“No, Paul, don’t listen . . . . I love you!” Mark called out as Paul walked away from him, muttering. He felt someone tap his shoulder, but there was no one there.
      “Mark? Mark? Mark? Sweetie?” A voice called. A warm, reassuring voice he recognised. He loved that voice. It called the same thing over and over, and the tapping on his shoulder continued. Then he realised-it was a dream. He opened his eyes and saw the blurry outline of his girlfriend. He took a couple of minutes to focus, then looked at the alarm clock. Quarter to four. Quarter to four??? They’d only gotten exhausted two hours ago, meaning he’d had two hours sleep before Siobhan felt like having some company. It wasn’t like her to wake him up; she knew how important sleep was to him. She explained herself before he could complain.
      “Babes, are you okay? You were telling Paul you loved him, and thrashing about, I thought I should check that you’re okay. Usually you say that stuff about Ben, not Paul” she giggled, and Mark frowned.
      “I thought you weren’t going to laugh at that, and I thought I told you to forget it” Mark snapped, sitting up.
      “Babes, I wasn’t laughing at-well, I was laughing at the change from Ben to Paul, and well, I can hardly manage to forget that my boyfriend’s bisexual, can I?”
      “Will you keep your voice down? You know you’re the only person to know that”
      “Who’s going to hear Mark? We’re the only people in this house. And I know I’m the only person to know. In a way, it makes me feel better”
      “How?”
      “Well” She made him lay down again, then lay on top of him, her mouth level with his chin, her right hand holding his left and her left hand fiddling with his chest hair. “If you don’t let anyone else know, you can’t go off with a guy behind my back. Although I do get worried when you say I’m the only girl for you. Makes me think there’s lots of guys”
      ‘No, just three’
      “Babe, that’s only because other people are around, I have to say girl. But you know you’re my favourite person. Besides, I can’t have kids with guys now, can I?” He kissed her and wrapped her in his arms, turning over so she was on her back and he was on her, the bedclothes getting in the way where the sweat from earlier had made them sticky. For once, he wasn’t totally lying. Mark looked down at the love bites forming at her neck. He smiled. He’d definitely left his mark on Siobhan, and it went deeper than just love bites. She had seemed satisfied with his answers, as she was already back to sleep. Mark sighed, wishing he could automatically go back to sleep. But he couldn’t, the dream was playing on his mind. He had to be discreet with Paul obviously, and find a way to stop Ben and Paul discussing things. He sighed and pulled closer to the person next to him, wishing through his thoughts that she was awake so they could continue where they left off.
      “Siobhan? Sweetheart? Are you awake?” He double-checked, not wanting to think too much about his scenario while she was awake. No answer. “You know, if you were awake, I’d sing for you right now”. Still no answer. That confirmed it, she was asleep. She was always begging him to sing, especially if he did it loud and powerfully, somehow she got a little turned on by it. He’d even sung to her in the middle of sex before, but it had worn him out too easily so she told him not to try it again. He glanced down at her wrists, and could still see the marks where the handcuffs had chaffed her, and then looked at her arms, at the bruises she had gotten by continually walking into doors accidentally. Although he hated seeing her body bruised, he had to laugh to himself. If she couldn’t walk around a bloody door, there was no way she’d find out about him satisfying his little urges.
      He really couldn’t help it, as much as he loved her, and loved being with her; there was that little voice in the back of his head, pleading for a good bloke to be with. And who was he to ignore the voice when two guys come to him on a platter? He wished he didn’t have to keep lying to stop the voice turning into a shout, but the voice seemed to think that lying and scheming were necessary. It wanted deceit, coldness, and most of all it wanted . . . Ben? Paul? Chris? Mark couldn’t be sure, and the voice didn’t seem too sure right now either. It could be so confusing sometimes, and in moments of confusion it possessed him, made him behave differently. Anyway, at the moment, the best way the voice could think of to solve the problem was to have them all, or else it would take him over completely . . . but hadn’t it done that already anyway? Hadn’t it possessed him while he made love to his girlfriend earlier? Those love bites, she hated them with a passion, but the night had been his, she’d said, and the voice had seen its chance. He thought a little more and realised that this was the first moment he’d been free of the voice since . . . well, it wasn’t there the night before, not much anyway, but it didn’t count, he’d been on good terms with Siobhan, and ignored the voice for the while He lifted his free hand to his head. This was the voice’s revenge for his ignorance, the last twenty-four hours. So many lies and so much backstabbing had already happened. And, oh dear god, he’d split Ben and Sammie up. Ben and Sammie, the most perfect couple ever was now nothing. Just the ashes of a relationship. What a bastard!
      That dream, that must have been a warning from the voice, to do as he was told or suffer the consequences. He gripped Siobhan in fear, glad for once that she was a deep sleeper. He didn’t want this voice, he never asked for it to come and turn his world upside down, to question his sexuality, to rip apart all those people he cared for so much. Why can’t it just bugger off and leave him happily with his girlfriend. Was it sleeping now? He hoped it was, after wishing for it to bugger off it better be, or Marks punishment was going to get worse. Maybe he should sleep to, before it wakes up and takes over his life again. But how could he sleep when he was petrified of what it was going to do to him, and what it was going to make him do? Was it still awake, forcing him awake so he’d be in this state of fear? He shivered, and started sweating again, although this was a different sweat to the one created by both of them earlier. This was cold, and froze him to his very bones. A tear slipped from his eye, and he leant towards Siobhan’s ear.
      “I’m sorry. Right now, I’m sorry in advance for any mistake I make, anything I do to hurt you, I don’t mean to, I don’t want to, all I want is you happy. Please don’t ever leave me, please forgive me for what I might do, it won’t be me, I swear” He stopped talking and stared at the sleeping person next to him, and felt a stirring inside. He stopped crying quickly, knowing what was about to happen. He was about to lose control again. He tried to fight it, stop it from happening, but the voice was angry, and won the struggle, sending Mark to sleep again, more exhausted than before.

      He woke up, the voice already in control. It was as though the real Mark was trapped in the back of his mind. He could see everything, but everything looked strangely surreal. He could feel things, but they felt different, more pure than before. Was that them purifying or the effect of something so evil taking over his whole being? He felt himself lean over and whisper
      “I got to go to the studio now”. He’d never say that to her, he always tried to sleep in with her. A sense of coldness swept over him, a lack of emotion that should be full of love, the lack of emotion that was aimed at her. Mark wanted to scream as realisation smacked him it the eye of the coldness-he was living his dream, although it was more like a nightmare.
      “’Kay” she whispered back, then moved in her sleep, turning away from him, almost as though she could sense the change in him. Why? Why did she say okay? Why didn’t she question him? Was it the lack of sleep the voice had caused? Mark wanted to scream out, get her to use the handcuffs to attach him to the bed. The voice controlled his limbs, making him glance at the alarm clock. Six a.m. This wasn’t fair! It was the dream all over again! The voice forced his body to get dressed and leave. Getting in the car, it said
      “I have Ben and Paul both wanting me, how cool” and smirked, glancing in the rear view mirror. Mark checked the face. It was his all right. But those eyes, they weren’t his. They didn’t love anything. The voice drove him to the car park of a shopping centre. It wanted some alone time with Mark, and as he had no control over his arms, he couldn’t do a thing to stop it. Oh, he’d love to crash the car just to avoid what was about to occur. The voice began talking, not through his mouth, thankfully, but through his eyes in the mirror.
      ‘There’s no need to worry Mark. That dream was only my way of reminding myself to be careful. Since when did Siobhan get up when you did? You usually have to crowbar her out of the bed’ it cackled, and Mark shuddered. ‘Besides, Ben calling Paul out of the blue would be a little random wouldn’t it? Especially when Ben’s trying to patch things up with Sammie. Yeah, I slipped up there, with that bloody phone call. Damn Colin, why does he always have to be on the ball? He almost worked out you were bisexual already’ Mark managed to interrupt.
      ‘But he knows whether I am or not I’m faithful, there’s no way I would cheat’
      ‘Yeah, typical you. But how are you ever going to get men then, hey Mark? I know there’s an engagement ring sitting in your pocket, like it has for the past week. Seven weeks and already you want to propose. And as for having kids with her, well, you really think she’d want the names you’d pick out? Bart? Simba? Buzz? Ariel?’ It laughed again, probably thinking of more Disney names. Mark hated this so much, why couldn’t it just-
      ‘Why can’t I just what Mark? Leave you alone? “Bugger off”? I heard that earlier. Why would you want to destroy part of yourself? I am part of you now Mark. I’ll only die when you do. Now today, we’ve got to schedule things carefully. I don’t trust you enough to take matters in your hands, so I’m controlling this body today. Thanks for keeping it in such great shape by the way. Now, I don’t know why I took five hours to get to the studio in the dream, I’m assuming I let you do your own thing for a while, which wasn’t wise. So I won’t in reality. And we have to keep our eye on Paul’s mobile too, just in case Ben does get it in his head to warn Paul. I’m going to make this easy for you Mark, make it easy for yourself by doing as I say.’
      It shut up then, and pulled the car into fifth gear, almost crashing with a learner driver, before screeching out and onto the roads leading to the studio, burning rubber all along the tarmac. Mark tried to close his eyes in fear, but nothing seemed to be working. He had to sit and face the ninety-mile-an-hour journey, hoping that he wouldn’t get a ticket. He got to the studio at about eight, and bumped into Paul, who purposefully parked next to him.
      ‘Play it cool Mark’ the voice said inwardly.
      “Hey Paul”
      “Hey Mark!” Paul grinned. Mark wanted to yell out, run off, and get as far away from this as possible. He was subjected to a hug from Paul, which usually he didn’t mind. But this hug was different; it showed how interested Paul was. Mark felt his hand glide over Paul’s eager face, and down his chest. What was going on? Paul usually got with a different girl each hour, and never got this interested. But it felt like Paul only wanted Mark now.
      ‘And that’s going to be perfect Mark”
      “So how’s it going?” Mark heard himself ask. Even his voice was losing its warmth, as the voice continued to control him. Paul seemed too happy to notice.
      “Great” Paul smiled “Well, if we’re still on that is” He looked away shyly for a moment.
      “Yeah, we’re still on” Mark heard himself say, and felt himself smile as he lead Paul around to some alleyway full of skips. The voice pushed down on Paul, and Mark’s terror increased. It was bad enough caving into the voice and enjoying what he and Ben had shared, but cheating again? This wasn’t him, it wasn’t anything like him, but Paul was too happy to notice. Instead, he pulled Mark closer, and initiated the kiss. The voice either hadn’t enjoyed it the way Mark and Paul had, or had other ideas, as it pulled away quickly.
      “I’ll save the rest for somewhere more private” He winked, and together they trudged up to the studio, where Christian was already recording. As he settled down in a chair, Mark turned on the voice.
      ‘Why did you stop kissing Paul?’
      ‘Mark! I do believe you enjoyed it’ it replied sarcastically, avoiding Paul’s eyes by reading a magazine.
      ‘Well, yeah-’
      ‘And you enjoyed it with Ben, right?’
      ‘Yes, but that’s not the point, why did you start it in the first place? Why are you doing this to me?’
      ‘Anyone would think you were straight the way you’re going on. Three very attractive men surround you all day long and yet until I developed, you never would’ve gone near them. It’s quite sad Mark. All I’m doing is giving you a chance to live the way you want and you throw it back at me. That hurts Mark, but I could hurt you more. Where does your girlfriend work again? Might pay her a visit and oh, dear, break up with her if you don’t play my games Mark’
      He was starting to hate the way the voice said his name, but the excess coldness surrounding him told him it would be wise, for the moment, to allow the voice it’s wishes. The voice noticed the way he was thinking, and allowed him to be himself while he was singing, although Mark was too aware that the voice couldn’t copy the warmth in his real voice. It still needed the real Mark sometimes. Mark wondered how long he was going to be needed before the voice controlled him completely. He shuddered. It couldn’t be that long, how long had it been controlling him already? It must have started a while ago, very slightly at first, so Mark wasn’t aware what was happening to him, and he had the strange feeling it hadn’t reached it’s climax yet. He wished he could speak out about it while he had power over his muscles, but he knew studio time was precious, and he was scared it would know what he was doing and take control again. Instead, he walked dejectedly into the sound booth and looked at the lyrics he was supposed to be recording. They were enough to send him into tears, mainly ‘coz they hit so close to how he felt

                                                  ‘Now time ain’t healing,
                                                   Another week gone by,
                                                   Girl it feels like a year,
                                                   I’ve been calling,
                                                   Every day and night,
                                                   How I wish you were here’

      Mark could remember the night they had all written that, with a couple of other fantastic writers. It was a while ago, about a month after they’d met Siobhan and Sammie, who had been training with them. It was the night Ben admitted he liked Sammie, and the night Mark finally stopped arguing with Siobhan about every little thing and admitted he actually didn’t mind her. He laughed to himself. They had really detested each other at first, unlike Ben and Sammie who continuously flirted with each other. He’d even thought she’d end up with Christian and told Christian that she was a right wench. The memory cheered him up a little, all the little things they did to wind each other up, like swapping her hair gel with jam, and her pouring French mustard into her own burger and making him think she’d done something to his so he ended up taking a huge bite out of her burger, burning his mouth and stopping him tasting anything properly for a week. Writing that song had opened his eyes to how he really felt, or thought he felt about her, and it ended up that he and Ben had done most of the song together. He was going through so many emotions so rapidly that it was hard for him to keep on track with how he should be singing, and the producer was getting annoyed at him.
      “Mark, wanna take a break?”
      “No, I can do this, I swear I can!”
      Everyone else sighed, and Paul gave him a pitying look. Mark turned quickly, not wanting to encourage Paul in the least. There was already enough trouble in his love life without Paul thinking Mark only wanted him. Mark screwed up his face in concentration and let rip, finally singing it the right way, imagining what it was going to be like for him to say goodbye to Siobhan in a weeks time, when they all left for Japan. The producer smiled at him finally.
      “Now, that’s the Mark I’d heard so much about! Okay, Christian, could we finish off your vocals and the guitar bits? Mark, Paul, you can go to lunch”
      Paul smiled happily, and waited for Mark, who was trying to procrastinate and shake off the voice as it tried to take over again. It wasn’t working too well, and Mark admitted defeat after about ten minutes, to worn out to continue fighting.
      “Are you okay man? You look, I don’t know, kind of constipated”
      “Sorry, I got a lot on my mind” The voice answered. Mark knew that the real him was the ‘lot’ on the voices mind. How unfair! It seemed really stroppy about something. Maybe Mark shouldn’t have remembered Siobhan so much, but he couldn’t help it, he was in love.
      “Anything you want to talk about?” Paul asked, concern flowing out of him.
      “Nah, you probably couldn’t help, it’s one of those things”
      Paul nodded understandingly, and rubbed Mark’s back in an attempt to be helpful and relax him. Mark found himself pulling Paul into the men’s toilets, and into a cubicle.
      “Ooh, classy, really classy Mark!” Paul grinned. Mark grinned back.
      “Um, Paul, do you have your mobile on you?”
      “You know I do, we always have to”
      “Is it on?”
      “No, it’s been off since we got in the studio . . . why?”
      “Just don’t want any distractions” Mark smiled, and pulled Paul’s little body closer. Mark was screaming inside his head. Paul was so small he almost mistook him for Siobhan. The voice seemed to find them similar too, the way it was now kissing Paul. Paul, the sado masochist that he is, was really enjoying the roughness of Marks touch. It was almost as though the voice knew exactly what Ben and Paul wanted from a kiss. He wondered what Christian’s was going to be like. And when it was going to be. Tomorrow? That’s how fast this thing was moving, it couldn’t have been that long since he was doing this sort of thing with Ben, and look at the mess that that had caused. Paul was starting to get right into the kissing, and slipped his hands into Mark’s boxers. The voice pulled away. At first the real Mark was a little disappointed. Despite the cheating he had enjoyed it, but then he realised what was happening and felt ashamed. He was trying to work out the voice though, and it seemed Paul was too.
      “Mark, are you alright? I thought it was what you wanted? Is this too soon? It hasn’t been that long since Ben and Siobhan”
      “I’m fine, but I just don’t want to go too far too soon, I want to enjoy my time with you” The voice replied. Mark knew it was lying. It wanted all the power in all the relationships. Paul making an earlier move gave him all the power, so stopping anything else happening gave the voice, and Mark, all the power back. Mark was desperate to tell Paul the truth, let him get out of his tangle while he could, but Paul seemed way too happy with all the attention to care about the consequences. They walked back to the canteen closely, Paul seemingly fighting the urge to wrap his arms around Mark, and show the world they were together. The voice seemed to like the effect it was having on Paul, but Mark was devastated. This was all going to go horribly wrong, he knew it. Everyone was going to end up hurt, and he was going to end up lonely, and the voice didn’t seem to care.

      “Sorry for making you cry, for turning away as you walk on by, but baby I need to be strong and I need to move on with my life, you know it’s not that I don’t care, so don’t make me feel bad, it’s not fair, ‘coz baby you know all the reasons I made my decisions in life, now a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do and a boy has to become a man, and I’m sorry for saying but it’s love that I need and that love I just can’t get from you, it’s funny how things turn around, one day I am lost, then I’m found, It happened so fast, I knew it would last, from the first time I first looked in her eyes, although it’s so soon, this I know, I’ll never be on my own, as dreams turned to tears, she buries my fears and I will Cherish this love ever more”
      Sammie looked at Ben as he faded away, both of them yet again crying.
      “Ben, what is going on with us? One moment we’re just friends and the next moment something happens to confuse it again”
      “That’s what the song’s about”
      “It’s a nice song Ben, but it’s a little too much to hear right now”
      “Please, Sammie, don’t keep blocking me out. I know I must be confusing you right now; I’m just as confused, but I know I still love you. That song was about you. I’m not sure if I want to move on without you or not, or with Mark or not. I’m not even sure Mark’s split from Siobhan yet, and if he hasn’t, then can we please forget about this whole mess?”
      “Every time you ask this, you turn around and ask for the opposite. You keep asking me to give Ben, but I don’t see you giving as much as you’re taking. What if I were to get confused about some random bloke? Would you give me half of what I’ve given you? Please, just leave me alone until you’re sure”
      Ben’s jaw dropped.
      “I don’t think I can leave you alone”
      “Why not?”
      “Because you’re part of me now. Everyone knows it. I thought I was part of you too”
      “You are Ben, you are. Every waking moment I spend I think about you, but it’s not enough sometimes, to think about you. I need you, and you’re more interested in wanting what you can’t have”
      “Please stop taking me around in circles, it feels like we’ve reached a stalemate”
      “I’m taking you around in circles? What do you think you’re doing to me Ben?”
      “I’m sorry okay? Why are we fighting like this? We never fight like this. We aren’t Mark and Siobhan”
      “No we aren’t, ‘coz they’re still together even through Mark’s lies”
      “At least that means I never lied to you!”
      “No, but cheating on me with your best friend is still high on the list of the worst things you can do to the one you love”
      Ben started laughing through his tears.
      “It sounds so wrong, my best friend, usually men cheat with the girls best friend”
      “It is wrong, and stop laughing, my feelings aren’t a joke”
      “I know that Sammie, honestly I do. Would I be trying to make amends otherwise?”
      Sammie got up and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it before Ben could follow. She burst into a fresh set of tears and sat on the toilet seat, wishing she was back home so Siobhan could give her a tub of ice cream and a cheesy film, and invite the girls in their band around to take the piss out of men. Especially men called Ben, Mark, Mackey and Rob (Mackey and Rob being the boys in the band). She leaned against the wall and began wishing for last week, when she and Ben had been happy, when Mark hadn’t messed with their lives. Oh, she could kill Mark. What the hell was he thinking?