Eternity
An eternity of waiting
waiting for the right one.
Wondering where he could be.
Looking for a dream,
the one whom I belong with.
An eternity of loneliness.
Hoping he comes along soon,
in some way, shape, or form.
Searching for my dream.
Seeing him and I together,
yet I cannot see his face.
It seems like an eternity of waiting,
but it's just an empty voice.
Something's Missing
There's something missing inside of me,
I can't figure out what it is
I need someone to help me along
someone to guide me
maybe I'm missing a special someone.
Maybe you're that somebody
Maybe I need an answer.
If you have the answer, I need to know.
I need to know,
as soon as you can.
I can't go on,
knowing I'm not all here,
it's just not right.
I need help figuring out what's missing,
tell me, I need to know,
help me find the answer
I need to know!
Confession
Today I confess my love to you,
I'll try not to shy away,
It's hard not to,
for I don't want no for an answer.
Each day I see you,
It makes me want you more.
I don't see why you don't care,
'cause I love you so much.
Everyday I think about,
'What if he says yes,'
but fearing he'll say no.
I've never felt this way before,
sometimes I cry myself to sleep,
sometimes I can't sleep at all.
It hurts to be rejected,
Why can't you see that?
What can't you give me a try?
I've got so much inside,
waiting to be opened up,
waiting to be set free,
waiting for an answer,
an answer I've wished for,
for all my life.
May 21, 1999
Nothing but a Rag Doll
I feel that if I don't let everything out,
I feel that I cannot bear the pain.
But I cannot let it out,
out of fear, out of what they might think.
I feel so alone,
so abandoned!
I can't bear another day of torture,
another day without a friend.
I can't bear it,
can't stand it anymore.
I feel that the only reason I was put on this earth
was to be someone's rag doll
abused and left alone
Left alone to wallow in her misery.
I have no one to go to when I'm down,
No one to pour out my soul to,
No one who will tell me everything will be okay,
No one who will stick beside me.
I have 'friends'
who only are mere acquaintances,
they do some of the same things that I do,
but they don't really know
who I really am!
Nor do I really know them!
I hear laughter around me
and wonder when will I be a part of this.
When will I at least find a friend?
Just one is all I ask for
It's not that much to ask is it?
I would give everything in the world
just to have someone to always talk to
But no one ever really cares about me
they say they do,
but really, I know they don't.
I don't want to live in this pain anymore,
No one loves or cares about me
I can't stand the pain!
I don't want to live in this agony anymore!
I want to leave this world!
I can't stand it, can't tolerate it,
no one cares.
So I will leave this world as it is,
for they'll be much better off without me.
This perfect pitiful world
that cares nothing about me,
These people don't need me anyway,
I am useless.....
a rag doll thrown on the street corner
left alone
without a hope
March 27, 2002, When it felt like the world was closing in on me.
Sneaking Depression
Why do I feel this way?
Why must my life be so messed up?
Why can't I find out what is wrong?
it keeps coming back....
and I can't stop it.
I feel as if I'm losing control,
like some demon has possessed me.
They want to talk,
but I can't explain what's wrong
I don't know what it is.
I can't figure it out.
Even when everything seems right and perfect.
it just sneaks back up on me
The more I try to rid myself of it
The more it keeps coming back
I'm fighting a battle that I can't seem to win.
June 20. 2002
F**ked Up Life
My life is a mess,
A big disaster,
Things never get easier.
Just harder, more complicated.
I have so many choices,
Very few are right,
So many are wrong.
All I do is ask myself,
Why should I bother?
Nobody cares anyways,
Everybody hates me,
I never hear anything good,
Everything is bad.
So in the end I wonder,
Is life really worth all the pain?
Losing Control
Everything seems so messed up
but everything seems so perfect
Who would think someone like me
couldn't help out under the pressure.
I'm in everything it seems,
I have friends,
I'm not in trouble in school,
But it keeps coming back.
It just won't stop.
I can't take it, It's keeps returning,
but why does it haunt me
like it does?
I never asked for it to happen!
Especially not today,
There was no setback to stop me,
it just hit.
I was fine and then it hit
I was a bitch and I couldn't stop it.
It keeps creeping in
and it wouldn't end.
Then I let loose for a bit
and I felt in control for awhile.
But it just started to sink
back in and I can't find a way
to keep hold of the strength
that I might have left.
I feel that I might hurt someone
might shout and say
something that I wish I hadn't.
But I don't mean to hurt,
it just happens.
Everytime the depression comes back,
it gets harder and harder to grasp back
what control I might of had.
But it seems when I start to regain my strength almost to the point of totally having control
then I slip back into oblivion
seeming to never return.
June 20, 2002
For the Class of 2002:
We were all so excited the first day of kindergarten
ready to actually learn something,
make new friends,
and just have fun!
We've grown through the years,
With many bad hairstyles,
broken hearts
and stretch pants with the stirups.
Through the times when Nickelodeon was actually good,
My Little Pony was awesome,
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the in thing,
and every girl was watching Zac, Slater, and Screech on Saved By the Bell.
We've journeyed thought the cootie stage (early schooling)
the everyone just has to have a bf/gf stage (5th and 6th grade)
liking all the seniors (8th grade)
humiliating ourselves (early high school)
and finally becoming the people we are now.
We will continue on through life bettering ourselves,
day by day, learning from our mistakes.
But will we always remember the memories we've had?
will we remember each other?
Or will our memories fade in time?
Friends
Don't lose track of friends
Keep them dear to heart
Even your enemy is worth keeping in touch with.
Your enemy could be your lifesaver...
...twenty years from now.
We say we'll keep in touch
We say we'll write often
But what we'll do won't be that
We'll write a lot for a couple of years
Until it diminishes to maybe once or twice a year.
And then, when we lose track of friends entirely,
We'll wish we had kept in better touch.
Start keeping the bond sooner
don't let it fade away.
For when it does,
you'll never know what kind of friendship you would of had.
April 2002
Wait a second...
It hit me today,
I never really thought about it a lot,
until now.
I mean,
there's a month left,
one month to savor the past four years.
The past four years of high school
and the past thirteen years of school.
We're all going to leave,
We'll all drift away from each other,
Maybe never even see each other again.
We waited so long for this day to come,
but now that's it's really there,
that it's reality,
we just want to freeze time.
We've shared so many memories,
too many to want to leave.
As each day goes by,
We think a little more about it,
and wish we had taken more time to savor the time
that we have spent together.
April 2002, a month before graduation
You're leaving...
I never thought about it before,
but I know I'll miss you when you're gone,
Sometimes you could be a pain,
but other times you're a real good friend.
Hard enough as it is,
I have to say goodbye,
Talking to you at school,
writing notes back and forth,
will all be memories in my heart.
Sometimes I wonder how boring that it will be
like when you're gone
3 states away
it doesn't seem like that much...
but that's ten hours from here!
Ten hours to see and talk to you
You've been a good friend,
I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.
Goodbye isn't forever.
I know that we'll talk on the phone.
We'll mail letters to each other
Send pictures and e-mail
And more the while,
I'll wait to hear of more good news.
Where do they go?
In memory of Ken Mieure
I wonder,
where is he now?
What part of the world is he in?
Is he now a Russian or Chinese person?
Or maybe he is up there somewhere watching.
We never know until we pass on somewhere else too.
Was he reborn?
Maybe there's a moon
one that cannot be seen at all
no matter how hard we might try.
Maybe that's where all the people who've passed
on go to. We never know until our time comes someday.
We'll never know
until our day comes
shall we urge for that day?
or should we live life to its fullest?
Whatever you believe, believe it to the maximum
don't give your belief up, for he is always watching over you.
-March 28, 2001
Saying Goodbye
Every moment spent,
Every event together,
I look back and see
all the wonderful things that he has done.
All the Thanksgivings and Christmas'
All the fun and laughter
Now they all come to a halt.
A candle that burned is now been blown out.
I see no longer the person I once saw
I see now a person who hangs by a string.
Taking every ounce of strength to speak
Though I know he has not much left
I know somehow, some way, I have to say goodbye.
But finding the words,
finding the way,
will be the hardest thing that I'll have to do.
Fear
Under certain circumstances
in a special place
in a person's mind.
A fear comes about.
A fear of what's on the other side,
once a person dies.
Is there life after death?
Is there such thing as heaven?
The answers to these
are all but the same.
You never know
until you die.
The living have a certain bond,
with only things that they need to know.
Answers may never be complete
unless
someday,
somehow....
we are given the answers.
Switzerland
A splendor of beauty,
sitting before me.
The view is unimaginable,
The hills roll along
for what seems forever.
Green and covered with sheep.
The strong odor of sheep farms forever lingers in the air.
Throught the town we go,
taking in the culture,
The people speak in an odd tongue,
In german, in which I don't know.
We pause by the edge of the street,
waiting to cross,
the cars on the road stop, so that we may cross
they think none of it,
when I wave to say thanks.
To them, it's natural to pause.
The drivers are careful,
never speeding, never in a hurry.
Leaving is the hardest thing,
for once you go to Switzerland,
there's no forgetting every sight and sound and smell.
It's just one of those unforgettable things.
May 15, 2002
~For a friend
You are special!
You shouldn't be sad
the world hasn't ended yet.
Why did God create such mean people?
Did he mean for people to be depressed?
Why would God do a thing like that?
He wouldn't do things like that to people like you.
I have to say,
I envy you.
You have the guts to go and talk to everyone.
You can sing without being afraid of messing up.
You can pretend to be mad at someone, and just be joking around,
and keep a straight face.
You are a helping hand when someone needs help.
You are a shoulder when someone needs one to cry on.
You are an ear when someone needs to vent,
You are a voice, that always seems to know the answers to everything.
You have been there for me,
and I just want you to know, I'll always be there for you,
whenever YOU need a shoulder,
I'll be there,
I'm the ear that listens to all,
and I am the voice that will help you through troubled waters.
I have been through plenty myself,
to have learned a little something of life.
You have taught me things,
and I wish to teach you some things about life:
Remember, life does go on....
Look ahead,
Don't look back and say I wish I did this,
don't keep grudges too long,
you can always count on God,
talking to the ants helps your troubles,
sitting in the woods is always relaxing,
and anytime you need someone to talk to,
call me.
~Stacy
I wrote this for a friend when she felt like shit, she knows who she is...
The Place
Waiting,
taking one step at a time.
Making every effort
Finding
a place where I belong.
Making a difference
now.
Searching
for that one place somewhere.
Understanding what has
become.
Unique
Whatever you do,
don't be like everyone else,
Find out who you are,
be who'll you'll be, Wasting away
Life
after knowing what has become
nothing.
Is threatening
looming
above you
like life taking away
from what you might think
you'll always have.
You never know
how dear things are
until they no longer exist.
Life's most precious things
are never precious
until they are no longer there.
Find your own walk of life,
Never follow another's path,
Through the tears and toils of life,
ALWAYS be unique.
July 24, 2001
The Evil Inside
A certain time
when all things are possible
will soon happen.
Once the world understands
no one is out there
to hurt them.
It's the evil inside
that makes a person do wrong.
Holding onto every breath
that a right person takes
can kill your soul.
Knowing they have been wronged.
A deserver is not known of
until they get what they deserve.
