room where all the other dancers were headed.

 

I didn’t have too much time but I still sat on the toilet and cried. My heart was just breaking in two. It shouldn’t have been because I had never even gone out with Ben to be in love with him. I was so close to him though it hurt me just as much to have him there but not be able to have him as I wanted.

 

These feelings were wrong and they had to stop now.

 

I wiped away the tears pausing in the mirror to catch a stray tear that was leaving a line of mascara down my cheek and drawing a deep breath I was on the stage for our next song dancing with Ben as if nothing was wrong.