Chapter 24

 

When I rang the doorbell and there was no reply, I panicked.  I knew he had said 7.30 pm, I even had the paper clasped tightly in my hand, there was no reason for him not to be here.  Or may be there was, may be the whole thing had been a wind up all along, and he was hiding in the bushes with all his Popular friends, all ready to jump out and laugh at the silly cow who had fallen for his lines.  I was so stupid – stupid to believe him, although I couldn’t get angry, all I could feel was hurt.  Rather like someone had punched me in the stomach, I felt a little like when you receive some bad news and your stomach twists into such tight knots you wonder if it will ever feel the same again.

 

I turned quietly away from the door, hoping that the gravel against my trainers wasn’t going to disturb the occupants of the bush.  I held my breath, waiting for the rustle of leaves or the smothered laughter. 

 

Silence.

 

I took another step, again holding my breath.  This time I heard something, although it wasn’t coming from the direction I thought it would.  In fact it sounded like it was coming from behind the garden fence.

 

I moved closer, and the distant sound of rock music could be heard clearly from the garden.  Cautiously I unlatched the gate and stepped through it.

 

It took me a while to realise where the sound was coming from, but then I saw him.  Ben was sprawled out on a sun lounger at the far end of the garden, his eyes tight shut, his mouth murmuring slightly to the sound of the music that was being pumped into his ears.  It was a beautiful hot evening and so he was dressed only in his shorts, his bare feet hanging off the edge of the chair.

 

I wanted to cry.  He was here.  I had been so wrong.  Again! When was I going to stop this constant paranoia?

 

As I moved towards him, it was evident he didn’t have a clue I was here, his walkman was on so loud I was surprised that his brains hadn’t blown out through his ears yet.

 

“Ben”

 

I called out as I stopped at the foot of the chair he was sprawled on.

 

“Ben” I repeated louder when I had no response.

 

I reached out and gently touched his bare toes, causing him to shudder into life and whip the earphones out of his ears.

 

“Sorry, couldn’t get your attention,” I said, slightly amused at how ticklish he was.

 

“It’s OK,” he replied, sitting upright and reaching out for my hand.

 

I looked him directly in the eye for the first time and my whole body shuddered slightly.  This was the first real alone time we had had together since the sex, and in all honesty it was making me feel so shy, I clutched to his hand as if it was the first time he had ever touched me.

 

I opened my mouth to say something but he stopped me, pulling me down towards him and placing his lips firmly round mine.  It felt amazing, he was kissing me so fast, gently pulling my bottom lip with his teeth and then slipping his tongue in to search round my whole mouth.  Several times I tried to pull away for air, but each time he grabbed me again, pulling me closer towards him and kissing me until I felt almost giddy.

 

“Wow!” I said when he eventually stopped.

 

“I missed you,” he said back, giving me little kisses all over my face before briefly returning to my mouth once more.

 

“We’ve been in the same building all day,” I commented, pulling away from him and standing up so he couldn’t grab me anymore.

 

“Yeah, but I couldn’t see you.”

 

“Why?” I asked, unable to keep the slight annoyance out of my voice.

 

“You know why,” he replied, desperately trying to reach out to me again.

 

“Not really”

 

“Things are just going to be tricky for a while that’s all.”

 

“I don’t know if I can do all this though,” I sighed, “I cant cope with being so close to you all the time and not have you, it’s driving me mad.”

 

“Just a bit longer,” he soothed, “I promise, I’ll sort it all out.”

 

I looked at him for a moment, in what I hoped was a mean stare.  I wanted so much to be in control of this relationship, let him know that I wasn’t going to take any rubbish from him and that I wasn’t going to be mucked around.  But I knew as soon as he smiled at me that that was never going to be the case.  He gave me a little grin and I completely melted, the look immediately faded from my face and was replaced with what I could only think was a stupid grin.

 

“You going to stand there all day?” he asked

 

“Well you haven’t got me a chair out,” I grinned back.

 

“You can share mine,” he smiled, and moving over patted a little spot next to him.

 

“You sure that can hold both of us?” I asked nervously.  I still remembered only too well the family barbeque when Dad had fallen through a deck chair and had it stuck to his backside for the next 20 minutes.

 

He answered my question by leaning forward, grabbing me and pulling me down on the chair next to him.

 

I squealed as I landed with a small thud on the flowery cushion.

 

“That’s better,” he smiled at me, scooping his sunglasses off his head and trying to put them on me.

 

I resisted, grabbing his arms and pulling them away from my face.

 

“Sunglasses look crap on me,” I said, refusing to let them anywhere near me.

 

“Pllllllllllease let me put them on you,” he begged, it seemed that me saying that had made him all the more determined to do it.

 

“Don’t like them,” I replied.

 

“What if I give you something in return?” he asked.

 

“Intriguing,” I said smiling, “what is it?”

 

He smiled, and turned whispering something into my ear.  I blushed bright red as soon as the words had left his mouth, yet couldn’t help but let a grin escape.

 

“You like?” he asked.

 

I nodded my head, getting redder by the second.

 

“You’re so cute when you blush,” he smiled at me, putting the sunglasses over my eyes.  In a way I was pleased for them, they blocked out a lot of the outside world, and after a few moments I returned to my usual colour.

 

“Bet I look stupid in these,” I muttered.

 

He took my face in his hands and turned it from side to side, as if examining it with much thought.

 

“You look beautiful,” he said eventually, giving my nose a little kiss.

 

He laid back on the lounger, bringing me back until I was lying right next to him, wrapped up in his arms.

 

Turning his head towards me, we started kissing again, little kisses in between staring at each other.  A few minutes later and I found myself lying directly on top of him, pressing him gently against the chair and kissing him with an urgency I wasn’t aware I was capable of.  Every time I touched his lips it was like I was searching for something, something I obviously wasn’t finding because each time I returned it was with much more than I had ever given before.

 

Just as I was beginning to get completely lost in him he pulled me away.

 

“You want to take this inside?” he asked.

 

I froze for a moment, the nerves immediately returning.

 

“You OK?” he asked, feeling me tense up against his body.

 

I replied by taking his hand and leading him into the house and up the stairs.

 

“You’re Mum isn’t in is she?” I asked nervously.

 

“No”

 

“She doesn’t know about us does she?” I asked

 

“Nope, does yours”

 

“No”

 

He grinned as he lay me down on the bed, climbing right on top of me and kissing me enthusiastically.

 

“You ready for what we discussed earlier?” he asked, a grin on his face.

 

“You sure you can do it?” I teased

 

“You challenging me?” he asked.

 

“Guess I am.”

 

“Right, I’ll show you,” he said, a determined look on his face, “bathroom now.”

 

“What’s the bathroom got to do with anything?” I asked

 

“You’ll see, you will be screaming the place down in a few moments time.”

 

He frog marched me into the bathroom and locked the door behind us.

 

10 minutes later I emerged from that bathroom a very different person.  As usual Ben had been right, I had discovered that I was capable of feelings I had never known existed and when Ben suggested getting more comfortable in his bedroom I found myself only too happy to oblige.

 

He unwrapped me from the towel and laid me down gently on his bed, quickly taking all his clothes off and joining me.

 

This time things were so much easier, it didn’t hurt at all, it all felt so natural and right and completely different to what we had shared the other night.

 

“Thanks,” I whispered when we had finished, it being the only thing I could think of saying.

 

“You liked?” he asked.

 

I smiled at him, “I cant believe I came,” I was unable to keep the excitement out of my voice.

 

He pulled me closer to him and gave me a tight hug.

 

“I love you so much Kim.”