ICW Presents:

Promos and Short Stories Collection

Issue #1.

Debonair Dark Warlord - "DDW and Wally Enter The No Spin Zone."

The cameras open up on a television at the studio replaying yesterday's O'Reilly Factor, on Fox News Channel. Dark Warlord and Wally begin fast forwarding to the part were they are on...

On the television...

Here it is... The No Spin Zone. Bill O'Reilly looks to his guests "Debonair" Dark Warlord and Wally the Waffle Iron.

DDW just gives a slight smirk.

Well, Bill... I would enter the tournament, but it seems I don't have access to a good partner. I mean, Wally isn't a registered wrestler in the ICW and he's the best tag team partner I've ever had. The people in ICW are a bunch of idiots. They're puppets. Clash is controlling them. I mean, did you hear the new rule? Clash says it is recommended that wrestlers shake each others' hands before and after a match... But what do I do when I knock someone unconscious with Wally? Give them a low five? Slit their wrists? Screw this sportsmenship bit. Clash is just a puppetmaster. Speaking of puppets, or shouold I say muppets, I see some of your friends are over there!

DDW points across the TV set to where rappers Snoop Dogg and Ludacris stand.

Boy, you better not cut me the fu-

Ludacris is immediately cut off. He hands the microphone over to Snoop.

Look here. I am sick of this man, for rizzle. You got me booted from the Muppet speshizzle. And I ain't putting up with your racist attitude no more, bitch. You and me, we gonna fight it out. A rap contest. We're gonna settle it at the Pay Per View if James Clash will allow it. We just wanna embarrass your sorry ass. Also, the contest will be replayed on Doggy Fizzle Televizzle. g from the No Spin zone.

DDW and O'Reilly continuing talking as the show's credits come on.

Back in the room.

Wally, we looked good on TV didn't we? Yes we did... And now we need to help Bill rap for I-Slam.

DDW picks up a notebook and a pen and begins to write lyrics as the cameras fade to black.

*NOTE* For those of you who don't speak Snoop: for rizzle = for real. AND speshizzle = special. Thank you.

X-Treme on The Larry Shitflinger Show

**The Scene opens up with X-Treme sitting on the couch in his living room. It looks like he is listening intently, suddenly we are inside his head. There are all sorts of different colors and a talk show set is built inside of X-Treme's head. Suddenly a strange announcer man begisn talking...**

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever install ment of

THE LARRY SHITFLINGER SHOW

Tonight's guests are: Former ICW Extreme Champion: X-Treme

Among other guests.

**Suddenly our favorite inner personality Larry the pussy emerges from behind a curtain. The music stops and suddenly. **

Larry: Well, welcome to my show everybody, I'm Larry Shitflinger. This show is geared towards adults. But What the heck, you knew that already. How about the biggest story in the news these days... Yup, that's right... Kobe Bryant is in court for screwing a woman in the butt. From what I understand the sex was consentual till he went down the Hershey Highway. Let's hear it for our new house band Bag of Hammers.(This really is Bag of Hammers and the Song: Hulk Hogan on Crack) Well, let's get right into the show.

**Larry the Pussy comes around the desk and takes a seat. He then sits and the lights come up on his set. **

Larry: Ladies and Gentlemen, Our first guest comes to us from just around the corner. He isn't used by Eric much but he has a few things he would like to get off his chest... Everyone give it up for John, The intelligence of X-Treme.

**John emerges from the right of the desk and walks to the seat at the right of the host.**

Larry: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit down for this interview with us John. I believe you have something that you would like to say?

John: Well Larry, thank you for having me. I would like to take this time to talk about how I could improve the life of Mr. Bruce. If Eric used me, I would be very valluable to him. I would certainly put an end to his seemingly never ending losing streak.

**Suddenly a poof of smoke appears and our favorite personality, Paul the asshole appears. He walks over to John and bitchslaps his punk ass. Then he throws him off the set and takes his spot at the end of a couch.**

Larry: Well, this is certainly... Unsuspected. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Marijuana induced personality: Paul has decided to join us. Now Paul many people have called you an asshole on repeated occasions... What do you say to these people?

Paul: Well, to those people, I say EAT A FUCKING DICK YOU DIRTY COCKSUCKER I'LL COME TO YOU'R HOUSE AND FUCK YOU UP YOU STUPID COCKSUCKER!

Larry: Well, I think Paul has just turned himself into my Co Host. Grab a microphone Paul you will be getting crowd reaction. Now Ladies and Gentlemen, our first featured guest... Steven the Retard. He is a big name in the Minnesota rap scene. Give it up for him you guys.

**A Really Crappy rap beat starts as Steven The Retard emerges from the back onto the stage left of the desk. He is accompanied by X-Treme's inner thug Tyrone.**

Tyrone: Sup, Y'all. I'm Tyrone. I'm Steven The Retard's bodyguard. Any of you people fuck with him and I'mma fuck your bitch ass up. Go Ahead Steven Start Your Brain Dead Rap.

********************BEGIN BRAIN DEAD RAP SEQUENCE*******************

Steven The Retard: HEY YOU GUYS!

**The Beat is Going**

Steven The Retard: SHUT UP JAMES STEWART! HE WAS MASTURBATING! I LIKE PIE WITH ICE CREAM! COCK AND BALLS! FRANK AND BEANS! BREAD MAKES ME POOP!

**The Beat Ends**

**********************END BRAIN DEAD RAP SEQUENCE*******************

Larry: That was off of Steven The Retards Multi Aluminum Foil Record: RAPS FOR RETARDS, BY RETARDS! It isn't available. So you can't get it. Now it is time to bring out our Guest of Honor: ICW Superstar X-Treme. After this brief Commercial Break...

I Like My Chilli Hot... In fact, I like My Chilli So God Damn Hot that you can boil a Hogs ass in a spoonfull of it. That's why Every time I go to the Grocery Store. I get me a grip of Mamma's GOD DAMN HOT CHILLI.

Larry: Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing our featured guest of the evening. ICW Heavyweight Wrestler: X-Treme.

**X-Treme emerges from the curtain at the right side of the desk and goes and takes a seat. He hands Larry a T-Shirt. It's the X-Treme Seeds of The Lotus 00 T-Shirt, available now at ICW ShopZone.(Cheap Plug)**

X-Treme: Thanks for inviting me to the show that you are putting on inside my own head Larry.

Larry: No Problem Mr. Bruce, How are you doing today. You have a couple of tag matches this week, how are you feeling about these?

X-Treme: Well, I feel pretty good, I'm in top condition, which I haven't been in for a long time. I think I may actually go against the grain and win these matches. I may start an actual WIN streak. Since last week I Broke the loosing streak.

Larry: Yes, that was great to see. It is said that you are the only major ICW superstar to beat The Legendary Luscious Larry. Is this true?

X-Treme: Hell Yes it's true. I beat him like a stiff dick. I'd still be steady beating his ass if he wouldn't have backed out of his contract and retired early. I think it should finally be said... I am the man who pushed Luscious Larry out of the ICW!

Larry: Yes, well. That's interesting. So, What do you think you will be doing after you retire from wrestling, since we are on the topic of retirement...

X-Treme: I am going to be the first ever wrestler turned Governor in the state of Minnesota.

**Suddenly a battered and beaten John walks back onto the stage...**

John: You moron, Jesse Ventura has already done that. It is imposible for you to become the first Wrestler turned Governor in Minnesota.

Larry: Paul, Can you take care of him please?

Paul: With, Pleasure.

**Paul leaps off the couch and chases John off the stage. Even long after they are both gone you can hear Paul screaming "GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH" and then you hear John's screaming...**

X-Treme: Well, since I can't do that, I think maybe after I retire from active duty I will work with ICW behind the scenes.

Larry: Now, it seems as though you have a problem with Mr. Charisma getting the coveted title shot at ICW I-Slam. Is this true?

X-Treme: Actually, yes, it is true. I think that it is completely ludicrous that he is getting a title shot just because he fucks and urinates on the bosses neice. I personally think that the I-Slam shot should go to me. Granted, I've already had two shots but I wasn't at 100% either time I got a title shot. Mentally or physically. Now that I'm in peak shape. They won't even look at me for the title shot. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. But just know this Mr. Charisma, if you win that title, I will be coming after you.

Larry: Well, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to chat with us X-Treme. Ladies and Gentlemen, be sure to catch X-Treme on ICW Primetime and ICW Worldwide. Also be sure to check us out next time. That does it for tonight's issue of The Larry Shitflinger Show. Thaks to our Sponsor's Majik Records.

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for tuning into The Larry Shitflinger Show. Make sure to catch us next time we are on. Untill then Good night.

**The Scene suddenly snaps back outside X-Treme's head and he is still sitting there with the same blank look on his face. The scene slowly fades to black**

Official Press Conference About this year's I-slam.

C & C Wrestling Factory Press Conference Just Weeks Before InternetSlam 2003

It is a calm day with a perfect breeze. In what would be a normally empty lot is a small stage set up. Banners everywhere read ICW and fans and news folk alice are gathered in front of the stage. Behind the stage is a giant backdrop that reads simply "I Slam" with some cool graphics behind it. On a closer look we can see that someone is on the stage already. Lets listen in to this ICW Press Conference.

Angrymain: AND THAT DEAR FRIENDS IS HOW I PROPOSE WE END WORLD HUNGER!

Matt Hayes: Mr. Angrymain.

Angrymain: I BEING A WRESTLER AM CONCERNED JUST LIKE I KNOW ALL THE REST OF YOU HERE AM TODAY ARE CONCERNED JUST AS I AM TOO!!!

Matt Hayes: Mr. Angrymain, please!

Angrymain: Thats AngryMAIN YOU SON OF A B!TCH!

Matt Hayes: I SAID Angrymain!

Angrymain: Can't you see I am on this stage talking about WORLD HUNGER!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?

Matt Hayes: Yes I see that but the question is why? The topic is I-Slam. And actually how did you even find out about the press conference today? I made a point not to invite you.

Angrymain: I WAS OUT FOR GROCERIES MATT! AS I WALKED INTO THE GROCERY STORE I SAW ALL THESE SINGS THAT SAY "ICW" AND I SAID HEY WAIT A MINUTE I AM THE CHAMPION OF ICW SO THEY NEED ME TO SPEAK!

Matt Hayes: This isn't a grocery store.

Angrymain: YOU'RE A DAMN LIAR!

Matt Hayes: Ok whatever you say. But listen your time is up... your time that you weren't allotted in the first place. Please put the mic down and step off of the stage.

Angrymain: AND I'M THE WORLD CHAMPION!

Matt Hayes: yes I know now please stop yelling and come off the stage.

Angrymain walks over to the podium and places the microphone back in its holder. Suddenly he raises up his trusty snow shovel and bashes it down onto the podium, microphone, and all. Sparks fly out as the podium has a huge dent in it and the mic is dead. Angrymain walks off stage not before hitting a reporter making him do a full rotation back flip. A new microphone is set up.

Matt Hayes: Right. Ladies and gentlemen C&C wrestling factory has arrived!

Suddenly "Everybody Dance Now" by C&C music factory starts to play as James Clash, Mr. Charisma, Kaydence Clash, and Scurge Runik step onto the stage to a mixed reaction.

Matt Hayes: Welcome Mr. Clash how are you doing today?

James Clash: Not so hot.

James Clash looks physically tired from his recent match. he has on dark sunglasses and leans on the podium for support.

James Clash: Pain... pain Babycakes. I didn't get much sleep last night. no matter which way I turned I was laying on something that hurt..................................

Matt Hayes: Mr. Clash?

James Clash:......................

Matt Hayes: Mr. Clash wake up!

James Clash: *snork* Huh? What? b###h.

Matt Hayes: You fell asleep leaning on the podium. Anyways we are waiting for you to announce who will be going for the Heavyweight Title in the main event at this year's I-Slam.

James Clash: I didn't pick yet?

Matt Hayes: No.

James Clash: Ahh damn... Ah Geez. Matt you're a good boy do you wanna go for it?

Matt Hayes: No thank you.

James Clash: I was joking anyway I think... what was I saying?

Matt Hayes: The main event.

James Clash: Ah yes... who gets it.

Matt Hayes: Think HARD Mr. Clash. I-Slam only happens once a year. Its the biggest match of the year! Who do you pick?

James Clash: Too much thinking... too much sound... too much... Gahhhh..... Ummmm Ok. This year at the... the...

Matt Hayes: Pay Per View.

James Clash: Yes... thank you. I am going to let someone else besides me pick the match. i don't want to do it myself because my emotions my move me one way or the other and I don't want anyone to say I am being unfair... So I will let someone else select it. Someone I know will call fair. Someone we all trust.... Kay honey... Come up here please.

Matt Hayes: What?!?

The crowd begins to boo. a good number of males in the crowd however cheer.

James Clash: Runik. take me back to the van please.

James Clash and Runik leave as Kaydence steps up to the podium. She is almost too short to see over it.

Matt Hayes: Ok Kay. Now this is the time to be fair... its I-Slam. This only Happens once a year.

Kaydence: I Know.

Matt Hayes: You'll want to select a wrestler who has been very active lately. Someone who has been tearing it up you know.... winning a lot of big matches...

Kaydence: I choose..... hmmm

Matt Hayes: It Should be a good worker! Someone who is brave and does the right thing Kaydence! It should be one of our top contenders Kaydence!!!

Kaydence: Geez I know Matt quit yelling. I'll be fair.

Matt Hayes: Ok.

Kaydence: I pick Charisma!

Matt Hayes: What in the fuzzy blue Sea-Donkey infested Hell are you thinking?!?

Kaydence: Thats my final answer!

Matt Hayes: This isn't Millionaire! You don't have life lines and final answers!

Kaydence: *giggles* Matt you're funny. I gotta go now.

Kaydence steps off of the stage and walks towards the van.

Matt Hayes: HEY! Come back here!... Pick somebody else!... please? Strix Maybe? Xtreme?.... Sudden Dea*.......... awww damn.... I'm sorry guys. I apologize to everyone who bothered coming out today for*

Charisma: Matt shut the hell up dude.

Matt Hayes: Can we shut his mic off please?

Charisma: You do it and you're a dead man. Now listen up. I myself am ashamed to be around you. Whats wrong with you? You don't think I am a fair choice? Go to hell. Over a year ago in ICW who was here? me. When JCP left who stayed? Me. When Rik left who stayed? Me. When Tommy and Simon left ya WHO was still around? Me. When Bison left who was still here? Me. then temp dropped the ball who rebounded? Me. I am the constant in ICW not the variable you nimrods. This is simply Karma paying me back. And who deserves this more than me? No one. not Xtreme or Strix or... hey wait. Didn't little kay pin Strix? And thats the man you think maybe should have went for the title shot? You are out of options. Who else Lee Stone? Well if you want the ratings to drop again be my guest. Who else Johnny Epic? Johnny Epic is a gay man too concerned with other men to ever hold the world title. Sabbath? Please, I gave it to him once as a goof... but the joke is only funny once... Now Hektik... hektik has the title and I must go get it cause simply I'm sick of looking at clowns. 1998 called they want their fad back damn you. F#ck a clown. F#ck some Faygo and a damn Juggalo and all of that nonsense. F#ck that. If you think it was f#cked up when Eminem f#cked them up and chased them around like scared little b###hes wait til you see what I'm gonna do. Sick of hatchets and juggalos and clown make up and f#cking forks and baggy clothes and damn lotus and f#ckin losing stable and Xtreme tapping out to f#cking collar and elbow tie-ups and Firestorm running away when he touched the belt and damn Sabbath with a Faygo root beer gun and damn Ninja and f#ckin Truck Stop Drop and DAMN IT I AM SICK OF TIRED ASS JUGGALOS. You guys are a family. Well I'm "Down wit dat ninja" Yall "motha fackos" can be a family out of my f#ckin site because Decent people need to move up.

Charisma pulls the mic from its holder and starts to pace around.

Charisma: We are airing clown nonsense on our TV when we could show someone like Scurge Runik. All Scurge does is go around beating people. I don't see anyone taking the US title from him huh? hell he managed to PIN ME this dude is a bad f#cker! What about Scurge? You got a guy like that who has the moves and the gimmicks and the wins and a belt and you cheer some gay ass clown? Ninja what? It makes me damn sick to go by our merchandise stand and see Juggalo Stuff and f#cking foam hatchets and big foam Faygo bottles and t-shirts out the as then off to the corner you see maybe one little Scurge Runik t-shirt. F#ck that. C&C wrestling factory here by says f#ck you guys. It looks like we have to start forcing things our way because we know whats best... Always have. Ever since I have been in ICW my intensity level hasn't changed up... Clash's ideas haven't changed up. i have always known how to beat someone's ass and if I can't well then lets just say I know ways to make sure I win anyway. Clash has always been steering the ship from the time I got on board to the time every lame ass loser that got the title jumped overboard and when I beat Mr. Clown ass don't think he wont leave too. Oh well. Goodbye. tell Bison I asked how he was and Tell Tommy he is still a b###h. Now... I got the shot at I-Slam... not you not anybody. Why? Because I have never choked when I faced the champion thats why. I have had 2 title shots in ICW and I have been champion 2 times... that says something doesn't it?

Charisma drops the mic and steps off stage and walks towards the van that the rest of C&C is in.

Welcome to ICW Featuring The C & C Wrestling Factory.

In the office of James Clash. A bright sun shiny day! Ha. Kaydence is sitting at James's desk facing a computer and james is pacing about.

James Clash: Time to write Ryu's "welcome to ICW" letter!

Kaydence: Its too late. he is in ICW already. There is no point.

James Clash: EVERYONE gets a letter!

Kaydence: But why?

James Clash:.........

Kaydence: Ok ok. I remember what to put... I think..... Levias said this guy is a grade A homosexual by the way. If Levias doesn't like him then I don't like him.

James Clash: Type.

Kaydence: Here goes....

*****************************
Dear Fag McFaggory,

Welcome to ICW. We are delighted to know you chose to work for us and you couldn't have picked a better time. At ICW we have the very best competition and very great benefits. I like ponies. It would be cool if I had a pink pony. I would get a lil cowboy hat and ride that b###h around. Rule number 1... use the restroom not our pool. And no diving in the shallow end. Rule number 2... play your entrance music quietly enough so that only you can hear it and it wont disturb members or the audience and such and so on. You can't have any merchandise deals or any interviews with Jae Change so don't even ask for any. Please buckle your seat belt low and tight across your waist and remain seated at all times while the ride is in motion. If at any time you become sick then feel free to puke on Tim Malcolm.

James Clash: Don't forget to tell him about our dental plan!

Kaydence: Yes! right.... dental plan! I'll add that in!

***** Also note Mr. McFaggory that ICW has an excellent dental plan. This should be useful to you because you have some crooked ass teeth. Your damn teeth are so crooked they look like they are trying to throw up some gang signs at me or spell out a word or something I don't know. And I know this may s'prise you but you shouldn't challenge for the world title. Mr. Charisma will have it soon and you can't have a shot because you're a freakin loser.

On the topic of being a loser: Losers like you will need to go to special Ed or "Intensity" as it is code named. Here you will be in matches no one cares about that airs on a channel no one watches. Intensity comes on the dog food channel at 3:14 am in the morning. All dog food all the time. Speaking of channells I just got these new cut off blue jean shorts that make me look so damn hot. They are so damn short they look like little blue jean panties and I wear them with a cute little baby t shirt that says princess on it. I am so hot. I look so good. You can look at me if you want to but don't ever say "Hi" to me as I believe you are a moron.

James Clash: Tell him about our titles!

Kaydence: Gotcha!

****** Dear Fag. We have some titles but you will never have any so don't worry about it. Me, Runik, or Charisma will hold them all by the end of this fiscal year so you can go to hell. By the way I have the cutest little stomach in the world. i have an inny belly button none of that outie junk. Damn it I am a hottie. Why am I forced to sit here in this office and type when I could be shopping at the mall wearing my short blue jean shorts swinging my cute lil hips as I walk huh? I'll tell you why because Loaves of bread like you decide to come to ICW and bother the hell out of everyone who is actually trying to work. I love poetry. Wanna hear me make one up? Ok here goes.

Hash likes to eat babies
I hope you get rabies
Star used to have scabies
I think now she don't

Listen to slimy shady
that rapper is crazy
I think I'll smack Hektik
Or maybe I wont.

THATS POETRY b###h! Sons o' beeshes. I am so cute....... lalalala I am so cute....... thats my i'm so cute song. It'll be on the radio soon I bet. I like to listen to the rado............ Rado...... hahaha I just did a typo and because I don't like you I'm not even backspacing.

On a final note in order to stay employes here you are required to attack Xtreme and Ol' giggle panties AND Sabbath every time you see them in the locker room. kick their ass and I will give you money. Lots of money.
****************************************************

James Clash: You done?

Kaydence: Yes.

James Clash: Good you wrote it to look like something I'd say right? Cause I'm going to sign the bottom of it like I wrote it and mail it off to him. Sounds kinda me like huh?

Kaydence: ummmmm sure.

James Clash: I should read what you wrote for typos but I don't think I will today... ah well

Kaydence: Do you ever?

James Clash: Naw

James grabs the letter and stuffs it into an envelope addressed to Ryu.

James Clash: Good I'll go mail this.

Kaydence: My opponents that my and Runik are facing are b###hes and we will win our match.

James Clash: Well that was random.

THE END SONS O' BEESHES

Kaydence Likes Three Ways.

James Clash's office in Saint Paul Minesotta. The phone... it RINGS you understand. The phone which are on his desk. Ringing at this very moment. The chair at the desk spins around to reveal Kaydence Clash... Chairs that are turned backwards rarely reveal the usual occupant when spun around. Kaydence pays little attention to the rining phone and concentrates on a wad of paper in her hand. She is folding it trying to make a swan. The art of folding paper. Oragamy? Oraigamie? Orragammi? Oragommy?....... She picks up the phone and speaks.

Kaydence: I can't make a swan!

Phone: Hello?

Kaydence: Hey.

Phone: Is Mr. Clash in?

Kaydence: No but you can talk to me.

Phone: Well ma'am Are you prepared?

Kaydence:..........

Phone: Fires happen, people wreck, people get sick... A lot of things could happen to you.

Kaydence: Sabbath is this you? You Fag. Stop making threats on my life. I am a LIL GIRL for crying out loud.

Phone: I'm not Sabba*

Kaydence: A CUTE lil girl! Plus I am the tag team cham*

Phone: I was calling about li*

Kaydence: Don't interrupt me.

Phone: Sorry.

Kaydence: I am the tag team CHAMPIONS Sabbath. I like beat you and Mr. Strix in the tournament and Mr. Runik helped me a little bit. So If I can beat you once I can do it again. I'll go all wiggy dope on ya.

Phone: Wiggy dope?

Kaydence: Continue.

Phone: I am calling about insurance. Who is to say that nothing will happen to you and*

Kaydence: I have insurance.

Phone: This is better insurance.

Kaydence: How?... Hey hang on I'm getting a beep.

*click*

Phone: Hey bitc* err umm Kay. What you up to?

Kaydence: Kip?

Kip: Yeah. That b!tch Runik left me home alone and I am scared like a motherf#cker will you talk to me for a while?

Kaydence: Sure.

Runik: Kip who are you talking to?

Kip: SHHHHH!!!!! Go Away bastard!

Kaydence: Who was that?

Kip: Uhhh nobody I had the TV up extra loud and all that.

Kaydence: Hang on I've got to go get rid of some insurance guy on the other line.

*Click*

Kaydence: hey

Insurance Guy: Hey. Glad you're back so I wanted to tell you about*

Kaydence: I'm sorry I just remembered I don't speak any english.

Insurance Guy: ..............

Kaydence: Quand je suis libre je mange une porte and all of that.

Insurance Guy: Wait you just said in your free time you eat a door.

Kaydence: Cool err ummm Ciao!

*click*

Kaydence: Are you there?

Kip: Yeah I'm here that was scary don't go away like that. I'm just a little kid you know. You don't know what its like to be a little kid.... and to be scared.

Kaydence: I do cause I am a little kid too.

Kip: You are 16.

Kaydence: I AM A LITTLE.... kid. I have NEEDS! i need to be taken care of and I need stuff. lots of stuff.

Kip: I hear ya.

Kaydence: So how is being young going?

Kip: Aww fine. I got potty trained a few years back and its been basically up hill from there. I got motherf#ckers in my business but other than that I'm cool.

Kaydence: Potty Trained. A great experience.

Kip: Yeah so I don't piss my pants and get my rolls of money wet in each pocket and everything.

Kaydence: Thats FUN!

Kip: Yeah cash does equal fun.

Kaydence: No I meant pissing your pants is fun.

Kip:.............

Kaydence: For me it is anyway.

Kip: ...................

Kaydence: Hang on I'm getting a beep. *click* Hello?

Lee Stone: Is James there?

Kaydence: Hey LEE STONE! How ya doing? Hang on I'll get you on 3 way!

Lee Stone: no thats ok I dont want you to ge*CLICK*

Kaydence: Hey Kip hang on I'm getting Lee Stone on 3 way.

Kip: No I don't want that motherf#cker on three w*Click*

(Some rings and stuff)

Kaydence: Hey are you all here?

Kip: I'm here.

Lee Stone: What did you call me back for?

Kaydence: Hi everybody!!!

Lee Stone: Ummm hi. I was trying to call your uncle to see if he sent the order through for my t shirts at the merchandise stands.

Kip: Right right right. Thats straight. damn.

Lee: Huh?

Kaydence: It is right here on his computer. I could hit the button and send it so the shirts would be ready by the next house show.

Lee Stone: Would you please?

Kaydence: If you'll call someone on three way.

Lee Stone: Who?

Kaydence: Call Sabbath. He is retarded..... and Entertaining.

Lee Stone: Hang on *click*

Kip: So while he is gone tell me. What are you wearing?

Kaydence: Well its kinda hot in here so I just took off my*

Sabbath: What? Who is this calling me?

Kip: DAMN IT! Just took off your what?

Kaydence: My socks. Now me feet are cooling off.

Sabbath: I just took off my panties.

Lee Stone: Damn it boy I should kick your ass.

Sabbath: I'll get Charisma for murdering my friend and speeding away in his limo.

Lee Stone: Charisma doesn't HAVE a limo.

Sabbath: Oh.

Kaydence: And you don't have any friends.

Sabbath: Oh yeah thats right. But I have lots of beer!

Kaydence:...........

Sabbath: Because I am hardcore. And I am a juggalo ninja!......... And I wrote a book.

Kip: B!tch somebody told me that book you wrote was three pages long.

Kaydence: I read it one day when he brought it over for uncle james to see. it actually isn't three pages long it has a front cover, one page in the middle with a crayon picture, and a back cover....... it was an autographed copy because it had a big X on it.

Kip: .............

Kaydence: Because he can't spell....

Lee Stone: ...........

Kaydence: So he draws a big.......... X........ damn it.

Sabbath: Ohhhhhh Mila! Why do you haunt my dreams? I should get help from my uncle Shawn Michaels. not the one you're thinking of but a different shawn michaels.

Kaydence: hey call someone on three way.

Sabbath: Ok. *click*

Kip: I wonder who he is calling.

*click*

Xtreme: Hello?!? Who the f#ck is calling me?!?

Sabbath: Hi baby.

Xtreme: How the f#ck did you get my number???

Kaydence: hey Xtreme.

Xtreme: You sound like a girl!

Kaydence: I am a girl!

Xtreme: You have the voices too?!? I thought it was just me!

Kip: B!tch its a whole bunch of us up on this phone.

Xtreme: Don't call me a bitch I'll skin you alive.

Kip:.............

Sabbath: Will you date me?

Xtreme: I'll date a rock upside your f#cking head bitch. I'll jerk your f#ckin eyebrows off!

Sabbath: Ya. Whatever b!tch.

Xtreme: You f#ckin' worthless piece of garbage.

Sabbath:*Beeeeeeep*

Kaydence: Who is pushing buttons?

Sabbath: I am!

Kaydence: What for?

Sabbath: I am warning Xtreme!

Kip: That doesn't WORK on a phone!

Sabbath: Well then on to step two! I block him!

*click*

Kaydence: Did you just hang up on Xtreme?

Sabbath: Yes... I wonder how it feels to have someone hang up on you... Ya.

Lee Stone: Here why don't you find out?

Sabbath: No Wait! I love Penis in my mout*click*

Kaydence: Did you just hang up on Sabbath?

Lee Stone: Yes.

Kip: Aight.

Lee Stone: I gotta go. Got a little pot roast somethin somethin in the oven.

Kaydence: Ok i'll order your shirts now. bye.

*click*

Kaydence: So kip will you be there for my victory party when I beat Lady Lynn?

Kip: How you know you can beat that b!tch?

Kaydence: Well I beat Mr. Strix. All by myself!

Runik: I helped too!

Kip: GAH! B!tch how long you been on the phone?

Runik: For like 14 seconds. Get off I need to call someone.

Kip: I hate you for this.

Runik: Off.

Kip: Kay I'll talk to you later.

Kaydence: Bye

*click*

Behind The Paint.

*Music begins to play and a scene is shown: It says: VH2 and ICW Entertainment present:
X-Treme, Behind the Paint.**

Narrator: This is the Story of Eric Bruce, better known to fans of Wrestling as X-Treme.
Born on just days before Halloween in the year 1983 many people thought that he was
a terrible child.

**We hear a voice talking. It is the voice of none other than X-Treme himself.**

X-Treme: When I was a kid, as long as I can remember, I was the outcast. I don't remember
a time in my childhood when I wasn't completely miserable. I know that alot of people have
shitty childhoods but mine sucked balls. From as early as I can remember people just didn't
like me. I had no choice but to fight my way through these people. I remember the day I got
into my first fight like I remember the day that I lost my virginity.

Narrator: Eric got into so many fights in school that he had to get home schooled. Little
did anyone know that this exact angler led him to a career in the business of wrestling.
Without this anger he never would have been able to succeed.

X-Treme: Do I think my childhood had anything to do with me becoming a successfull
wrestler? Without a doubt. Without all the trials and tribulations I went through in middle
and highschool I never could have had the balls to try and step into the squared circle.

Narrator: When we come back we will have the story of his early career. But now a word
from our sponsors...

****Begin Ad Break****

Behind the Paint: Sponsored by and Paid for by Internet Championship Wrestling.
Don't forget to catch the next action packed episode of ICW Primetime TV coming to you
live from The ICW Arena in St. Paul Minnesota. Featuring a Non Title Bout Three Way
Mayhem match: X-Treme vs. Shawn Temp vs. The World Heavyweight Champion: Sudden
Death. Don't miss an action packed second. Make sure to tune in at 8/7 Central available
in Syndication.

****End Ad Break****

Narrator: Welcome back to Behind the Paint. At the age of 19 X-Treme dropped out of
Highschool to follow his life long dream of becoming a professional wreslter...

X-Treme: It wasn't really a question of If it was going to happen. Everyone who knew me
knew that I would go after it even if I had to go after it all by myself.

Narrator: And go after it by himself he did. When she found out that her son had dropped
out of highschool Eric's mother quickly kicked him out of her house. With no place to turn
X-Treme lived in his car while he was training under some of Minnesota's greatest
independent wrestlers. After 2 years of training he was finally ready for his first match.

X-Treme: Ahh, My first match. I remember it well. It was against "Pistol" Pedro Morales.
He was a very well known wrestler at the time. He beat the living shit out of me. It was
custom at the time or something. If I were to do that to someone now I would probably be
unemployed and blacklisted.

Narrator: Even in a crushing defeat X-Treme still looked good enough to the promoters
of Hard Core Championship Wrestling, they approached him after his first match and
offered him a developmental deal. He accepted this and flew to Arizona to work house
shows for the federation.

X-Treme: HCCW was probably one of the darkest times in my life when I look back.
I was working for a completly satanic and manipulative bitch at the time. And I was lucky
that I got as far as I did. Eventually though she got divorced from her husband and he took
over and gave me the push that everyone in the back thought I deserved. I was undefeated
in HCCW and I was the World Heavyweight Champion when the place went Belly up.

Narrator: With the only employee that he really ever had belly up what was X-Treme to do
next? Stay tuned and find out.

**** BEGIN AD BREAK ****

Proud Sponsor of this program: Psychopathic Records
"The Label that Runs Beneath the streets"

Jumpsteady: Sup Juggalos and Juggalettes, I'm here to tell you all about the newest
releases from Psychopathic Records. ICP's Newest Album: The Wraith-Shangri La is in
stores now and has been for almost a year now. Twiztid's new CD: The Green Book,
with guest spots by Insane Clown Posse, Colton Grundy, Tech N9ne, and Krayzee Bone,
is also in stores. Don't forget to pick up ABK's Hatchet Warrior when you are at the local
record shop. Now for some forthcoming things. Don't forget to pick up ESham's
Repentance in late October. The granddaddy of the Wicked Shit has done it again.
Well, that about does it for the Psychopathic Forecast. Peace out. Much Family Luv.

**** END AD BREAK ****

Narrator: And We're back. What would a man who knows only one thing in life do when
his occupation is taken away from him?

X-Treme: Well, I was a hype man for ICP. If you've ever seen their concerts they have people
dressed up in clown costumes bringing out 2 liters of Faygo for them. Well, I did that for
about 3 tours and then I asked them what it would take for me to get into their JCW fed-
eration. They asked if I was trained and I said: Yeah, and they said I was one step ahead of
most of the talent. So they gave me the shot to be with them.

Narrator: And how might you ask did he end up in ICW? Well for the answers on that we
need to talk to the man who signed him... James Clash.

James Clash: Well, At the time I was looking at re opening ICW. It had been on a hiatus
and I was looking for a solid roster. A member of my federation, I believe it was Firestorm,
was really into JCW at the time so I decided to call a few of their most promising stars.
X-Treme was happy to come if the owners of JCW would let him. So we had a big meeting in
which they more or less told me that they would fuck me up if I did him wrong.
I got his contract from them for free.

Narrator: So X-Treme went from being a clown on stage at concerts to being a full time
competitor again. He has had some of the most memorable feuds in ICW history. No one can
forget his epic feud with Justin Sane. He has had matches with the greatest in the business
and defeated them all. Most notably the great Luscious Larry and the Current World
Heavyweight Champion Sudden Death.

X-Treme: What do I think of Sudden Death being our World Heavyweight Chamion?
Well, I think that he is a completely worthless champion. He is a paper champion if
there ever was one. Look at him. He is a monster, granted, but he is also dumber
than a box of rocks. I think that before Suddden Shits can be a good champion he needs to
get a grasp on the basics of the english language.

Narrator: What's next for The man behind the paint? Only time will tell. But one thing is for
sure, if it were to end tomorrow he would be a happy man because he got what he wanted on
his terms.

**The credits to the show begin to roll as Fuck Off by Shaggy 2 Dope begins to play. The
screen the credits fade off and the ICW logo surges forth seemingly breaking through your
television set. That too slowly begins to fade away with the words:

© 2003 Eric "X-Treme" Bruce

Jack Off... Jack On. Jackson! OW!

What do all the fans of ICW come to see? Entertainment and fine wrestling. Damn right! Who provides this? The C & C Wrestling Factory! We produce the mayhem and bitterness that keeps ICW going. The C & C Wrestling Factory controls ICW for a very good reason. We are the best. We are the draws. Simple as that. Everyone in ICW, if they were smart, would stop fighting this useless battle to topple us and learn from us. Study us. Worship us. WE are wrestling!

*We begin our clip from the life of your favorite villian, in his expensive penthouse apartment. He is getting ready to go out on the town. A talk with Meso seems to be right for the cause.*

"Hey James", voiced an excited Meso.

"Hey Asian Varity Pack Babycake," replied James Clash in about the most moronic way possible.

"I was watching a certain wrestling show that I cannot name while on the clock "working" for you, and on it. Well, there was this ad. It was that guy with the three letter name. Well, he used your catchphrase." Revealed Meso.

James Clash paused for a moment. "Which one?"

"I am having a hard time telling you this. It will upset you greatly." whipersed a nervous Meso.

"Is it babycake? Did that man steal babycake? Did he pull a Rik and steal babycake?" - James Clash's heartbeat starts to go up.

"No. It wasn't the radio single one either. Not it was, I am so sorry..." - Meso tried to get it out, but failed.

"No, say it isn;t so. Say it isn;t so. MESO, say it isn't so!?" - Clash is pacing around the room, pulling his hair up.

"Yes, it is..." Meso again failed to say it.

"It was feel the sting! NOOOOOOOO!" - Screamed an irate James Clash.

*James Clash sits down on his bed and begins to cry into his hands.**

"Why? Why Meso? Why did they have to steal my favorite slogan? WHY? Why? I know it is a genius catchphrase. But WHY!? Can;t they think of something that won't cripple my vocab? Asian Variety Pack Babycake, you do not know how much I use that slogan. It is like breathing. It is part of my soul, babycake. MY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUl!" - Whined a spoiled and misfit James Clash.

"There there big Jimmy. How bout we stay here for the night and I will do my asian hooker impression?" - Meso Horny asked in a funny but somehow sexy way.

"Are you serious? You do know you ARE a real asian hooker right? - Mr. DUMBASS, James Clash.

*Meso slaps Clash on the shoulder. They both laugh it off.*

Meso changes the subject: "So I hear you are one of Levias' lumberjacks on Firday. I wonder how that will go?"

"Oh Asian Variety Pack Babycake, I got a plan. Oh, I got a plan." James Clash was somehow able to get those words out in between laughing like Dr. Evil, while high on weed. Very annoying laugh to say the least.

"Oh really? Care to let little old Meso in on it?" Asked a damn good hooker, aka Meso.

James Clash is able to stop laughing long enough to get this out: "Get this Asian Variety Pack Babycake... Feel this sting... Tune this jackrabbit in.... We will name the newest C and C member after the match. And that new member will have a great effect on the outcome.... Now back to what I was doing.BWHAHHAHAHHA HHAHAHHAHA HHAHAHHAHHAHA HHAHAHA HHAH HA........ BWHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA.."

*Stay tuned for more scenes from the life of your favorite villian, James Clash.*

And is James Clash a pimp? Or does he pay a hell of a fucking lot to a pimp to have Meso around this damn much?

*For an answer to this question and MORE stay tuned!*

Talking With The Champion.

Woman: One Hamburger, no Onions.

Angrymain: OK OK SLOW DOWN! Let me see!... One hamburger *boop*.

Angrymain is currently standing behind the counter at his day job. He is a clerk at Leo's Pizza and Burger world. Each time he pushes the buttons on the cash register it makes a *boop* sound........... Such a nice sound. He enjoys it so much he pushes it 4 more times...

*boop boop boop boop*

Angrymain: AND YOUR TOTAL IS $14.78!!!!

Woman: For one hamburger? Why did you push the button all those times I only*

*boop*

Woman: Stop that! Stop pushing the button! I only wanted one burger!

*boop boop*

Angrymain: YOUR TOTAL IS $21.55!!!

Woman: Now listen here.

*boop*

Angrymain: NO YOU LISTEN SMACKY MCJACOBS!

Woman: Smacky Mc....... Jacobs?!?

Angrymain: The more you argue the more I am gonna push the BUTTON! SO YOU'RE JUST MAKING IT HARDER ON YOURSELF!!! I'LL TEACH YOU MANNERS!

Leo: Angryman what the hell are you doing?

Leo, who owns the place, walks over to check out the situation. Now why doesn't Leo fire angrymain? Well because Angrymain's cousin's friend leases the building to Leo. OH the irony.

Angrymain: My name is AngryMAIN you son of a b!tch!!! ANGRYMAIN!!!!!......... Its french.

Leo: I'm sorry about that miss. Your total is 2.29.

Leo hands her a burger.

Woman: I wanted no onions! this thing is covered in them!

Leo: Angrymain did you take her order wrong?

Angrymain: NO!!! I KNEW THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE NO ONIONS! I KNEW IT...

Leo: Well did you key it in?

Angrymain: Key it in?

Leo: Yes on the cash register when people want special orders you have to punch the buttons so the people making it in the back will know.

Angrymain: I KNEW SHE DIDN'T WANT ONIONS AND NO ONE PUSHED A BUTTON FOR ME!

The lady walks away and Leo does as well after giving Angrymain a strange look.

Kaydence: Hey Angrymain. I want a combo.

Angrymain: Gosh. I CAN'T SEE YOU!!!!! That sounds like KAYDENCE BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE SO SHORT I CAN'T SEE YOU!!!!!!!!!! YOU MUST BE REALLY REALLY SHORT BECAUSE I CAN"T SEE YOU!!!! HAHAHAHA!

Kaydence: Maybe its because you are staring straight up at the ceiling.

Angrymain realizing his mistake slowly lowers his head back to its normal position.

Angrymain: And what do you want?

Kaydence: I want a new ass because mine hurts today. I can't even hardly sit down.

Angrymain: WHY NOT?!?

Kaydence: Personal matter. Private matter.

Angrymain: OHHHHHHHHHHH............. Maybe if you'd stop letting that guy stick stuff in it then it wouldn't hurt.

Kaydence:.........................

Angrymain: Sticking stuff in your ass!!!

Kaydence:.................... ummmm

Angrymain: That gay looking guy. DOES HE EVER WRESTLE ANYMORE?!?!?!?! The Gay looking one with the long hair that sticks it IN YOUR ASS!

Kaydence: Could you please shut the f#ck up and order my food?

Angrymain: MY AREN'T WE IN A BAD MOOD TODAY! AREN'T WE JUST PISSED OFF AND MAD!!!!!!!!!! CALM DOWN DAMN IT! CALM DOWN!!!!!!!! NO NEED TO BE MAD!!! NO NEED TO BE*

Co-Worker: Hey Angrymain sorry to interrupt you but we need some more packets of ketchup in the holder.

Angrymain:..... son of a b!tch.

Co-Worker: What?

Angrymain: YOU SON OF A B!TCH!!!

Angrymain reaches under the counter and grabs a shovel. He swings it and cracks it across the guy's skull. It makes a sickening clank/thud sound as the guy does a full rotation backflip then hits the ground.

Angrymain: YOU GET YOUR OWN DAMN CAT-SOUP!!! NEW AGED HIPPY!

Angrymain places the shovel under the counter again and turns back to Kaydence. He has a huge smile on his face.

Angrymain: What can I get for you?

Kaydence: A.... Combo...... You got it? Commmmmbooooo. Ketchup, pickles, mustard, cheese on the burger and thats it.

*boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop*

Angrymain: Your total is $456.78

Kaydence: Right. Try again.

Angrymain: Heh heh...... heh...... that was a little joke you see. Your total is really $56.34.

Kaydence:................

Angrymain: F#CK OK YOUR TOTAL IS $5.65!!! HAPPY?!? TAKE AWAY MY FUN.

Charisma: Hey. You got it yet?

Kaydence: I just ordered it.

Charisma: Dude what took you so long to order?!?

Kaydence:.............

Charisma: Well listen. Bring Leo over here.

Leo: I'm right here.

Charisma: Ok listen Leo. I want you to take my order. I want YOU to take my order.

Leo: Ok

Charisma: I want 2 burgers with ketchup, pickle, mustard, and cheese. Two medium fries. Two medium drinks.... And one Pizza by the slice to go.

*boop boop*

Leo: Got it.

Angrymain: YOU DIDN'T PUSH THE BUTTON NEARLY ENOUGH TIMES!!!!

Leo: I think I got it.

Charisma: Leo you put the TV on ICW every week don't you?

Leo: Yes the customers like to watch it.

Charisma: Good have it on this week. I'll be in a match with Sabbath where I'll kick him to sleep. Its actually a LUMBERJACK match you see but I am calling it the kick Sabbath to sleep match.

Leo: Cool.

Charisma: If it had been left up to Sabbath we would have had a flaming ladder above a pit of rapid squid where your goal is to cut off 3 of your opponents fingers, hold them above your head and scream "I am the queen of Dixie" and THEN Knock your opponent into the rabid squid tank...... that is on fire....

Leo: Damn he wanted to do that?

Charisma: Yes... but the kick you to sleep match aka the lumberjack match seems more sensible.

Angrymain: I COULD TAKE SABBATH!

Charisma: I know you could.

Angrymain: I COULD TAKE ANYBODY. YOU INCLUDED!!!

Charisma: The hell you could. You can climb across the counter right now and try if you think you can.

Kaydence: No! he has a s-h-o-v-e-l under the counter!!!

Charisma: S-h-o..... shovel?!? Oh f#ck!!! I'm sorry dude I meant you are the best. Yes you could take anybody.

Angrymain: Yeah you're backing down not only because I am the ICW Champion but because your girl just told you that I have a p-u-p-p-y under the counter.

Leo: What the hell?

*Bark Bark*

Leo: Why do you have a DOG Under the counter?!?

Angrymain: TO KEEP THE SHOVEL COMPANY! BAH HA HEE HO HAR HA HAW HAW HAW!

Charisma:.................

Leo: Ok........... Charisma your order is up. here you go.

Charisma: Ok Kaydence lets go.

Kaydence: Wait I ordered too.

Charisma: No eat from my order. Thats why I got two of everything... lets go.

Kaydence and Charisma walk out of the restaraunt as Angrymain steps back up to the counter with a tray.

Angrymain: OK KAYDENCE HERE IS YOUR ORDER!

He sets down the tray. It has 4 cups of milk on it, a rubby duckey, and a reverse burger with two meat patties on the outside and a bun in the middle.

Leo: What the hell is that?!?

Angrymain: Her order.

Leo: Why do I doubt that for some reason?

Muther####er Entertainment Presents… Hellhole and the Perfect Stable!

Enjoy people…

The scene opens on a fairly busy street in the great nation of New Zealand! (Cheers welcome). We’ll say this street is in Hamilton. Hellhole, Shane Dragon and Mr. E Opponent are all walking down the street heading towards god knows where. We know its them because Hellhole towers above everyone and therefore stands out. Coming from the other direction is none other than 16 year old, Regan Cronin. They meet in the middle. If you didn’t know it was going to happen you’d never suspect a thing. Two men collide. One standing about 7 and a half feet tall. The other is a little over 6 foot. Both men step backwards.

Hellhole: Dude!

Regan: Dude!

Both: Watch where you’re going dipshit!

The silence is inspiring. Regan stares into the eyes of a man who has to duck to get into most buildings.

Both: You better watch what you say or you’re gonna find my foot wedged between those teeth.

Both men’s mouths drop. How could it be? They think. How could somebody else say the exact same things as I say? Is this real? Was this destiny?

Both: Dude…

Both men reach out for a handshake. They shake each other’s hand.

Regan: Hey! I’m Regan Cronin.

Hellhole: Hellhole… And these are my trusty sidekicks. Mr. E Opponent…

He points to Mr. E.

Hellhole: And Shane Dragon…

He points to Shane. Regan waves.

Regan: Hey guys…

Regan goes silent.

Hellhole: Please don’t look at me like that.

Regan: Sorry it’s just that this is really scary.

Hellhole: It’s the height isnt it? It tends to scare people.

Regan: No man its not the height… It’s…

Hellhole hits Regan lightly in the arm.

Hellhole: Speak up dude.

Regan: I play this game right. It’s called e-wrestling. And this is scary because I have never met either of you before yet on this game, my three wrestlers are you guys.

Hellhole: Ok…

Hellhole, Mr. E and Shane Dragon all start stepping backwards.

Hellhole: Dude if you wanted an autograph all you had to do was ask.

Regan: Why the shit would I want an autograph of someone I’ve never seen before?

Hellhole: How the hell am I supposed to know what you crazy ####s act like?

Shane: Normally I would jump at the chance to get into a fight but this guys is frightening me.

Mr. E: Me too.

Hellhole: Me three guys. Shall we run?

Shane & Mr. E: Lets.

All three turn around and run. Leaving poor Regan standing in the middle of the street. Por Bugger. You gotta feel sorry for guys like him. Anyway, In about 5 minutes a car comes flying down the road and levels Regan. The poor bastard dies that day. And to think that his last words were “Why the shit would I want an autograph of someone I’ve never seen before?”. Ah well some people live and some people die and then there are those that are imaginary. Remember that folks for this is the moral of this tale. Just because an e-wrestler hates you, doesn’t mean you’re not cool because you are something they’re not. It’s called being real. Thank you.

Lee Stone Was A Fine Member.

Knock, knock, knock.

Lee Stone: Okay Token, they’re here. Do you mind leav…

Token Blackman: I’ll be in my room.

Lee Stone: Awesome.

Token walks to his room and Lee straightens a painting on the lounge wall before opening the door. Standing at the door is the entire C & C Wrestling Factory. James Clash, Mr. Charisma, Scurge Runik, Kaydence Clash, Meso Horny, Jamie K, Senor Money Baggs and Pimpdaddy Kip.

Lee Stone: Okay, I wasn’t expecting all of you to come here, but no problem. Come in.

They all enter and all except Jamie K find a place to sit.

Jamie K: Where’s your bathroom?

Lee Stone: Down the hallway, last room on the right.

Jamie K: Thanks.

Jamie heads down the hallway.

James Clash: I don’t know why you asked us to come here.

Lee Stone: I don’t know why you actually came. Especially after the way I acted.

James Clash: So you admit you were wrong?

Lee Stone: I admit that I probably shouldn’t have said some of the things I did but some I won’t back down on.

Kaydence Clash: Uncle James, what are you two talking about? What happened?

James Clash: Don’t worry sweetie, I think everything is settled. Isn’t it Lee?

Lee Stone: As long as you guys don’t piss me off then yes it is.

Mr. Charisma: It’s okay newbie, we forgive you.

Lee Stone: I’m not a newbie.

Scurge Runik: Yes you are.

Lee Stone: No I’m not. I’ve been in ICW longer than any of you have.

James Clash: Except me babycakes.

Lee Stone: Yeah, except James.

Mr. Charisma: We’re not talking about ICW. We’re talking about the C & C Wrestling Factory. And you’re the newb in C & C so we’re going to call you a newb. Got it newb?

Lee Stone: No. I’m not a newb.

Pimpdaddy Kip: Yes you are b###h Even I’ve been in C & C longer than your b###h ass.

Lee Stone: You’re not even a proper member.

Pimpdaddy Kip: What the ####? I’m more of a ####ing member than you, newb b###h.

Lee Stone: Shut up before I call the cops about your underage pimping business.

Pimpdaddy Kip: Damn that’s low b###h. But at least you agree that I do have a business going on here. Scurge here just thinks it’s playground fun.

Scurge Runik: You don’t have a pimping business.

Pimpdaddy Kip: #### you! Yes I do! All the hoes love Pimpdaddy.

Lee Stone: Six-year-old hoes?

Pimpdaddy Kip: Some of them are. I’ve got all sorts of ages though. They range from four-year-olds right up to sixteen.

Lee Stone: You have sixteen-year-old hoes?

Pimpdaddy Kip: #### yeah, there’s one in this room.

All heads turn to Kay. She’s sitting on Charisma’s lap, cuddling up to him.

Kaydence Clash: Uncle James, why did we have to make this long trip here? There’s nothing to do in Iowa.

Lee Stone: This is Ohio, not Iowa.

Kaydence Clash: There’s still nothing to do.

James Clash: Kay, honey, we came here to see Lee grovel for forgiveness.

Kaydence Clash: Well why hasn’t he done it yet?

James Clash: Because he’s a moron, babycakes.

Lee Stone: Hey!

Mr. Charisma: It’s true newb, you are a moron.

Lee Stone: I’m not a newb.

Scurge Runik: But you are a moron.

Lee Stone: No I’m not!

Mr. Charisma: You’re either a moron or a newb. You’ve got to be one of them. You have no choice about it.

Lee Stone: I give up.

Scurge Runik: Okay newbie moron.

Lee lets out a big sigh.

Mr. Charisma: Is newbie tired? Maybe he should go to bed earlier.

Before Lee can retaliate, Kay whines.

Kaydence Clash: I’m hungry.

James Clash: We only ate about two hours ago. Can’t you wait a little while?

Lee Stone: It’s okay James. I actually made a cake.

Pimpdaddy Kip: What the #### are you? A woman?

Scurge Runik: He’s got pizza too.

Lee Stone: How’d you know?

Scurge Runik: My nose never fails me.

Lee Stone: Er… right.

Pimpdaddy Kip: If you made the pizza too, then I’m going to #### you up b###h.

Lee Stone: No, I bought the pizzas.

Pimpdaddy Kip: Now that’s what I’m ####ing talking about.

Lee Stone: Hold on and I’ll bring the food out here.

Lee goes into the kitchen and just stops. He turns around and heads back out to the lounge.

Pimpdaddy Kip: Well where’s the food b###h?

Lee Stone: Jamie K ate it all.

Pimpdaddy Kip: That fat ####.

Lee Stone: What a waste of money.

Mr. Charisma: I thought you made the cake.

Lee Stone: I was talking about the pizzas. But now that you mention it, I did put a lot of effort into making the cake.

Jamie K saunters into the room, feeling a bit bloated. He drops down in the middle of the floor and just lies there.

Lee Stone: Token!

Token Blackman comes into the room. He passes Kip who is on the way out to go to the bathroom.

Pimpdaddy Kip: You’re the biggest black b###h that I’ve ever seen.

Token Blackman: And you’ve got the highest voice out of any midget white guy that I’ve seen.

Pimpdaddy Kip: I’m only six you ####ing stupid bastard.

Token Blackman: Well I’ll be damned. Have you been potty trained?

Pimpdaddy Kip: I’ve been trained in more ways than just that. I’ve been trained in the ways of the pimp.

Token Blackman: You’re a pimp?

Pimpdaddy Kip: #### yeah. All the ladies love Pimpdaddy Kip.

Kip rubs his nipples as he says this.

Token Blackman: You’re ####ing disgusting.

Pimpdaddy Kip: That’s not what yo mama said.

Token Blackman: How do you know she was my mom? I don’t even know my mom.

Pimpdaddy Kip: Well #### me. I think I just found your family.

Token Blackman: Whatever man.

Kip heads to the bathroom.

Token Blackman: What’d you want Lee?

Lee Stone: Can you chuck this guy outside? I would, but I hurt my back.

Token Blackman: Uh… I don’t want to touch him. He looks like he hasn’t bathed in a year.

James Clash: Just a week actually, but who’s counting?

Token Blackman: #### that.

Lee Stone: He ate your cake.

Token checks the kitchen to see if this is true, and finds no cake there. He then spots the icing smeared over Jamie K’s face.

Token Blackman: I spent ages on that cake only for some fat white boy to eat it all.

Token lifts up Jamie K and pushes the door open, he throws Jamie down the three concrete steps leading to the front door of the house.

Token Blackman: b###h.

James Clash: And on that note I think we’ll leave. We’ll see you tomorrow Lee.

Kaydence Clash: You mean we’ve got to come all the way out here to Utah again tomorrow.

Lee Stone: It’s Ohio, not Utah.

Kaydence Clash: Same thing.

James Clash: No Kay, everyone’s coming to our hotel tomorrow and we’re travelling to Knoxville in the van from there.

Kaydence Clash: Is Jamie K coming? He smells really bad.

James Clash: No, there’s only going to be six of us in the van. Levias, Scurge, Lee, you, Kip and me.

Kaydence Clash: Kip’s coming? He’s so cute.

At that moment, Kip comes back in from the bathroom.

Pimpdaddy Kip: Never fear b###hes! Pimpdaddy Kip is back.

Scurge Runik: You took your time.

Pimpdaddy Kip: That’s because every thirty seconds I had to find a way to stop myself so I could go get out into the hallway for some fresh air. That b###h Jamie K made it smell worse than his armpit.

Scurge Runik: You’ve smelt his armpit?

Pimpdaddy Kip: #### no. But I can take a guess at what it’d smell like.

Scurge shudders at the thought of smelling Jamie K’s armpit.

Lee Stone: I hoped you sprayed the air freshener in there.

Pimpdaddy Kip: #### that, I was too busy trying to survive.

Lee Stone: Ah crap.

Kaydence Clash: Are we going now Uncle James?

James Clash: Yes.

Everyone except Kay stands up.

Kaydence Clash: Carry me, I’m too tired to walk.

Charisma bends down and lifts Kay up. He cradles her in his arms and they all walk out. Lee and Token stop at the door and say goodbye.

Lee & Token: Bye.

James Clash: Bye Lee.

Mr. Charisma: See you later newb.

James Clash: Scurge, pick up Jamie.

Scurge Runik: Why me?

Kay whispers sleepily to Scurge.

Kaydence Clash: Please Scurge, I’m really, REALLY tired and I just want to go home.

Scurge Runik: Fine.

Scurge reluctantly drags Jamie to one of the two vans that the nine of them came in. He gets into the other one and they drive off.

Lee Stone: Paper, scissors, rock to decide who dares the bathroom to spray it with air freshener?

Token Blackman: Okay with me.

They play paper, scissors, rock and they both have scissors. They do it again and Lee does rock while Token does paper.

Token Blackman: Good luck.

Lee Stone: I needed to go anyway.

Token Blackman: I suggest you spray before anyway.

Lee Stone: Yeah… thanks.