Chapter 17

 

“It’s meant to be good.”

 

“Yeah I heard that, saw a clip of it on morning TV the other day.”

 

“mmmm, but then saying that quite often they will just show you the best bits.”

 

“Yep, and then you go and see it and it’s so disappointing.”

 

“What do you think Kim?”

 

“Kim?”

 

“Kim?”

 

I felt a hand shake me gently and I stirred back into life.

 

“Eh?” I responded.

 

“What do you think about going to see the new Brad Pitt film.”

 

“Oh, I’ve already seen it,” I said dismissively.

 

“What?  When?” Rena asked

 

“Last night,” I replied automatically, still not thinking about what I was saying.

 

“Did you?” Simon suddenly joined in the conversation, shaking me back to reality immediately, “who did you go with?”

 

“Just a friend that’s all, no one you know,” I replied quickly.

 

They seemed to accept that and all turned back to their conversation and I was left to sweat it out in peace yet again.  I had so nearly landed myself in it then, it seemed I had become so worried about people finding out I wasn’t even concentrating on what I was saying anymore.  And that was bad.  Very bad! Because I didn’t want anyone knowing about Ben … ever!  Not that there was anything to know … nothing at all, it was over … over before it had even begun.

 

I looked across at him quickly, he was sat on a different table, surrounded by his mates.

 

Bastard!

 

Stupid, arrogant idiot!

 

Dickhead!

 

Gorgeous eyes!

Bastard with gorgeous eyes.

 

I almost fell off my chair as he suddenly looked up at me and smiled.  I scowled at him and turned quickly back to my friends.

 

“So what do you think our new teacher will be like?” I asked them.

 

“Dunno, he’s supposed to be strange,” Jemma confirmed.

 

Simon and Rena nodded in agreement and we all giggled.  I loved RS, it had to be one of the best subjects in school, mainly because I shared a table with my two best friends and my boyfriend, I think we spent more time chatting than we did doing work.

 

Speculation was soon confirmed as the door slammed open and a tall man with a thick black moustache appeared.  He made his way to the front of the classroom picked up a piece of chalk and cleared his throat.

 

“I” he boomed dramatically, “am Mr Speer, your new RS teacher.”

 

There were sniggers flitting through the room already, for some reason I found myself looking back over at the Popular table, Ben was looking right up at the new teacher a huge grin spread on his face.  I could see he was up to mischief already, I loved that look.  Made him look like a little kid about to get in trouble.

 

“Knew he’d be strange,” Simon whispered in my ear.

 

I quickly turned my head away from Ben, the guilt welling up inside me stronger than ever before.

 

“He is a bit mad!” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

 

Simon detected nothing, simply smiling and putting his hand gently on my knee.

 

I jumped at the contact, and my shoulders tensed up immediately.  It felt so wrong having him touch me after what I’d been dong last night.  I had betrayed him, I had kissed another guy, not only that … I’d gone on a date with another guy, and at one point I had seriously thought I liked this other person more than Simon.  And now here I was letting him touch me like nothing had happened.

 

I put my hand down on top of his and gently moved his hand off my leg.

 

“What’s up?” he whispered.

 

“Not in class eh?” I replied, pretending that I was fully engrossed in the introduction talk that Mr Speer was giving.

 

I could see from the corner of my eye that Simon looked a little hurt, but he seemed to accept my reasoning and settled back against his chair to listen as well.

 

I breathed a sigh of relief.

 

Now I needed to calm down.  My nerves were practically jangling, all I needed to do was slow down and breathe.  Stare straight ahead, not glance to either side, keep my head turned towards the front of the classroom and breathe.  I closed my eyes briefly and took in a few quick gulps of air, already I was feeling better.

 

Mr Speer was now reading out of a textbook.  On any other day I’m sure I would have found it amusing, his voice was so loud, and on certain words his voice boomed all round the classroom.  Already several people were giggling uncontrollably.  I’m sure that normally I would be joining in with them. Usually I am one of these annoying people who start giggling and then cant stop, so the rest of the class is silent and I’m still laughing about something that stopped being funny ten minutes earlier.

 

I wasn’t laughing today though.

 

Nothing seemed to be terribly funny anymore.

 

I was afraid to break out into a smile, afraid that by doing so I would be condoning that what I had done with Ben last night was right.  I had no right to be laughing and joking when I was such an awful person, I was a liar and a cheat and people like that didn’t deserve to enjoy themselves.

 

Mr Speers seemed oblivious to what was gong on around him, he finished his reading and then got up to leave the room, telling us to read quietly while he went to photocopy some worksheets.

 

The minute he left the room filled with laughter.

 

“What a goon!” one of the Populars announced from Ben’s table.

 

At that point Ben had stood up from his chair and was grinning from ear to ear.  This usually meant he was about to do something.  Every now and again he was known for doing bad things, usually the kind of things that Sean would do, but when it came to Ben, everyone always thought it was twice as funny, and even if he got caught the teachers wouldn’t care, because he was Ben.  Everyone loved Ben.

 

I watched him carefully as he bent down to find something in his bag and then triumphantly walked towards the front of the classroom.

 

Standing on a chair he reached up and pulled down a large Gold Cup that was balancing on the top of the blackboard.  Then producing a large piece of lettuce leaf from his hand he placed it carefully in the trophy and returned it back to its home.

 

On his way back across the classroom to his chair he got many slaps on the back, everyone loving the joke so much. 

 

“How childish!” Simon grunted in my direction.

 

I nodded my head in agreement, the whole thing did seem a bit pointless, the only reason everyone found it funny was because they were sheep, and sheep didn’t disagree with Populars.

 

 A few minutes later he was up on his feet again and everyone turned towards him in interest, wondering what he was going to get up to next.  I couldn’t resist turning my chair slightly to also watch his next move.

 

He paused in the middle of the room for a moment, planning his next mischief.  I could see all the girls around the room gazing at him, he really was something you had to look at.  He was just perfect – perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect body, I could sit there all day and just look at him.

 

Eventually he moved and I shifted my eyes guiltily back towards Simon, thankful that he hadn’t noticed me looking at Ben again.  I shot another sneaky look back at Ben.

 

He was standing by Mr Speers desk now, dressed in his coat.

 

I couldn’t resist letting a little smile spread across my lips.  He did look funny, the coat was ever so slightly long for him and the sleeves hung down from his arms.

 

Clearing his throat he began to do a perfect impression of the new teacher, his voice raising at just the right moments.  Everyone began to snigger and before I knew it I was laughing just as loud as everyone else, especially when he turned to write on the board and failed to see Mr Speers standing directly behind him.

 

I was still chuckling when we got up to leave half an hour later.

 

“What you laughing about?” Simon asked me, smiling at me and taking my hand.

 

“Nothing,” I replied, letting out another giggle.

 

He must have put it down to girlish giggles as he didn’t ask again, just pulled me across the room towards the door.

 

There was a bit of a push to get out, there always is when it’s the last lesson before lunch and just as we got to the door a crowd of Populars surged forward, breaking my hand from Simons as he got lost in the sea of people in front of us.  Tutting slightly under my breath I walked quickly towards the door, slamming to a halt as I reached it the same time as someone else.

 

I looked up straight into Ben’s face. 

 

He smiled at me and I quickly looked away before my face gave something away that I didn’t want him to know.

 

He had treated me so badly and I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

 

I moved towards the door, and he stepped forwards at the same time, before changing his mind and moving backwards to let me through.

I breathed a silent sigh of relief and pushed my way through the crowd to find my boyfriend.