Taking a deep breath I stepped
through the gateway, the gateway that was going to lead to the most miserable
night of my young life. Right up until
the last minute possible I had been arguing with Mum, convincing her that me going
to this barbeque was a bad idea, but she was having none of it, throwing my
coat into my hands and telling me to smile and be pleasant.
This was the last place on earth I wanted to be. If it hadn’t been for this stupid barbeque
then I would still be talking to Simon and right now I’d be sat round his house
rather than sitting in a freezing cold garden with people I didn’t really know.
The garden was full of people, mostly families from the village,
the adults all standing around in huddles talking and their small children
running around their feet. There was no
one else there my age, no one apart from Ben that is. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, chatting to his
mother and balancing a plate of food on his arm. I looked quickly away, and instead let my eyes glance round the
rest of the garden. A lot of effort had
been put into the evening, the patio was set up with the barbeque, a large
table full of food and a bowl of fruit punch.
The fence surrounding the garden was twinkling with little fairy lights,
lighting the garden into a dim glow.
Taking a hot dog, I found myself a chair in the far corner of the
garden and threw myself down on it. I
pulled my coat closer around me, trying desperately to block out the cool
breeze that was blowing around me.
Miserably I opened my mouth and began to munch slowly on my food. Taking an extra large bite from one end the
sides of the roll squished together and leaked a pool of ketchup down on to my
jeans. Swearing quietly under my breath
I began to rub it with the napkin, causing it to smear its red stain across the
material.
“You OK there dear?” a voice asked.
I looked up to see Mrs Adams smiling at me.
“Just a slight accident,” I admitted.
“Come with me and I’ll clean you up.”
Trotting after her we made our way through the patio doors and
into the house.
It was surreal, I never thought that I’d be in the house of the
most popular boy in school. Passing the
stairs I found myself glancing upstairs, wondering if it was the same old door
that lead to his bedroom.
“You should find Ben,” Mrs Adams commented, noting my glancing
eyes.
“Pardon?” I asked, entering the kitchen and standing at the basin
while she started rinsing a cloth in warm water and stain remover.
“Well I’m sure the pair of you don’t want to be spending your
evening with untrendy adults,” she laughed pleasantly.
I smiled at her weakly, not answering, thinking that may be if I
didn’t she would realise that this wasn’t high on my list of activities for the
evening.
“I’ll go and suggest it to him when we get outside.”
The thought of Ben being made to hang with me all evening filled
me with dread.
“No its fine, Mrs Adams,” I urged, “I’m sure Ben is busy handing
the food out and helping you.”
“Well if you’re sure dear,” she replied, hearing from the tone in
my voice that I really didn’t want to be spending time with Ben. She gave me a puzzled look, but didn’t bring
the subject again and we made our way back outside.
Moving over towards the table I picked up a plastic cup and
scooped some of the fruit punch into it, returning to my chair I took a quick
sip. It tasted different to how I
expected, making me take a further sip and swill it around in my mouth. It had a funny after taste that
lingered. Looking back towards the
table I noticed that everyone else was drinking it with no complaint and so I
drank the rest and returned to get some more, it tasted nice, different to anything
I had tried before.
“Can I get you some more?” a voice from behind me asked, making me
jump.
I turned round to see Ben, and then looked around me, making sure
that he wasn’t trying to talk to someone else.
But no it was only me standing here, Ben was talking to little old
significant me.
“There’s plenty here,” I replied haughtily, I pretended he wasn’t
there and went back to scooping some more liquid into my cup.
“Ahhh but we need some more of the secret ingredient,” he appeared
in front of me and grinned.
“You what?” I asked focusing on the bowl, annoyed that he was
still there.
Reaching into the inside of his jacket he pulled out a large
bottle of clear liquid and started to pour it into the punch bowl.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“What do you mean what is it?”
“What is it?” I repeated.
“You don’t know what it is?” he asked in disbelief, “where do you
live under a rock?”
My face began to burn hot, as usual he was making me feel small
and stupid.
“Its vodka,” he said matter of factly, screwing the cap back on
the bottle and putting it back into his jacket.
“You allowed to do that?”
“Nope, and you aren’t going to squeal on me are you?” he asked, he
looked quite worried for a moment.
“No! Why would I?” I replied, picking up my cup and storming across
the garden back to my seat. Yet again I
had been judged by someone that didn’t know me.
I quickly downed the cup and went back for more.
I knew that there wasn’t much alcohol in each one, yet I also knew
that my cheeks had begun to glow a rosy red similar to the way my Dad’s looked
every year at Christmas.
As I went back to the table for my fifth cup I bumped into him
again.
“You enjoying that aren’t you?” he asked, looking slightly amused
at me.
“Yeah, I’m not too square to enjoy a drink you know,” I replied.
“Never said you were,” he replied, surprised by my sudden
outburst.
I looked at the floor and muttered quietly.
“Pardon?” he asked, leaning in closer towards me to try and pick
up what I was saying.
“Doesn’t matter,” I replied.
“Why can’t you look at me when you are speaking to me? He asked
suddenly.
“What?” I asked, bringing my glance up from the floor and fixing
it towards him.
“You never look me in the eye when you are talking to me”
“Don’t know what you mean”
Putting a hand on my chin, he forced my face upwards until my eyes
were level with his own.
“That’s better,” he said gently, his voice barely above a whisper.
I felt my face begin to glow red again, I always had a problem
looking people straight in the eye, it made me feel so self conscious and I
hated it. Pulling away from his glance
I shifted my eyes back down to the table.
“No you don’t,” he said softly, pulling me back into his gaze
again.
This time I found myself looking straight at him, my eyes locked
into his. I was surprised at how blue
they were and as I continued to look at him I found myself begin to slowly
relax, the redness of my cheeks slowly evaporating until I had returned to my
normal colour. My mind felt completely
blank as I continued to loose myself, his eyes were so blue and the deeper I
looked into them the more I began to forget myself. My surroundings disappeared, it was just me standing here all
alone, looking into these amazing pools of blue.
“You want to go upstairs?”
I found myself nodding in agreement. I wasn’t even sure what he meant by the question, yet suddenly
found myself following him obediently.
As we went into his room and he shut the door behind him I began
to slowly return to the reality of the situation as I took in my
surroundings.
I was in Ben’s room.
“Why did you bring me up here?” I asked, awkwardly shuffling
myself from foot to foot.
“To chat, I thought you were probably getting lonely down there by
yourself.”
“But you don’t like me” I found myself muttering quietly.
“What made you think that?” he asked, sitting down on the bed and
patting the spot next to him with his hand.
“Well, we are so different.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t like you.”
He smiled at me, and despite my confusion I found myself smiling
back at him.
“So do you not like me then?” he continued.
“Wouldn’t say I’m a huge fan,” I replied honestly, suddenly
feeling very awkward and almost ashamed.
“I’m sure I can change your mind.”
The next moment he bent his head towards mine and put a hand to my
cheek, bringing my gaze firmly into his.
I felt myself shudder slightly, there was something about the way that
he looked at me that had begun to make me feel wobbly, my heart was hammering
and echoing round all of my body. He
closed his eyes and so I did the same, I sat there in the darkness for a few
seconds, before I felt his lips place softly onto mine. I sat there in a confused state of shock and
panic, it had only been a few days ago that I had had my first ever kiss, and
now here I was being kissed by the most popular boy in school, the most
worrying thing being that I still didn’t really know what I was doing. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t supposed to
be sitting here like a vegetating piece of broccoli.
He began to gently run his fingers around the back of my neck, it
was a nice feeling and I slowly felt myself begin to relax, making me feel
brave enough to start moving my lips around his. His lead was easy to follow and I found myself eagerly returning
his soft gentle kisses.
“Kim! Time to go home!”
A voice boomed up the stairs, rushing straight into my ears and
bringing back to reality.
Quickly pulling away from Ben, I got to my feet and without a
backwards glance went downstairs, taking them two at a time.