Ello!! Sorry about the scramble of updates this week – I’ve been busy at my Busted concerts …… therefore this is the only one to go up this week!! Sorry!!

Chapter 21

 

Taking hold of Ben’s hand we left the pub via the back entrance and made our way back to his house.

“Is your Mum in?” I asked nervously as we crept into the house and up the stairs.

“Nope,” he replied, “she’s always out on a Friday night.”

I breathed a sigh of relief and began to talk at normal level again.

“What was all that about?” I asked.

“All what?”

“All that in the pub, why did you want me to come back here?”

“I needed to see you that’s all,” he replied, pulling me into his bedroom.

“Does it boost your ego?”

“What?”

“Knowing that you click your fingers and I come running.”

“No” he replied quickly, “it’s not like that.”

“What is it like then?”

“I really really fancy you,” he admitted, sitting me down on his bed.

“No you don’t,” I laughed.

“I do,” he insisted, “I’ve always had a thing for you.”

“No you haven’t,” I said firmly, the whole thing sounding ridiculous beyond belief.

“I have,”

“You have a very funny way of showing it,” I retorted

“I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you,” he looked ashamed.

I was surprised by that.

“Oh so you are aware that you have treated me like dirt then?” I asked.

“Yes, I never meant to, it was just … you know.”

“No I don’t, explain it to me,” I replied, unable to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

“I’m popular and you aren’t.”

“Fantastic reason!” I said dryly standing up and moving towards the door.

“Don’t leave!” he yelled jumping up to block my path, “I’m sorry about all that’s happened, I’ve been a jerk.”

“A big jerk.”

“A huge jerk,” he rephrased.”

“Yes you have,” I confirmed.

“I can’t believe what an idiot I’ve been, I nearly threw away my chance with the only girl I’ve ever truly had feelings for.”

I stopped dead in my tracks and shuffled back over to the bed.

“You have feelings for me?”

“Yes,” he replied, “ever since I was 11.”

I sat down with a thump, hardly daring to believe what I had just heard.

“I’ve always had feelings for you,” he continued, “and seeing you with someone else made me realise it even more.”

I continued to take in what he was saying, my mind full of thoughts and questions.

“And you?” he asked, breaking my thoughts.

“I’m the same,” I admitted quietly, saying it at exactly the same moment that my brain had reached the same conclusion.

“You are?” he asked happily.

“Yes, I’ve always fancied you and I’ve always wanted you,” I admitted it, “it never went away.”

He leaned over and gave me a big kiss on the lips but I pulled away just as quickly.

“I don’t want to be doing all this again Ben.”

“What do you mean?”

“Last time we did this you treated me like rubbish.”

“It wont happen again,” he said, “I promise, this time I’m going to sort things out.”

He kissed me again and I pulled away just enough to utter out, “you promise?”

He nodded his head and began to kiss me again and again until I was completely lost.

We manoeuvred ourselves onto the bed until we were lying back against it, him on top of me kissing me gently over and over again in a way that made me feel completely giddy with happiness.

I opened my eyes to look at him, he was perfection, still just as amazing as the very first day I had seen him and from this angle he looked even better.  His bright blue eyes were staring straight into mine and his hair was flopping slightly over his face.

“Ben,” I found myself saying suddenly.

“Yes Kim?” he asked, smiling at me.

“I love you,” I whispered.

The words fell easily out of my mouth and hit the air around us.  The words I’d been trying to say to my boyfriend for months had finally come tumbling out of my mouth and it had been so easy it shocked me.

I looked at him for a moment, worried that it had been a mistake and he would want me to leave but instead he smiled at me and replied.

“Kim, I love you too.”

At that moment I wanted to get up and sing.  Hearing those words from Ben made me feel so happy, it was amazing – all at once it was like a whole new world had opened up, a world that only me and him shared, and from that moment I knew that the thing with Simon had been wrong, it had always been wrong.  I had always been in love with Ben and nothing was going to change that.

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you know before,” I blurted out.

“None of that matters anymore,” he soothed, “all that matters is now.”

“You’re not going to leave me are you?” I asked, panicked that I was going to loose love the second that I had found it.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

He kissed me again and this time I let my hands wander, sliding them up underneath his top and carefully pulling it off and throwing it on the floor.

“What you doing?” he asked.

“I want you to be my first,” I said, reaching my hands down and pulling his trousers off also.

“You sure?” he asked.

“You were my first crush, my first kiss, my first love and I want to share this with you too,” I insisted.

He followed my lead and began to undress me until we were both laying naked on the top of his bed.

“You done this before?” I asked.

He nodded.

That was a bit of a stupid question really, of course he had done it before, he was the most popular boy in the school, there was no way he was going to be a virgin.  The nerves began to kick in again.

“You OK?” he asked, looking at me in concern.

“Just a bit nervous,” I admitted.

“I’ll be gentle,” he promised and he leant down to give me another kiss. 

I closed my eyes as I felt his lips move against mine and I hardly noticed as his hand slid down my body and gently parted my legs.

“You OK?” he asked pulling away.

I nodded, taking in a deep gulp of air.  More than anything I wanted to squeeze my eyes tight shut, I was convinced that it was going to hurt.

“Try to relax,” he said gently, sensing my returning nerves.

“I’m trying to,” I replied.

“You want me to stop?”

I shook my head and he smiled at me.

When it finally happened it was a lot less painful than I had thought, it had felt a bit uncomfortable, but that I could deal with.

“See, no problem,” he said as he lay still on top of me.

“Easier than expected,” I whispered back.

 

Waiting until I had got used to the feeling he began to move gently on top of me, kissing me each time he saw me wince slightly in discomfort.

Slowly any pain I had began to fade away until I could hardly remember what it had felt like. 

The second we finished he snuggled right up against me, dotting my face in little kisses.

“You OK?”

“Fine,” I replied, not being able to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

“What’s up?”

“I didn’t... you know”

He laughed at me and I just frowned at him.

“Its OK for you, you did,” I said indignantly.

“Kim it was your first time,” he said gently, kissing me on the nose, “we don’t know how to do it for you yet.”

“I hate being a girl,” I grumbled as I reached down and started putting my clothes back on.

“We’ll work it out don’t worry,” he assured me, “we’ll have you screaming the room down soon, I promise.”

I smiled at him.

“I love you,” I said again.

“You going somewhere?” he asked as I pulled on my last item of clothing and got up to leave.

“I have something to sort out,” I said, “but I’ll see you later.”

I gave him a quick kiss and left the house.

Walking past my own house I went further down the road.

All thoughts had returned to Simon.