Updates/News
October
13, 2005 8:15 PM
smells
like you know her
it always amazes me when i pass by people and they have
an amazing smell that caries with them to their destination.
i
wonder: where is this smell from? is it from their
house? a house far away? in a sububia? the kind of place where
middle class families go because they want thier children to
attend a better school district? the school district i never
went to? is it from a heavily aromatic bathroom, because they
just saturated themselves with perfume? is this the smell of
thier soap? why am i so alergic to good smelling soap?
or perhaps thier detergent?
then
i think about what i smell like: the bed i slept in
last nite. the person that was next to me. the ungodly amount
of medicine i just had to put on my skin because the sheets
irritated my back.
i think about soap. the little brown sandlewood soap i use.
i think about how i havent washed my hair this week and dont
plan to. i consider not doing laundry when i go back home on
friday. i only need the nessesities.
i think about the phone call that woke me up last night all
for an apollogy. that someone would feel the need to aplogise
and had to call just then. it makes me feel a little better,
but still it doesnt take my mind from the smells.
when then weather changes, the air moves with it. my mind is
so set on seasons. each season has its smell. its memory. its
place. such an empty hole things can become when you live in
the past but have so much invested into the future.
walls are made. walls taller than the scraps i put up four years
ago. walls i can see the other beta putting up. (i have an alfa
complex.) and somehow all this brings me back to the person
i just passed. the person that i couldnt help but admire for
thier stinky hygine.
a question: what is it that i desire? thats a good
one right? one of those thinkers. one that sets you back a notch.
end desire is what it comes down to. desire drives everything.
what is it that i want? to smell good? that cant be it. this
rant amounts to alot more than my initial intention to talk
about smelly people and how they move me.
it
is in my nature to change my mind but what i want is bigger
than something i can squirm out of. something i dont have to
fix. something thing that is equal to me and then more.
till then i sit here, listening to that song by urge overkill
on the pulp fiction soundtrack and wonder when.
September
28, 2005 11:21 AM
everyone
is a cheat, thief, and liar. some more than others.
September
14, 2005 9:08 AM
Are
things going good? presumably. what exaclty does that meen?
nothing. i want my own space like no bodies buisness.
Paranoia
can get the best of us. it has taken a few of those i loved.
i work hard so it doesnt take me.
August
24, 2005 11:47 AM
i
hate it here. i wanna cry. the boy is being too nice and there
is nothing i can do in return. i fukked my pills up and in
return fukked myself up. im an ozeing sack of shit. bla bla
bla. all i can do is whine.
i
am seeing people that take me back. i had breakfast with the
church boy. i think he will be my new friend.
roxieho
is geting to me. she needs to keep her shit to her self. i
dont know whats going on when my eyes are down.
August
14, 2005 8:07 PM
Hello!
today is a good day. i have updated this crap. school is starting
next week and i think the wood grain background suits it. (i
was once told that brown and orange colors where used to subcounciously
influence kids to study.) something does seem to be missing
tho, but i like it. i hope it looks good in other ressolutions.
like
i said im a happy lady. days like this i think about the old
lady i loathe at the bonsai group and i think of trimming trees
on top of her head while she talks and talks and talks. but
for some reason im the hair dresser and the old lady. oblivious
and with a hand full of sissors.
i
have been listening to infinatly too much coldplay. unfortunatly
because BIG TEAM couldnt get her act together i wont be able
to see thm at the ACL
Festival. but things will be ok, and can only get better,
so i dont mind.
i
have a difficult time believeing that i could mind anything
right now. i have broken ties and am in the traveling sence.
after i move out next week my mom is making plans to change
my room. so far, everything that has been proposed seems to
monochromatic. i think it will drive me insane. i need color
to dialate my thoughts (amoung other things.) i am not in a
place to argue so im putting my love of reds and greens aside,
to a more mellow space.
July
10, 2005 4:39 PM
i
am a pesimist. i cannot help that. i get bored and search
for temporary people but i get poor quality. i know the ones
who will always be around and must take comfort in the fact
that they will be here despite the weather.
i
must make an effort to stop waking up past noon. strange bed
fellows bring dreamless nights/.
May
29, 2005 8:32 PM
things
are how they always will be. i cant ask for more, and there
is little else to lack. i play my title but others dont. to
that i say thank you for the fuck you. i really needed that.
May
16, 2005 4:06 PM
let's
think. ok? no more jokes that go fast.
April
30, 2005 4:04 PM
Everything
is updated but i cant get rid of the banner. i just dont have
the skills. ...... but i can make a crack sandwich.
Also,
i have no clue what this looks like in other resolutions.
i got a new lcd monitor and she is a slim sexy lady; things
are looking crisp on my side. so TURN THAT SHIT UP.
April
24, 2005 11:12 AM
My
mission, once i complete school for this semester, is to update
the shit out of this. (and hopefully get rid of these damn banners).
March
9, 2005 3:01 PM
it
is so nice outside today.
February
28, 2005 3:55 PM
My
memory fails me and the spring weather hates me. itchy itchy
skin.
February
25, 2005 0:54 AM
Went
to see Interpol and Blonde Redhead.
It was a good show. Carlos d. is charming. numbers is always
sticky.. i could have brought in a camera (i didnt know that)
i useually miss out on those photo-rific moments, because
i dont ever think to bring one. i know my memory will fail
me in a day or two and i like at least a little nostalgia
for the road.
February
14, 2005 9:16 AM
Happy
Valentines Day
because
Hallmark said so
February
9, 2005 9:09 PM
Yahoo,
must have changed thier banner code. i have to find something
to fix it. sad face. i did change a few other things tho....
January
30, 2005 11:59 AM
i've
started to notice how time is moving. while filing out random
papers i look and see dates, and think to my self "oh 12 years
has gone by since that happend." i know, its silly to have such
a strange nastalgic view on things at this age but i cant help
this proceess. sometimes i go outside and a random breaze brings
a smell to my attention. it hits so hard that im brought to
an exact time and season where it had visited me before. i know
i cant esacpe the past or its familiar vices, but i can feel
them swell in my left lung. i have learned that i cant use such
medical miracles to cure this absess. spring will eventualy
come and things will change.
January
24, 2005 8:49 PM
this weekend i was completly convinced that i had kidney stones.
i am not usealy such a hypocondriac, but i stand firm that
my fears were just. i kept having pains in my right side.
(imagine getting shanked several times over and over for two
days... thats what it felt like). i dont know what else to
say.
January
22, 2005 1:40 PM
please
vote for my t-shirt slogan. you can find it here: http://www.omgclothing.com/profile/54405/kirby_jo
thanks.
the
first week of school was ok. i dont think i will have any
problems with the 15 hours; the schedule just sucks. oh well.
ive been waisting alot of my time here.
thats about all that's going on.
oh
yea, check this
out.
January
17, 2005 12:32 PM
So
I deleted all of the 2004 posts. I got tired of looking at them.
listening to the Killers right now. That's all.
January
13, 2005 12:30 PM
I
lost most of the "updates" when revamping the site. I found
the majority of what had done over the year saved on one of
my back up disks from when my mother board was crashing. I hope
the layout looks ok. I use a really high resolution so i have
no clue what this looks like on other computers. Any who, if
any mysterious person wonders to the site (because not many
people see this) and it looks like crapola, then please just
shout.
The 2004 posts can be found here.
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