Chapter 15
“Today is a day like any other day.”
I told my reflection firmly as I smudged some colour onto both eyelids.
“He hates you, and you hate him.”
I stood up and opened my curtains, letting a glimmer of dim winter light enter my room. I automatically found my gaze fixed to Ben’s house, my eyes moving up to his bedroom window.
“He hates you,” I repeated to myself in a quiet voice.
I found myself saying this over and over throughout most of the morning at school. More than anything I wanted everything to be normal. I didn’t feel any differently about Ben, I still thought he was an arrogant bastard, even more so than ever now actually. But it still didn’t stop me feeling awkward about the whole situation.
“What is it with you today?” Jemma asked as we walked down the corridor to third period.
“What do you mean?” I snapped to attention immediately.
“You’re just acting really odd that’s all.”
“I am?”
“Yep.”
“How do you …?”
I stopped mid sentence as the one person I dreaded seeing loomed in front of me in the corridor.
“Shit.” I muttered under my breath, quickly looking around for an escape route, there had to be somewhere I could run to. Unfortunately though school corridors were pretty limited when it came to escape routes, the only place nearby was the boys’ toilets, and I didn’t think I could get away with running in that direction.
“Don’t let him bug you,” Jemma said to me, immediately seeing what had caused my reaction.
Little did she know how much more it was effecting me this time though. What was I supposed to do? Just walk past him? Give him a little smile? Glare at him?
It was right at the last minute that I decided I would look up at him, just to see what I could read from his face. A second before he passed me I clamped my eyes firmly on his, but I couldn’t read anything, they were cold and looked right through me. No glimmer of recognition, no hint of a smile, not even hatred. Absolutely nothing.
I felt sick. So sick things in front of me started to swim, I wanted to just sit on the cool hard floor and curl up in a ball.
“Kim?” I heard a voice from above me. “Kim are you OK?”
“I’m OK,” I heard myself muter in response, “just feel a bit faint.”
A few moments later and I found myself sitting in the sick room, Jemma sat on the bed with me, her arm round my shoulders.
“You OK now?” she asked.
I replied quietly, still shaking, completely confused about what had just happened, and feeling a little off colour.
The sick room wasn’t really helping much. It was a well known fact that the school sick room made you feel ten times worse than you had done before. It had been sitting in the school untouched since the 1980s. It consisted only of a toilet cubical made up entirely of orange plastic and a bed with a big yellow woolly duvet.
“I think there’s someone here to see you,” Jemma said gently before getting up and leaving the room.
I looked towards the door, Simon was standing there, his face full of worry.
“I’m sorry,” he said awkwardly.
“What for?”
“I’m sorry about what happened the other day.”
“Don’t be,” I said quickly.
The last thing I wanted was to hear him apologising, especially after what I’d done last night. I looked at his concerned face and burst into tears.
“Don’t cry sweetie, I’m so sorry,” he said.
I stuck my tongue out towards my upper lip, catching the tears as they began to fall down my face.
“Its OK,” I replied.
“No its not, I’m sorry.”
I had never felt more miserable in my life, here I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself, crying over something that was entirely my fault and letting my boyfriend take the blame for it all.
“I got jealous and it was wrong of me,” he continued.
“It doesn’t matter,” I insisted.
“It does matter, I was jealous of you and Ben.”
My face contorted immediately at the mention of his name, something which luckily he completely misread.
“ I know the idea was absurd,” he said, sitting next to me on the bed and holding my hand tightly. “ I mean you hate him.”
I found myself nodding in agreement, wiping my sleeve along my face to try and mop some of the tears up.
“You forgive me?” he asked.
I flung my arms tightly around him and was thankful to feel him return the gesture, more than anything I felt a need to be held right now and he made me feel safe.
“I’m sorry too,” I said, my voice sounding muffled from the depths of his jumper, “I’m really really sorry.”
“What do you need to be sorry for pumpkin?” he asked me in bemusement.
“Anything I may have done to upset you,” I replied, not daring to admit the truth.
“You haven’t done anything, you are perfect.”
“Well I’m very very sorry anyway,” I said, needing him to accept my apology. I meant every word, I really was truly sorry for what I had done. Simon was my rock, and to think that I had betrayed him stung my insides.
Pulling away from me he gave me a little smile before placing his lips on mine in an affectionate little peck.
“You ready to get out of here?” he asked.
I sniffed, trying to compose myself, I had said sorry and needed to leave it all behind me.
Fixing a huge smile on him I replied, “yep, I could really do with some fresh air.”
He lead me outside and we made our way to the playground.
“It’s break time already?” I asked in confusion.
“Yep you were in there quite a while.”
“How long?”
“Whole of third period I think.”
“How did you know I was in there?”
“Rena told me,” he replied.
I nodded, “thanks for coming to see me.”
“I was worried about you.” He gripped onto my hand tighter, “I’d been wanting to talk to you all morning.”
“Had you?”
“Yep, I had a horrid night last night.”
“Me too,” I replied, no word of a lie, last night had been a complete nightmare.
“All I kept thinking was how you were supposed to be round and how I had driven you away.” He confided, “Then I saw you this morning and you just looked beautiful, and I knew more than ever that I had to speak to you.”
“You did?”
“Yep.”
He stopped me on the pathway and looked me straight in the eyes, “you should wear makeup more often you know.”
My hands automatically flew up to my face. I had completely forgotten I had even put any on this morning. I never wore makeup, I could never be bothered with it, it was all too time consuming for something as trivial as school. It seemed weird that I had decided to put some on this morning.
“I doubt it looks very good now, “ I said, self consciously rubbing away at the possible panda marks under my eyes.
“Still looks fabulous to me,” he replied.
We carried on walking towards the playground, I was finally beginning to feel a bit happier again, I knew I could easily put the past behind me, I was with a guy that cared about me so much and he was the most important thing now, I wasn’t going to let myself get wound up by anything ever again.
“We’ll have to try again sometime,” he said.
“Try what?”
“You coming round mine,” he grinned, “next time my parents are out and we can have the place to ourselves I’ll let you know.”
“I’d like that,”
He smiled to himself as we carried on walking, edging along the wall that ran alongside the playground.
“You mind just waiting here for me?” he asked
“Why?” I asked alarmed, not wanting him to leave my side for more than a second.
“I just want to get something from the tuck shop,” he said with a chuckle, “I’ll only be a couple of moments.”
“OK,” I replied reluctantly.
He left me with a little kiss and I watched as he walked away from me.
I leant against the wall and sighed, I didn’t like him leaving me, things didn’t seem quite so clear when he wasn’t by my side.
I took a deep breath inhaling a lung full of smoke at the same time.
Eurghhhh, I had forgotten I was right near the bike sheds, the Populars always smoked round there, no doubt they were all round there now.
I shuffled a little further along the wall to get away from it, turning my back away from the cloud of smoke.
“Kim?” a voice hissed from behind me.
I ignored it, knowing who it probably was, but wanting more than anything for it to just go away and leave me alone.
“Kim,” it repeated.
I moved further along the wall, still refusing to turn and face it.
“Kim I know you can hear me,” it repeated.
“Yes, OK, Ben I can hear you,” I snapped back.
“Well why didn’t you reply then?”
”Cos I didn’t want to”
“Oh”
I smiled to myself, seemed like Mr Popularity wasn’t used to having people snub him.
“I kind of need to ask you something,” he asked.
“Oh well, my boyfriend will be back in a moment,” I said airily.
“You mean Simon?” he sneered, and then started to laugh.
I spun round in anger, “don’t you dare slag off Simon, he’s worth about ten of you.” I immediately blushed red, this time last week I wouldn’t have said boo to a ghost, yet here I was shouting at a Popular.
“Got you to turn round though didn’t I?” he asked taking another puff of his cigarette and grinning.
I scowled furiously at him, yet stayed routed to the spot, looking right at him.
“Come on Kim, show me that beautiful smile.”
I furrowed my eyebrows even more, biting hard onto my lip to force it down into an angry pout.
He put his cigarette to his lips again, inhaling deeply before giving me another flash of that killer smile.
Suddenly I found my mouth turn upwards, in a smile that almost matched his. As much as I didn’t want to be standing here grinning at him like an idiot, he was infectious.
“Come on, let me talk to you,” he smiled, gently taking my arm and pulling me round to the back of the bike sheds.
Oh mi god!! I was behind the bike sheds! This wasn’t the kind of place you would find girls like me. The bike sheds were reserved purely for the “cool” kids, it was a haven for smokers, a place where people went to snog in private – not a place for me, and certainly not a place for me with Ben.
“Ben I shouldn’t come round here,” I muttered, scanning the playground to see if I could see Simon.
“Why?” he asked.
I eyed him cautiously, wondering what exactly it was he wanted from me. He didn’t seem to be in any kind of a hurry though. He slowly finished his fag, before throwing it on the floor and stamping on it. Blowing one final puff of smoke into the air he pulled me tight against him.
“Come over where?”
“To my house silly.”
When my boyfriend found me five minutes later the kiss he gave me was lacking something.