Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!   ~Steve Bluestone

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.   ~Carol Leifer

I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.   ~Ed Bluestone

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.   ~Jackie Gleason

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"   ~Jay Leno

I dated this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."   ~Mike Binder

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.   ~George Gobel

Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.   ~Billiam Coronel

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