Chapter 11

 I was actually here, standing in the entrance to the school hall, shaking all over like a big raspberry jelly.

 I tugged nervously at my dress, in the comfort of my own bedroom it had made me feel amazing, sexy even, but here it just didn’t feel right.  I never wore dresses and standing in such a public place with one on made me want to run.

 It was a lovely dress and had taken me ages to find.  I’d been into Norwich one Saturday with Jemma and Rena and we had all bundled into Monsoon, the kind of place that you normally love to browse in but could never afford to buy anything from, except this time we had all been armed with money especially for our dresses. 

 We had spent a happy afternoon running in and out of the changing rooms trying different outfits on and eventually I had settled for this dress. 

 It was a deep red colour, which according to Jemma really made my dark hair stand out, I wasn’t so sure.  In the shop I had insisted that I felt like a tomato that had been out in the sun too long, but they were having none of it and eventually even I had come to accept that may be it did look alright.  It was long and floaty at the bottom and made of a clingy satin material.  It became much tighter from the top of my legs upwards, and finished where the material overlaid downwards slightly around my chest.  To finish it off I had accessorised with little red strappy sandals and a new bag to match.

 But now here in the hall, it suddenly didn’t seem so nice anymore.  I fiddled with the top of the dress, repositioning the material, conscious that I might be showing people my bra.

 “You look amazing!” a voice whispered in my ear.

 It was Simon, who had suddenly appeared right next to me, he must have been standing right near the door waiting because I hadn’t even entered the hall and he had managed to find me.

 I guess traditionally he should have picked me up from home, and it was something that he had wanted to do.  He had been saying for weeks about how he’d pick me up from my house and we could order a taxi and arrive at school together.  But that had filled me with dread, this was my first ever proper date and I didn’t want my family involved in it at all.  I could envisage my mother running around with the camera wanting to take embarrassing photos for the family album and my dad eyeing him up suspiciously.  Simon had been round my house loads of times before, but something told me that from now on they might start treating him a little differently.

 “That dress is gorgeous,” he added.

 I shook myself back to reality, this was the moment where I was supposed to smile graciously and thank him, but instead I found myself replying.

 “It’s nothing special and I feel like a bit of a goon in it.”

 OK, why had I just said that?  I always did that, if anyone ever paid me a compliment I got all shy and defensive, it was so annoying.  I blushed a colour that almost matched my dress.

 “Well it must be pretty special because everyone else is looking at you.”

 For the first time I looked up and had a proper look around the school hall.  It looked wonderful.  As it was the winter dance the decorations were very much along the blue and white theme and we even had little icicles hanging off the windows.  All of the lighting was done in blue with little white dots from the mirror ball circling the walls.  It was a pretty large hall and so most of the upper school were all in, dancing with their partners in the wide-open space.  Around the edge of the hall were chairs, where some people were sitting in little groups, chatting and no doubt gossiping about who had come with who.  Then on the stage stood the DJ, also known as some clown from the upper sixth, and behind him stood the buffet table.

 I began to glance round the groups of people, and made out a few people in my year that I knew, Simon was completely right, several people were looking at me and smiling.

 “Are they looking at me in a good way do you think?” I asked, self-conscious once again.

 “Kimmie, you look gorgeous and the boys have practically got their tongues hanging out.”

 I looked again.

 OK, yes Sean was looking at me with a wistful look in his eye (yuk that was creepy).

 So was some other guys in the year below.

 So was Ben Adams!! 

 Now there was a turn out for the book, he was stood on the dance floor dancing with his girlfriend, yet every time he swung around in my direction he was looking straight at me.

 OK, that was creeping me out even more and was actually making me feel rather sick ... time to look away.

  “You been here long?” I turned back to Simon, desperate to draw attention away from my dress.

 “Got here about 5 minutes before you.”

 I smiled at him and we stood in awkward silence until eventually he took my arm and pulled me over to the buffet table to get me a drink. 

 Why did romance make things so complicated?  Before all of this Simon and I had been such good friends, we’d chat and laugh, go round each other’s houses and watch videos and spend time with each other’s families.  Yet as soon as you introduced hand holding, potential kissing and a constant feeling of nausea things didn’t seem so simple anymore.

 I thankfully took my drink off him and sipped at it slowly, knowing that the longer I took to drink it the quicker the whole nightmare evening would be over, I had an awful feeling that this was about to go down as the worst first date in history.

 “You want to dance?” he asked as I eventually finished my drink and placed it back on the table.

 “Sure,” I croaked back, my mouth suddenly becoming dry with nerves.

 At least it was a fast song, that was the main thing, it wasn’t one of those ones where I’d need to snuggle up to him, so I could probably just about cope with this.

 We made our way down onto the dance floor and started to move to the music.  It was a fast dance track, one of those remakes of an old 80s song and so I smiled happily as I sang along to the words.

 Simon seemed to be enjoying himself too, he wasn’t a bad dancer and we seemed to compliment each other quite well on the dance floor, now I had started to relax I was even having a good time.

 I glanced round at the other couples around us, everyone seemed to be having a good time, dancing around wildly.  The boys made me laugh, most of them danced like idiots.

 One couple caught my eye though, Ben and Kelly weren’t dancing along with the beat like everyone else, they were completely lost in their own little world, moving slowly with their arms wrapped around each other.  I felt a little knot in my stomach … I recognised it immediately as jealousy.

 I watched them with more interest as their heads bent further towards each other and I saw Ben whisper something in her ear, she laughed and the next moment they had their lips locked firmly together.

 Ooooooh, OK best not look at that. 

 “You gawping at Adams again?” Simon asked me as I turned my attention back to where we were standing.

 “No”

 “Well you seemed to be looking in his direction for quite a time.”

 “I was just thinking that’s all.”

 “About?” he pressed.

 “How jealous of Kelly I am.”

 Simon stopped moving and his mouth opened and shut like a particularly gormless variety of fish.

 “Jealous?” he stammered, “you mean you want Ben.”

 I almost laughed out loud at that point! As if I wanted Ben!  What an absolutely absurd thought. 

 “No! I just meant I’m jealous of the way they are with each other, its really sweet.”

 I saw his face immediately begin to relax and he moved closer towards me.

 “Well we can be like that too you know,” he said quietly in my ear.

 “We can?”

 He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment.

 “Kim, will you be my girlfriend?”

 My stomach immediately lurched at his words and I felt tingly all over, the feeling was amazing and prompted my answer straight away.

 “I’d love to.”

 He grinned and moved his face closer towards mine, I knew exactly what was coming next, and I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready for it.  He had his eyes shut now, one more second and his lips would meet mine and I’d be plunged straight into the deep end.

 “I’m just going to go and get a drink,” I said quickly, pulling away and practically running towards the buffet table where I could see Jemma and Rena both standing talking.

 “OK?” Rena asked as I approached.

 “Not really”

 I was practically shaking as I picked up the ladle and began to scoop some punch into a cup.

 “You looked like you were doing fine when I last looked at you,” Jemma commented.

 “Well things changed, he asked me to be his girlfriend.”

 “He asked you?” Rena asked with a slight tone of amusement, “you mean he asked your permission?”

 “Kind of.”

 Both my friends began laughing with each other and I immediately found myself wanting to defend him.

 “But that’s just him, he’s sweet, he’s not like other guys.”

 “Well if he’s so wonderful why aren’t you over there with him rather than talking to us?” Jemma pointed out.

 I took a gulp, not quite believing that I was going to admit this.

 “Because he tried to kiss me and I got scared.”

 Rena gave me a little smile, hopefully out of sympathy, I’d hate to think that she was laughing at me.

 “Kim, you have kissed before.”

 “Not properly,” I whinged back, “not like a proper full on snog.”

 “It’s no big deal,” Jemma assured me, “it’ll all come naturally.”

 “Bet it doesn’t,” I answered stubbornly, I could easily imagine myself as being the kind of person that would find kissing awkward and then I’d never want to do it again.

 “Do you like him?” Rena asked.

 “Loads” I wined.

 “Well then you know what you have to do then,” Jemma replied, giving me a little push back in the direction of the dance floor.

 I stormed off away from them, angry that they hadn’t been more help.  They didn’t seem very sympathetic of my situation, and I was pretty sure they weren’t taking it seriously.

 I reached my destination.

 “Where you run off to?” he asked.

 “I just needed a drink,” I confessed.

 I’d been standing there only 2 seconds and already my heart had started to hammer really loudly again.

 “I missed you,” he said, pulling me closer.

 I really started to tremble then, when he said things like that it was lovely, it made me feel so wanted, something I’d been wanting to feel for such a long time.

 “I missed you too,” I replied, wanting to say something nice back.

 “Can I kiss you now?” he asked.

 Not being able to find my voice I just nodded my head and closing my eyes immediately waited for it to happen.

 It felt like I stood there for a while, I could sense that his face was creeping in closer to mine and his breath softly tickled my face.

 I swallowed hard again and the next moment I felt his lips pressed on mine in one little kiss before they returned again for another. 

 I opened my mouth a little to let in a bit of air before I passed out, and again I found his lips make contact with mine.  This time they were moving around my mouth a little.  OK, this felt weird, weird but kind of nice.  I began to move mine against his slightly, trying really hard to follow his lead and compliment what he was doing to me.

 At that moment he moved his hands into my hair and started to gently feel each strand with his fingers.  It felt amazing, so relaxing and it made me tingle all over.  All the feelings in my head seemed to have been heightened as he gently touched me, and each time he took his hand away my brain was screaming out silently for more.

 It was then that I realised that I had been kissing him for all this time and hadn’t even worried about it.  I was so lost in how good it all felt it no longer bothered me whether or not I was doing it right.

 I wanted so much to grin, and as he pulled away my mouth was taken over by a huge smile.

 He pulled me into a tight hug and looking past his shoulder I could see Jemma and Rena still standing at the buffet table smiling at me.

 I smiled back, happy that at last I had done it, and it hadn’t been nearly so bad as I thought it would be.

 I stroked my hands down my boyfriends back.

 Boyfriend.

 I had a boyfriend.

 And for the first time ever my life just felt complete.