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| 2.22.2003 - There's no place like home... except HELL |
| So, even though I have tried to include as few details as possible about myself, in order not to bore the discriminating readers of the page as well as the uncultured louts such as you, I feel this black thing inside me rejoicing and vomiting at my current malcontent with home, so I'll just let it spew all over this page. Now I know many of you will say, "Oh come on. It's not that bad. You're not being beaten or molested or forced into slavery. You're just a spoiled ass." To ye who say this: A pox on ye. All the same, you can take a number and wait for someone who cares. Example: x a z n e d x: so my parents tell me to do the dishes x a z n e d x: i say, i'll do them in 20 min x a z n e d x: since i was playing warcraft x a z n e d x: and i'll just go down after the game is done x a z n e d x: of course, mom goes ahead and does them x a z n e d x: in what i suspect to be some thinly veiled attempt at a guilt trip x a z n e d x: and of course it works on my dad, as he starts yelling x a z n e d x: while he's watching TV x a z n e d x: what damn difference would twenty minutes have made anyway x a z n e d x: why go through all this nonneccessary garbage While this may not exactly seem like hell to most, the innate stupidity of the entire situation is what places it in line for the "Place you wouldn't like to inhabit due to people that don't understand you" award. In reality, I love my family; I just don't want to live with them, since they can irritate me to no end with their nagging, scolding, and manipulative devices. And of course, home doesn't just include my house. Home includes this entire upscale pile of lukewarm feces area; all aspects of it. I hate how I have no friends here. I don't really like my church. (Is it wrong to hate a church?) I hate idiot speeding motorcycles that run into my family's car which they bought and wanted to give to me but I didn't want in the first place since it was an SUV and we all know how SUVs kill people, usually with a blunt knife in their sleep. I hate outdoor basketball courts, which seem to be the only available places, and the self-absorbed image-consumed high school punks that roam them. I hate how I have to drive twenty minutes just to get to the freeway. Most of all, I hate how I am trapped here -- slowly sucking the life-force out of my youth -- with time never to return. What a bloody waste. The below conversation tells you what I mean by the word "hate." x a z n e d x: i neeed to get out of here x a z n e d x: i hate this place DTYeh: i need friends x a z n e d x: but i'm sure i've said that before x a z n e d x: same here DTYeh: i get no human contact x a z n e d x: and when i say hate, i mean hate DTYeh: my productivity is zero DTYeh: i feel so patehtic x a z n e d x: not hate as lightly mentioning a dislike x a z n e d x: but hate as in gutteral revulsion DTYeh: people around me do so many more things than i do x a z n e d x: no flippancy here x a z n e d x: just pure unadulterated disgust DTYeh: i hate this school DTYeh: in the same exact way x a z n e d x: lol and so the two independent soliloquies merge x a z n e d x: i should post this on my webpage DTYeh: converges in 7 iterations x a z n e d x: only 5 x a z n e d x: in fact i think i will That's all folks. |
| 2.15.2003 - Achtung, baby |
| Ah, Germany. Land of the large beers, even larger nuns, and extremely large segments of intestinal lining so densely stuffed with random meat parts they almost implode due to gravitational effects, which look like extremely large bowel movements. And that's not too far a stretch (haha get it, stretch), considering that these segments of intestinal lining used to contain bowel movements. In fact, there are so many kinds of these "wursts" in Germany, that you could say Germany is the "wurst" country in the world! Ha Ha! Captain Pun strikes again! In case you were expecting something about the band called U2, you've never been more wrong in your life. This has nothing to do with them, even though "Achtung Baby" just happens to be one of their titles, and the very fact they were named after German submarines suggests that they have ties to the Deutscheland. Nothing could be further from the truth. But back to Germany. In the past, Germany has always been a world power, with land being its primary import. Its primary export during this era was tanks, but unfortunately the importing countries didn't want any, especially since inside each tank were feisty little Germans. This business model worked incredibly well, until Germany began to pursue trade relations with England. The Germans soon discovered that their tanks did not function when they drove them into the English channel. One half of Germany called the other half idiots, Germany split, and thus the Second World War was ended. From then on, the Americans nourished both Germanies until it reunited into a strong country, ready to wage war on us all once again. This time however, their primary export was efficiency and their primary import was money. This "Golden Age" of Germany lasted approximately two weeks, at the end of which Germany began its inevitable decline into the sorry state it is in today. It all started when the German Prime Minister became friends with the French. Seriously, nothing good ever comes out of the French, unless you count funny accents, rudeness, and body odor as good. The crafty French convinced Germany that the United States was getting too large, united we stand and divided we fall, blah blah blah. Thus, the European Union was formed, to compete directly with the United States on economic, military, and political issues. Of course the EU was (is) doomed to failure, since France is a part of it, and the only thing the French are good for is failing. Case in point: France, Germany, and another utterly insignificant country we know as Belgium recently opposed NATO plans to defend Turkey in case of war. Our reaction is, who cares? The only reason they take this position is because they want the world to see that they are standing up against the US, and that the US will have to compromise somewhat to gain their support because they matter. Well too bad, they don't. Today, Germany truly has become the Japan of Europe, the Flint of Michigan. Its annual economic growth comes in at ~1%, much lower than that of Japan's. Economic stagnation has Germany in its viselike grip, and German labor laws aren't helping. For example, companies in Germany can't fire their employees without incurring huge financial costs and the wrath of the uber-labor unions. This discourages hiring of new people, forcing all the young super-smart people (like me) to be unemployed (like me). Even though German products are still amazingly engineered and widespread throughout the rest of the world, such products are incredibly lacking within Germany. Their domestic consumption is near non-existent. With all these factors working against them, it's only a matter of time before Germany becomes France II. If Germany was a movie, it would be Rocky V; a boring sequel to a movie nobody wanted to see in the first place. But one sure-fire way to get their economy working is to start exporting tanks again! And what better country to start with than France? Source of serious stuff: BusinessWeek, vol. i forgot issue i forgot |
| 2.10.2003 - Cyberpsychosis |
| Ever since Al "I invented the Internet" Gore invented the Internet, new forms of cyberhumanity have been cyberevolving from the primordial cyberpool, occupying a niche in cyberspace, lounging in cyberparlors, speaking in cybertalk, engaging in cybersex, and finding new words to add the prefix "cyber" to. It is not surprising that the rise of computer-aided murders, the decline of Western civilization, and the extinction of the dodo all coincide with the newfound e-personas found all across the landfill known as the Internet. While all of these cyberspecies deserve cyberridicule and cybermockery, I will only focus on one group for today: The spawn of Satan, also known as the self-delusional cutesy "azn" girl. This breed is the single most annoying, and also perhaps the most widespread. Let us examine a sample of their "speak", so we may know how to properly deal with this infestation (assuming that your eyes don't implode after reading it). Spawn 1: HeY sWeEtAy! :O) aHAhA.. i LiKE uR xAnGa! iTs KYoOtE! :O) lOvE dA pIX yO! hEHE sTaY sWeeT aND We BE FrIEnDs TiLL thE EnD oF TiME! cALL mEeH uP oR iM mEeH aNyTiME CaUSe I aLWayZ hAvE tIME fOR mAi NAT! HEhE lUb YAhZ MUaH! Spawn 2: AwW :D hEheE jEsS.. sAmE tOo yOo.. wEnEvEr u nEEd mEE.. u gOt dA nUmbEr :] Problem 1: The constant alternating between upper and lowercase letters. For some reason, these people feel the need to randomly and spastically hit the shift button like a Parkinson's-afflicted coffee-deprived epileptic suffering from a seizure while being electrocuted. THIS IS NOT CUTE. Problem 2: The constant misspelling and elongation of simple words. "You" becomes "yoo" or at one point "yahz", "me" becomes "meeh", and "my" becomes either "mai" or "mah". These substitutions serve no purpose whatsoever. What the hell is "meeh", anyway? THIS IS NOT CUTE. Problem 3: The lack of punctuation, other than exclamation marks and ellipses. In the above example, Spawn 1 has apparently swallowed a bottle of Prozac, whereas Spawn 2's brain seems to be jammed in neutral. Far from being expressive, their lack of varied punctuation makes their entire conversation bland and emotionless. THIS IS NOT CUTE. A note to the "azngirls" who talk like this: YOU ARE NOT CUTE. No guy is going to look at your webpage, think "Wow! She types cute! She must be cute in real life!" and proceed to chat with you. Well, you'll probably get your share of pedophiles, but that's a different subject. Please stop projecting your internal feelings of self-worthlessness onto the rest of us by trying to make us think that you're "kyoote" when in real life you're just as awkward and plain as everybody else. Please grow up, accept reality, and start typing and chatting like normal people, for God's sake. This type of utter crap is clogging up the Internet and wasting useful bandwidth. It's a frightening thought that many people actually practice typing like this. Their computers should be tossed out of a second-story window, and they should follow. |