Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window! -Steve Bluestone

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. -Carol Leifer

I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people. -Ed Bluestone

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. -Jackie Gleason

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" -Jay Leno

I dated this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..." -Mike Binder

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. -George Gobel