How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

What did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall?
Dam.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

What do you get from a pamered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.

What has four legs, is big, green, furry, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

What kind of coffee did they server on the Titanic?
Sanka.

Why do gorillas have such large nostrils?
Because they have large fingers.