Chapter 29

 

When I awoke early the next morning I didn’t have such a positive outlook on life.  Firstly the bright light streaming in through a gap in the tent door was piercing right through my eyes and bearing into my skull which was thumping with the mother of all hangovers, and secondly I had betrayed Ben’s trust and told my friends our big secret.

 

I rolled over onto my side, trying not to let a heavy groan fall out of my mouth as my head throbbed, and was met immediately by Jemma.  She was sat up in her sleeping bag grinning at me.

 

“What?” I grunted, swallowing hard to try and get rid of the cotton wool sensation.

 

“Just remembering last night’s little confession,” she grinned in response.

 

I forced myself to sit up and looked at her seriously.

 

“You really can’t tell anyone about that, OK?” I urged, she nodded frantically and then got up to find me some paracetamol.

 

Maybe this had all been a huge mistake, I should have waited until Ben was ready to tell the world, should have trusted him enough to know that eventually he would.  I knew the reason why I had confessed, it hadn’t been because of truth and dare of copious amounts of alcohol, it had all been because deep down inside I wanted people to know, I wanted everyone to know.  I thought that finally getting it off my chest would make me feel so much better, but in reality it had left me with a sickening feeling of guilt and worry that sat deep down in my stomach.

 

I took a little sip of some water and quickly swallowed the pill that Jemma had pressed in my hand.  I felt awful, if this was what a hangover felt like I was never going to drink ever again.  It hurt to open my eyes, it hurt to shut them, it hurt to sit up and it hurt to lie down, I wasn’t entirely sure that I would ever feel quite right again.

 

“How come no one else feels like shit?” I asked in annoyance, observing how freely Rena and Jemma were now moving around the tent.

 

“Maybe you had more than us?” Rena suggested, “you probably needed extra drink for Dutch courage so you could pluck up the nerve to tell us your little secret.”

 

Good god! Were they ever going to let the secret thing lie?  Was this to be the topic of conversation forever more, I was no longer going to be Kim, their best friend and someone they could trust and have fun with, I was going to be Kim, secret girlfriend and sex toy of Ben Adams.

 

I couldn’t handle it, I had to get out.

 

I forced myself to stand up, trying to ignore the fact that I felt really weak and my head was spinning.  Scrabbling around on the floor I began to pick up items of clothing and threw them on before tying my hair up roughly in a hair band and throwing the rest of my things in a bag.

 

“Where you going?” Jemma called after me as I left the tent and made my way towards the back gate.

 

“There’s just something I need to do,” I called back, leaving quickly before they had time to quiz me further.

 

Ten minutes later and I was standing on the edge of Ben’s drive, looking up at the house.

 

I knew this trip was necessary,  I had to confess to him what I had done before the guilt ate me up inside, I knew it would be better once I had told him, but for some reason my legs wouldn’t move me towards the front door.  I was terrified of what he might say, worried that he’d be really mad and break up with me.  And I couldn’t cope with that – somewhere in the middle of the whole mess I had fallen for him in such a way that I couldn’t bear to think of life without him.

 

Just as I had made up my mind to move an inch closer to the door, it opened.

 

My eyes immediately drew towards it, and I looked down quickly as I saw Ben’s head appear.  Telling myself off, I forced myself to look back towards him, he must have seen me standing on the drive by now and was probably wondering why I was standing here like a complete idiot.

 

I looked up and was greeted by a cold hard punch in the stomach.

 

He was standing right outside the door, his arms wrapped tightly around Kelly.

 

I staggered towards them, unable to help myself.

 

Their lips were touching, moving in passionate circles around one another.  I felt sick as I watched him pull away from her and smile, his hands groping around the back of her skirt.

 

She gave him another kiss and then turned round to leave.

 

All too soon I realised it was too late to move, she had seen me, and so had Ben.

 

I looked at him, and he looked away quickly, his face glowing a slight shade of red but other than that looking just like he did at school, uninterested and too cool to notice me.

 

Kelly on the other hand was heading straight towards me, a smug little smile playing around her lips.

 

It was then that I realised what a complete dog I must look.  I had thrown on my clothes this morning in such a haste, and looking down at myself I cringed as I caught sight of my old jeans covered in last night’s pizza and the top that was a size too big for me.  Not only that but my hair had started to fall out and was now lying in greasy little strands around my face.

 

“What are you doing Kimberly?” Kelly sneered as she came towards me.

 

“Nothing,” I replied, wishing that my brain could think of a better answer.

 

“You enjoy being a perv.”

 

“No,” I choked back quickly.

 

“Why were you watching me with my boyfriend then?”

 

“I wasn’t,” I stammered and turning away from them both I ran as quickly as I could, across the road and into the safety of my house, I didn’t let myself relax until I had reached my bedroom and shut the door safely behind me.  Then I let the tears fall freely as the realisation hit me …

 

Ben had slept with Kelly last night.

 

Ben didn’t love me.

 

It took all of my courage to drag myself into school the next day.  All I really wanted to do was hide away in my duvet and never resurface, but knowing that wasn’t the adult thing to do I had forced myself in and was now regretting it.

 

Ben hadn’t spoken to me all day, I had seen him once in the corridor and he had quickly turned and moved in the other direction.  If anything it was a relief, I didn’t want to see him anyway – if he had uttered one word to me I knew I would burst into tears.

 

I had spent most of the day moving around in a bubble, completely surrounded by my friends who seemed to think it was their mission for the day to protect me from harm.  So far Rena had told off a boy in year 7 for accidentally hitting his football at me and Jemma had insisted on escorting me into the toilets, if anyone came anywhere near me they launched at them like a couple of rottweilers.

 

There was one thing I knew they couldn’t protect me from though.

 

Towards the end of lunchbreak a group of five Popular girls headed right towards us, Kelly out in the lead.  I shrank back behind my friends, terrified of what they might say or do.

 

They stopped right next to us and Kelly started talking to the others in a loud high voice.

 

“He nearly shagged me to death last night, was amazing.”

 

The other girls squealed in excitement.

“We were at it for hours,” Kelly continued to boast, “and you won’t believe what we did then.”

 

She then turned to whisper something to her friends and they all let out high pitched screams and giggled.

 

“You dirty cow!”

 

Kelly laughed, “he loved it though.”

 

“Bet he did.”

 

I started to look around, hoping there would be an escape route, but they were blocking me in against the wall, and the only way to break free was to pass right through them, and I didn’t want to do that.

 

“You wouldn’t believe who I saw hanging around on Ben’s drive yesterday morning?” Kelly continued

 

“Who?” they all giggled.

 

“Kimberly White!”

 

“You mean that ugly girl with the bad dress sense?” one of them spat out nastily.

 

“That’s the one,” Kelly replied and all the girls dissolved into giggles.

 

“What was she doing there?”

 

“Not sure, think she may fancy my boyfriend.”

 

The giggling continued.

 

“It’s ridiculous isn’t it?” Kelly continued, “but I guess I should just let her carry on her deluded dreams, wouldn’t want to upset the poor girl would I?”

 

“What does Ben say?”

 

“He thinks it’s absolutely hilarious,” Kelly smirked, “says she has a weird obsession with him, been following him around like a puppy for weeks apparently.”

 

“Poor guy,” one of the girls replied.

 

“He can handle it,” Kelly said coolly, “she’ll soon realise she doesn’t stand a chance and get bored.”

 

“Do you think she really believes she has a chance?”

 

“She’s a bit stupid if she does,” another girl joined in.

 

“Yeah he wouldn’t touch her with a barge pole.”

 

I felt like my whole being was about to smash into tiny little particles.  I was so humiliated, my face was glowing bright red and my hands were shaking, not only that, I was now crying and I couldn’t stop, I tried to hold the tears back but they just carried on cascading down.

 

What happened next is a bit of a blur, I forced myself to look up and with horror saw that Rena had broken away from our little circle and was now marching right up to the Popular girls.

 

I held my breath, hoping that she wasn’t about to say what I thought she was.

 

I saw Rena saying something and then Kelly’s face turn to disbelief, her mouth opened and for a moment she looked horrified.

 

Turning towards us she looked straight at me.

 

“You are going to regret the day you started spreading lies about my boyfriend.”

 

And with that they left, without even a backwards glance to the little girl lying on the concrete ground sobbing uncontrollably.