Welcome To Idiopathy

GM's odd transformation started shortly after Oldsmobile celebrated a century of production. It was announced that the century-old company would be closing for good. A short time later, GM made the even more shocking announcement that its two legendary sports cars, the Chevrolet Camaro and Pontiac Firebird would see their last model year in 2002. GM has never been the same since.

A HUGE COMPANY TRIMS SOME FAT

To understand why GM killed Oldsmobile, one needs to realize how big this company really is. GM owns Chevrolet, Oldsmobile, Buick, Pontiac, and Cadillac, just to name a few. Oldsmobile is reportedly one of their most unprofitable ventures, which would explain its demise. Despite the sales numbers, GM's Oldsmobile commercials repeatedly stated that there are millions of people who own their cars.

The mystery does not end there. Oldsmobile still had its own website when the author checked a couple of months ago. If that is not weird enough for you, consider that there still are some brand-new 2004 models available. GM certainly still wants the hundred-plus year old company dead, however. Right on the sight was this message from GM: "Have you considered other GM brands?" As odd as it sounds, GM seems to WANT one of their oldest trademarks dead. It's a mystery many people would like to have answered, but there is much doubt that GM will ever give us the answers.

A TALE OF TWO SPORTS CARS

Both the Chevrolet Camaro and the Pontiac Firebird were introduced in 1967. The year 2002 marked both cars' 35th anniversary, as well as their demise. Hundreds of thousands of fans gasped in unison at the news that their favorite sportscars would be no more. What spurred GM to what appears to be yet another senseless decision? Well, it turns out the decision is not necessarily senseless, but it isn't all that smart either.

Sales of both the Camaro and the Firebird had been slipping at a steady rate, even as sales of Ford's Mustang were soaring higher than they had in years. The reasons why have come clear since the demise of the two sportscars. When Ford redesigned the Mustang in 1995, they made the vehicle larger. This allowed it to be used more readily as a daily driver. The newer Camaros and Firebirds are most notorious for their lack of passenger room.

The Ford Mustang won the ponycar war for the simple reason that, while stylish and sporty, it was also spacious enough to make it feasible as a daily driver. This is the point where GM made its critical mistake. Instead of redesigning the Camaro and Firebird to make them more spacious, they simply decided to let them die. The only sportscars GM produces now are generally twice as expensive as the Camaros and Firebirds of the past. The Ford Mustang reigns supreme.

The good news is GM does intend to bring the Chevrolet Camaro back, but not necessarily the Pontiac Firebird. There have been rumors and promises that the all new Camaro would be available some time around 2007. It will most likely be retro-styled and based on the popular 1969 Camaro body style. The only problem is that GM seems to have a hard time marrying retro styling with modern vehicles. We will just have to wait and see what happens.

ODD HAPPENINGS IN DETROIT

A lot of other things are taking place within the ranks of GM. All of their changes are well intentioned, but most of them are less than what people have come to expect from such an automotive giant. What follows is a list of what's new, and what's not so good from GM.

Chevrolet

2005 Chevrolet Cobalt:

The first thing to notice about this car is just how much it looks like a Cavalier. Slap the front and rear of a Cavalier onto this car and chances are you would not be able to tell the difference. This could lead one to wonder if the Cobalt might be a replacement for the decades-old Cavalier. In addition, it should be noted that both the front and the rear smacks of Asian and European influence. Why can't anything be purely American anymore?

Chevrolet Malibu Maxx:

The first, and biggest mistake with this car is its name. The letter "X" has become overused in recent days, and Chevrolet compounds the problem by using two of them in its all new Malibu model. The design of the car also leaves much to be desired. Overall, the car looks like a half-finished design for a new station wagon. It also vaguely resembles the body style of mid-eighties Ford Escorts. Ouch!

2003 Chevrolet SSR:

The fact that Chevrolet lists this vehicle as strictly a 2003 model may be a good thing. For one, it suffers from the same problems the Camaro and Firebird did, namely practicality. The vehicle is strictly a two-seater. You won't be having family outings in THIS car any time soon. One should also note that it has a rudimentary truck bed. The problem is, who will want to actually use it as such? In addition to the limited cargo space, the vehicle costs a suggested $41,995. Who would want to risk scratching the paint with actual, bonefied cargo?

This vehicle also suffers greatly from retro-styling. This is a rising trend in the automotive market. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, however Chevrolet doesn't know how to do it properly. They seem incapable of marrying the looks of the past with the styles of today. As a result, the SSR comes off looking somewhat slab-sided and chunky. In a word, it's simply butt-ugly.

Chevrolet Equinox:

The "all-new" SUV suffers from a problem Pontiac has struggled with for many years now. It closely resembles all of Chevrolet's other SUVs. The front looks like the front of any other truck or SUV Chevrolet sells. Perhaps the most important point for this vehicle is the fact that Chevrolet sells five other SUVs already. SUVs may be all the rage right now, but does Chevrolet really need to offer six different varieties of them?

Pontiac

Pontiac GTO:

Fans of the "goat" have longed for many years to see the GTO return to the Pontiac lineup. If they are smart, they will turn right around and run as far away from this vehicle as they possibly can. The problems with the car have nothing to do with performance. Its reportedly agile on the road and comes packed with a 5.7 liter Gen III LS1 V-8. The problem is once again the styling, but also the price.

The first thing to notice about the new GTO is its pricetag. Pontiac's website shows the suggested price to be a whopping $32,495. This puts the GTO well beyond the reach of any young auto enthusiasts. Price is one reason imports are so popular these days. They are cheap enough for twenty-somethings to get their hands on and have fun with. Most people who buy this vehicle may well be old enough to have bought one of the original GTOs.

The design suffers from Pontiac's styling curse. Chiefly, the new GTO resembles most any other Pontiac made in the past five years. Chiefly, the main bulk of the car resembles the Pontiac Sunfire. The front end could have come from any other car in the Pontiac line-up. Perhaps the largest problem is that the vehicle does not resemble the original GTO in any way, save for the split grill in the front of the car. GM rid themselves of the retro-styling problem by not even attempting it on this car.

The GTO also suffers from a strong Asian influence. The back looks like a cross between Asian and European design. The interior smacks of "bling-bling" with two-tone red and black everything. European style shows up again in the instrument cluster, which is partially digital. It seems as if Pontiac took a little bit of everything and tried to use it all on one overpowered, underpriced sportscar.

Pontiac Aztek:

The most mysterious thing about this bulky SUV is why its been in production for as long as it has. A devastatingly large number of consumers and critics think the design sloppy, or simply butt-ugly. How does Pontiac respond? They keep producing it, of course! About the only styling changes has been a scaling back of the plastic cladding, which had been fingered as one of the more ugly parts of the SUV. Here's a clue for you, Pontiac: You've got more to worry about than plastic cladding!

Buick:

Since most of Buick's cars look so much like each other, we will not bother going into specifics. It is enough to say that all of their designs are boring, not having changed much for the past five years. Does anyone really think Harley Earl would be endeared to such a stagnant company? The Tiger Woods commercials are also worrisome. Is he the only one buying Buicks? It certainly seems that way.

There was a time in the nineties when Buick tried to be daring. The result of this poke at the norm was a newly designed Buick Skylark. The car had a stark, yet stylish point on the front, with equally angular front running lights. The cars sold like hotcakes for a time. They sold well, that is, until Buick began to move towards making the Skylark generic once more. Buick Skylarks are not being made anymore. Gee, I wonder why that is?

It is only fair to point out that Buick is taking another stab at the design of their vehicles. I see it as a case of "too little, too late." While the newest offerings from the company seem interesting, I find myself not caring. I'll start watching a Buick commercial for a moment, but soon find myself staring at something besides the television.

Cadillac:

As with Buick, the cars are similar enough to make it pointless to look at them individually. In fact, except for the Cadillac Seville, all of the cars in the line-up have nearly identical front fascias. It could be argued that the line of cars is popular enough to not need change. With the cheapest model costing $31,185, it's also a safe bet that the same handful of people who bought the Cadillacs in the past are the only ones who can afford them today.

Perhaps the oddest part of Cadillac is its selection of SUVs. To put it bluntly, all three of their SUVs look like slight variations of a single concept SUV. The only noticeable differences across the board is slight changes to the rooflines and the rear of the vehicles. If Cadillac cannot learn how to think differently, they could find themselves in Oldsmobile's shoes in the years to come.

IN THE END

The bottom line is that GM is going to do what they want, when they want and to hell with everyone's opinions. Go ahead, GM. We'll bring flowers to your funeral. It must be said that their ideas for change are sound ones. Such tactics are needed in the face of the monster that is the import market. The key to pulling it off is careful thinking and crafty execution. These are two things GM does not seem to have learned yet. Hopefully they will smarten up before it's too late.

IN THE COMING WEEKS:

The Discovery Channel has become a surprise home for automotive enthusiasts of all kinds. Shows like American Chopper and Monster Garage give viewers a smorgasbord of tinkering and customizing, whether it be a car, a motorcycle, or even a boat! Find out what the shows have to offer and why they are worth watching next month in Automotive.