I felt so nervous as I reached out a tentative hand and knocked on the door.
What had happened with Ben earlier that day had started to confuse me, one moment he was ignoring me and the next he was all over me like a rash. We had kissed twice now, and he had definitely initiated the second one, did he want me?
“Hello Kim,” Mrs Adams opened the door, a smile stretched across her face.
I forced my mouth into a grin that matched hers, and on her invite made my way up to Ben’s bedroom.
The door was opened a jar and I could hear some music blasting out through it. Peering cautiously into the room I saw him sat on his bed, his eyes closed, completely engrossed in the music he was listening to.
I paused for a moment and looked at him, he looked amazing, and for a second I wanted nothing more than to march into the room and claim him as mine.
Shaking myself out of my dream state, I knocked on his door and pushed it open.
He opened his eyes immediately and smiled at me, making my stomach churn over in the process. Why was this happening? Could two simple kisses really change my opinion of him? I mean, he hadn’t exactly treated me any better than before.
I sat down on the end of his bed, keeping my distance from him.
“Why did you call me over?”
“I wanted to see you,” he replied simply.
“Why?”
“Thought we could hang out.”
“Oh”
We sat there in silence, him looking at me with those amazing eyes and me shuffling awkwardly under his stare.
Bit by bit he seemed to be creeping further towards me, and for some reason I was unable to move. It was those damn eyes again, they had taken control of me and suddenly nothing mattered more than having him near me again.
“You’re really really pretty Kim,” he murmured to me as his lips appeared right up against my ear.
“I am?”
His hand reached out and he ran it gently threw my hair.
“Yeah,” he agreed thoughtfully, “you are a complete classic.”
“A what?”
“You are just so beautiful, your hair,” he twisted my head so that I was looking right at him, “and your eyes, I could look at them for hours.”
To a normal sane person all of that would just sound like the corniest chat up line ever, but at that very moment I was completely and utterly shocked and very flattered. When someone like Ben tells you you’re beautiful you don’t take it lightly.
So instead of walking away I found my arms wrapped around his neck.
“Do you really want me?” I asked him, disbelieving him slightly.
“More than you’d ever know,” he whispered.
That was all I needed to hear and when his lips landed on mine, I responded eagerly, loving the way that he made me feel.
I was wanted – wanted by the most popular boy in school and the best looking boy I had ever seen … the boy that I had craved ever since I was 11 years old.
The kiss was perfect, slow, gentle and thoughtful, he made it so easy to respond and I moved my lips gently against his, my hands moving through his hair.
He eventually drew away slowly, placing a few quick kisses on my lips before pulling right back and smiling at me.
I didn’t say anything, just smiled back at him before moving in for another kiss.
This time his lips were moving much quicker than mine and he was completely controlling what went on, before too long I felt his mouth part mine and his tongue slid into my mouth.
I loosened my grip on him, shocked by the strange sensation. It felt so odd having a foreign object in my mouth and when I felt his tongue touch mine I recoiled it so far into the back of my throat I honestly thought I was going to be sick, the further I withdrew the more he seemed to push his tongue in until I thought I was going to gag.
I started to panic. I tried to pull my head back slightly, yet still could feel him taking over my mouth, he was completely out of control and I wasn’t liking it one bit. There had to be a way to stop him, he must have an off button somewhere. I started to flap my arms a bit but he didn’t seem to notice, so I put my hands firmly on his arms and he pulled away.
Phew he did have a stop button.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“Too much too soon,” I spluttered, trying to calm myself down.
“Sorry,” he muttered, putting his arms back round me, “was that your first?”
Ahhh, he could tell! Although I guess anyone would have done after the performance I’d just given.
“My first time was you, remember?” I said turning slightly red.
“Kim we were 11! I meant was that your first proper one?”
“Kind of,” I explained meekly.
“And you didn’t like it?” he asked.
“Not really,” I replied honestly.
“It can be really nice though,” he commented, smiling gently at me, “I’ll show you.”
He came closer towards me again and I shuddered, not really wanting his tongue forced into my mouth again.
“Shut your eyes,” he commanded softly, and I found myself doing exactly as he asked.
Sitting in the darkness my senses seemed heightened as he placed his lips back on mine, giving me a few gentle kisses before slowly running his tongue along my top lip and then down to my bottom lip. It was a nice feeling, all tickly and it made my chest pump really hard.
Gently skimming over my lips he curled his tongue upwards until it was gently running along the top of my mouth. Relaxing more into it, I lifted my tongue up and brushed it lightly against his, him responding in a manner that was just as gentle and light.
Now this was nice!! I could get used to this.
We lay slightly down on the bed, my head lost in the new sensation. It took me a while before I realised that his hand had left my side and was now creeping slowly up my body and towards my chest.
I pulled abruptly away, there was no way I was going there!
“Ben! Can we talk?” I asked.
He smiled at me cheekily and just placed his lips back on mine but I pulled hastily away.
“I’m serious.”
“Don’t feel like talking,” he grumbled, sitting up next to me.
“Well we’re not going to do this all night,” I retorted, “so we either sit here and talk or we go out somewhere.”
30 minutes later and we were walking towards the entrance of UCI.
I walked quickly, wanting to make it in time for the trailers, as far as I am concerned trailers are the best part of the film, that and the popcorn of course.
I turned round to ask Ben if he had the right change but he was still some way behind me, his body pressed tightly up against the wall.
“What are you doing?” I asked running back towards him.
“Nothing,” he replied a little too quickly.
He looked so odd, although he was talking to me his eyes were shooting around behind me and he looked almost nervous.
“Stop pratting around,” I said, taking his hand and leading him towards the doors.
He did as he was told, although was still shifting little looks behind him every now and again.
Once we got inside things got stranger, he insisted that he get all the tickets while I go and get the popcorn, he then made me wait in the dark corridor until the lights in the screen had gone down and then he pulled me in through the door quickly and plonked me straight on to the back row.
After that he seemed to relax a little, if anything a little too much, there were several times during the film that I felt his arm snake round my back and his lips press into my neck.
I brushed him off each time, I wasn’t stupid, I knew exactly what his game was, he was worried about being seen with me, he was perfectly happy to skulk around in the shadows with me but when it came to being seen with me in broad day light he wasn’t interested.
We left just before the lights went up and made our way back home in silence.
That night I swore I would never speak to him again.