“Well then, go on,” Ben said, encouraging Christian.

“The reason why I wrote the song was…” Christian paused and stared at three anxious faces.

Paul nodded as if to say “go on, go on, we’re all ears now”.

“…is because of a tragic incident that happened when I was 16 or 17. I have this girlfriend who was diagnosed with heart complications and the doctor told her family to, well, just prepare for the worst.”

“Hmm… she died, didn’t she?” Ben asked quietly.

Christian nodded. “But shouldn’t I go into details first before telling you that?”

“Yeah…”

“So, just keep quiet and listen to what I have to say. After all, I’m just telling you this because you want to know about it,” Christian said to Ben.

Ben immediately fell into silence and sipped his tea slowly.

“Right… where was I?” Christian paused and thought about it. “Oh yes, prepare for the worst thingy. Well, I was there as well when the doctor said that. My girlfriend at that time didn’t really have any reaction but a few days, the truth hit her when we’re in RE class together. The teacher was saying something about people having chronic diseases and those incurable sickness and cancer and things like that and how we should care for them. She just got up from her seat and left the class. I followed her and found her at campus, sitting under a tree and sobbing. My heart went to her and that’s when I realised that the truth had finally sunk into her head. She didn’t want to die. She felt like there were a million things that she hadn’t done yet.

“You see, she was from the orphanage. Her parents adopted her and her sister and she was grateful for that. If I’m not mistaken, her father’s serving a 15 years sentence in jail for abusing her as well as her sister and her mother as well – which includes sexual abuse and brutal physical abuse. There were many rumours going around in college at that time about her but she bravely stood up for those rumours, telling the others that those were nothing but rubbish. She was a great girl and that’s what I’d loved her for.

“Her foster parents cared a lot for her and her sister. Her foster father is a lawyer and her mother… well, let’s just say that she’s a housewife. Over all, they’re a very happy family. It’s nice to see that at least someone who was near her time to smile and laugh as if nothing’s gonna happen to her.”

Christian felt tears welling up. Paul could sense that “another flood” might be coming around soon for Christian.

“Despite the time that was running out on her, she went on with her life and no one knew anything about her heart complications; apart from her closest friends and family members, of course. No one knew when she’s gonna leave and everyone was hoping that it wouldn’t be too soon. But I think she knew when will be her turn to go. Nearly all the people around her, including me, are treating her as if she’s a fragile porcelain vase but she refused to have all those “luxuries”.

“It was hard for me to sit down and think of the days ahead of me without her in my life. I thought that I’ll die without her but it was obviously quite wrong. I have to thank my good friends for their encouragement as well as them being there for me to help me go through that difficult stage of life as I was coping and learning how to live without her in my life. I’d loved her too much to let her go actually.

“There was a night when she suddenly went wild. It was funny seeing her wild because she was never like that before. We’re both in her room – I was helping her with her music coursework. I could feel that a part of her wasn’t her real self and she wasn’t really listening to what I was saying at that time.

“After quite a long time, she jumped on me and complained that she was bored and she want nothing more to do with the coursework so I left the work and asked her what she wanted to do. She started kissing me and it was pretty wild and she led me to her bed.

“It was funny that way because I know that’s her first time but I didn’t know that’ll be her last as well but I have small voice telling me that she knew she’s going to die the very next second or something. She wanted a taste of bliss before she leaves us. I didn’t complained and I didn’t object either. If she wants sex, then it’s sex she’s gonna get.

“And she did. I’m not ashamed to say that I’d satisfied her well. She didn’t say anything else apart from telling me that she never wants to leave me. She wants to be with me all her life and things like that.” The tears were on the edge of escaping Christian’s eyes.

“The… n… next morning…” Christian choked on his sentence, feeling tears running down his face. He gave in to the sobs; his body racking from his inward cries.

Mark, Paul and Ben jumped up from the couch, as if something had been wretched from them. Worried, Mark and Ben placed their hands on Christian’s shoulders while Paul tried to comfort him so that he’ll stop crying. Needless to say, their efforts bore no fruits.

“Chris, please…” Paul said slowly. To him, this is not the time neither the place to cry. They haven’t really heard the whole story yet but they could tell that this girlfriend of Christian’s died the following morning.

However, to Christian, there’s nothing more he could say. They wanted to know about his past and he’d told them of his girlfriend who’d died. In fact, he’d never forgotten this girlfriend of his. To him, nothing could replace his girlfriend, except for someone with the beauty of an angel. He knew from the moment he’d met her that he’d fallen in love with an angel.

‘My angel…’ Christian thought sadly, oblivious of the voices around him. ‘Why… why did you do this to me?’

“This is hopeless,” Ben said out of his frustration. “Don’t think he’s gonna come around with his senses any time soon.”

“Ben, at least we’re still trying,” Paul snapped.

“Best leave Chris to deal with his emotions, mate. Besides, we weren’t supposed to know about his past in the first place. We kind of like… well… more like we’d forced him to tell us,” Mark reasoned wisely.

“Mark, do not feed us with any of your wise thoughts, alright?” Ben snapped. “I’ve had enough of all of those!”

“Alright, alright, wise guy,” Mark shot back.

By then, Christian was softly humming to himself… sort of. He was more like singing to himself softly and that made the other three lads stared at him strangely.

Paul nudged Mark and asked, “What song would that be?”

Mark shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno… I don’t think it’s by Bruce Springsteen though.”

“Could be Westlife’s,” Ben said after they’d listened to Christian for about a minute.

“Eh?” Paul quizzed. “Shouldn’t be. Don’t you guys listen to Westlife?”

“Yeah,” Mark said. “But this doesn’t sound like any Westlife song.”

Christian heard bits of the little conversation between Mark, Ben and Paul and knew immediately that they’d forgotten that he’s still sitting there and was supposedly crying. He knew it was the song he was singing to himself that had caused them to stop fussing over him.

‘Yes, the song was special,’ he thought. ‘Although it wasn’t an English song nor was it Norwegian.’

“Chris?” Paul asked softly whilst looking at Christian who seemed quite lost and quiet at the moment.

Christian nodded slightly, showing indication that he’d heard Paul.

“Don’t ever do that again. You had us worried for a minute there. We thought you’re thinking of… well… thinking of some unthinkable things that you’re gonna do,” Paul said, giving Christian a bear-hug that caught Christian off-guard.

“Eh?” Christian breathed over Paul’s shoulder. “What unthinkable things? If you’re talking about committing suicide, I wouldn’t do that. If I want to commit suicide, I might as well did it on the very same day Lyeana di… went away.” He couldn’t bring himself to say that Lyeana died. It might’ve happened a few years ago but the hurt was still there, in his heart and it wouldn’t let go. “Erm… Paul?” Christian called as he felt Paul’s hug getting tighter.

“Yes, Chris?”

“You can let go of me now. I think I’m gonna die.”

“Why would you think that you’re gonna die?”

“’Cause I can’t breathe, Paul!”

Paul immediately released Christian and straightened his t-shirt. “So much for trying to comfort a friend…” he muttered.

“You were very comforting, Paul, until you started squeezing me,” Christian said. “Besides, it wasn’t very comfortable when you were this close to my crotch.” Christian held up his thumb and forefinger, parting the two fingers less than one millimetre from each other. “Do you even have to sit on my lap?”

“Hate to burst your bubble, Chris, but the thing is…” Paul drew in his breath and mumbled, “I was actually sitting on your… you know…”

Ben and Mark fell into two heaps of hysterics, pounding their fists on the floor and holding their stomachs while they laughed.

“How would you know?” Christian asked him back.

“How would I not know?” Paul shot back. “We have this thing called nerves and skin and we’re able to feel anything that’s…”

“I think I’d heard enough, Paul,” Christian said as he rose from the couch, ready to leave.

“See, you’re smiling now!” Paul said indignantly.

Christian grinned at him, a sign of “thank you for bringing the smile back to my face”.

“Wait!” Ben called.

Christian stopped abruptly and turned to face Ben. “What you want?”

“The song… just now…” Ben begun haltingly.

“That song, it was a song from a Malay/English R’n’B group called “Innuendo”. The title of the song is “Belaian Jiwa”. Heard it when I was at Malaysia with my girlfriend at that time – having our vacation. We made it our song.”

“It’s… beautiful,” Mark commented quietly.

“It is.” Christian agreed.

“Do you think you can sing it again?” Ben asked.

“I supposed…” Christian took his place on the couch.

 

“Seindah …

Tiada lagi kau ku ingatkan
Sayang kau hilang
Menanti, biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini…

 

Kau tahu betapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
Oh Belaian Jiwa…

 

Oh Angin...
Sampaikan laguku padanya
Yang sedih pilu
Terimalah, laguku jadi teman hidupmu
Untuk selamanya...

 

Kau tahu betapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
Oh Belaian Jiwa…”

 

“Okay… I don’t understand the song but it’s nice…” Ben said.

“Took my ages to get familiar with the song,” Christian commented.

“Can you translate the song into English then?” Paul asked.

“Supposedly, yes.”

“Tell us then.” Mark sat down in between Paul and Ben.

“As pretty… (a/n: I’ve got no idea how to translate the first few lines… it’s hard!) There’s no more you as I remembered… your love is lost… waiting, till the end of my life in this world…

“You know how much I love you… only an angel as your replacement… Only Fate would decide… (a/n: I can’t translate the phrase “belaian jiwa”… hahaha!! I’m hopeless in this! If there’s anyone out there who could translate this better than me, please email me your version!!!).

“Oh wind… pass this song of mine to her… the one that’s sad… please, accept… this song of mine as your soul-mate… forever…”

“Is that all?” Ben asked when Christian stopped.

Christian nodded. “It’s back to the chorus after that.” He laughed nervously. “Actually, I don’t know the actually translation of the song. It’s like singing in a foreign tongue.”

“You are singing in a foreign language!” Paul pointed out.

Christian punched Paul’s shoulder playfully. Paul pouted as he rubbed his sore shoulder.

Nothing was said and the subject of Christian’s girlfriend was brought out anymore throughout the whole evening.

 

~This is crap, I know. The song in this chapter was taken from a group called “Innuendo”, a quartet that performed both English and Malay songs (mostly English songs, if I ain’t mistaken). I don’t know where they’re from… most probably is Malaysia. Hahahaa… N’wayz, hope you enjoy this chapter and if you want to know how to the song sounds like, you can go ahead and download the song… I got it from Kazaa. Take care, peeps!! Lyl xxxx~