He dragged his feet when he walked through the front porch of his house. He dreaded meeting his father at the moment. Many thoughts were running through his head when he took out his keys to unlock the doors.

“Where have you been?” he heard his mother asked. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard his mother opening the front door even before he could insert the key into the slot.

“I… I… Didn’t I call last night, Mum?” he asked, trying to act innocent and crossing his fingers behind his back, hoping that his father wasn’t home and he prayed that he didn’t know that he wasn’t home whole night long.

“Home now, ain’t he?” his father asked.

‘Uh-oh,’ he thought. Prayers and hopes are not working their charms this time. Closing his eyes, he prepared himself for the pain that’s about to come.

Immediately, he was raised from the ground. He could feel his father’s knuckles pressed tightly against his chest.

“I’ll repeat this once more. Where have you been last night?” his father whispered into his ear. When he refused to answer him, he felt a blow on his left cheek and the-now-familiar burning begun. He shook him violently and ranted obscenities while awaiting for the answer that he desired from his son.

Running a hand through his hair – he knew he shouldn’t do that because it’ll agitate his father more but he can’t help it – he stared into his father’s eyes.

If he tells his father where he’d been and what he’d been doing the night before, his father would beat him up. It’s a sin to have sex before marriage… virginity is the only thing that’s special for the partner that you’re to spend the rest of your life with (a/n: a friend of mine told me that… is there a hidden message behind that “advice”, Dayang?). He knew about this but he couldn’t help himself. Then again, if he didn’t tell his father, he would still get beaten up. There’s no point listening to him lecturing and then getting the pain as well. It’s better to stick with the pain than to get both the pain and the nagging and lectures.

He doubled over when he got another punch from his father, curling into a ball as his father released his grip on his collar. Somehow, he hoped that by curling himself into a ball, he’d be able to block out all the pain and protect himself somehow. It’s bad enough when your father’s beating you up but now he’s shouting obscenities that made you feel as if you’ve got no self-esteem and pride and you’re just a random empty drinking can by the roadside.

Gritting his teeth, he tried to stop himself from crying out as he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. His father really had hit a bad spot. He winced as he tasted blood from his lower lip and he tried to wipe it off but couldn’t as his father punched him hard on the lower jaw.

He staggered backwards and dropped onto the floor, rubbing his sore jaw. His mother was nowhere to be seen. He stood up hastily as he felt anger surging through his body.

“I can’t and I won’t take this any longer!” he shouted at his father and tried to fight back but his father was much stronger than him. He gripped his son’s collar and shoved him to a wall, pinning his both his arms down and said, “Look, if you wanna stay here, then do whatever I told you to.”

With that, he left his son on the floor – bloody and bruised. He walked in the direction that he’d knew and very accustomed to now –  the bedroom – and that’s where he knew he’ll find his wife…

~~~

 

“Chris?” Paul called.

“Don’t talk to me,” Christian said. “I need to calm down.”

Paul tried to inch his way toward Christian but couldn’t.

“I said stay away,” Christian warned.

“What’s up with this, Chris?” Paul asked. “We’re all worried about you.”

“Then, don’t worry about me. I think I’m old enough to take care of myself,” Christian said icily.

“Chris, I don’t mean that and I’m sure you know full well which topic I’m on.”

“If you think that you have the rights to talk about sex to me like what your father usually did to you, then you don’t. I know what I can do and what I can’t do in sex.”

“Christian!” Paul exasperated. “One thing, my father didn’t mentioned anything about sex to me when I was young.”

“Neither did mine.”

“That’s old-fashion way, Chris. I learnt it off school…”

Christian didn’t say a word, his eyelids didn’t even twitch.

“Back to the last topic we’re on…” Paul observed if there were any reactions from Christian but there was obviously none. “As I was saying, we’re worried about you…”

“Paul, shut it. Don’t play big brother with me. My personal problems are none of your concern.”

“If any of this is going into long-terms, you’ll suffer,” Paul said.

“Do I even look like I care? Besides, don’t you think I’d suffered enough when you lot listened to that song earlier? I was in depression when I wrote it.”

“You just wrote it a few days ago!”

“No, the song took me months.”

“Months?!” Paul gasped. That’s very impossible for Christian. He’s a talented man and he usually takes only a day or two to finish a song – in rough, of course. He never took months to finish one song (a/n: although I do used up a few months for just one song). “You’re depressed a few months back and you’re still suffering from depression now.”

“Glad you came to terms with it.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Should I?”

“Why shouldn’t you?”

Christian sighed. This conversation with Paul was going nowhere, especially when Paul didn’t know about the story and the actual meaning of the song as well as the hurt that he’d been through before. “The suffering doesn’t seem to have any effects on my work.”

“Yes it does. More depressing songs,” Paul reminded him.

“Apart from that, we all still write quality songs and I don’t think I’d lose any fans yet.”

“You might soon.”

Christian shot him a dirty look. Trust Paul to be as straight to the point as usual. He’s always saying something that’s negative. If it did happened, he’ll know which other three a1 members he should throttled first.

“Paul…”

“Might as well listen to your side of story now. I know there’s something wrong when you’re a teenager.”

“Nothing happened, okay?” Christian snapped. “Nothing!”

“Aww… c’mon. I know something happened. You told us so a while ago.”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out.”

“How can I find out when we’re all staying in London now and it happened in Norway?”

“She’s British.”

“Bless her. Your girlfriend’s British?!”

Christian nodded as he shot a look at Paul.

“Chris loves British girls…” Paul teased.

“Who doesn’t?”

“Well, I dunno. Probably you’re just one of those who loves any type of girls – from German to French to Mexican to Swedish to Norwegian.”

“I do like those ‘types’ of girls.”

Paul shook his head in disbelief. “Slut.”

Christian shot him a “Say-the-word-slut-again-I’ll-personally-see-that-you-die-an-excrutiating-death” look.

“So, what happened actually when you’re with her?” Paul asked, changing the subject.

“I suggest you go get Mark and Ben here. I think I should explain and I believed I owe them an apology for shouting at them earlier.”

Christian sighed when Paul left the room and started rubbing his temples. His pounding headache is back and he’s about to tell his bandmates of his love-history that he’d been so adamantly guard. He started rubbing his eyes slowly and slightly shaking his head in despair.

“Chris?” Mark placed a hand on Christian’s shoulder.

Christian opened his eyes slowly and fixed a stare at the three guys sitting on the settee in front of him. They were all happy guys and they had no worries – even if they do have worries, those aren’t as serious as his. Why would they want to make it a burden for themselves just so they know his side of history? Why must they care?

“Chris?” Mark called again, worried that Christian might’ve changed his mind about telling them.

“I’m fine, Mark, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Sorry,” Mark said as he sunk into the leather settee opposite Christian.

“You wanted to tell us something?” Ben asked, knowing full well that the answer will be a “yes”.

Christian nodded a little. “It’s about my past…”

 

~I know, I know, it’s quite short but believe me, you’ll get a long chapter in Chapter 8… errr… not that I’d written Chapter 8 yet so I don’t know how many pages it’s gonna take. Hahahaha… *laughs nervously* Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter and Chapter 6 *ahem, ahem*. Take care, peoples and by for now!! Ta!!!~