I didn't want to be alone anymore...


I know nothing of my past. What's in a past anyway? My present life is a handful as it is. Perhaps you'd like to hear about it? Very well. Far be it for me to keep you waiting.



Slave. That's what I've always been as far back as I can remember. I have my father to thank for it. Home to home, slaver to slaver, I never really fit in anywhere. They had a funny way of showing me how...angry that made them. Of course, after a while my body just went numb. Whips and fists of all sizes...until..I met one by the name of Maxxis. As first instinct, I called him "Master" and "M'lord", but he didn't want that from me.



It felt as if he wanted a life companion instead of a slave girl, which made me feel kind of odd at first. He gave me my own room, my own clothes, my own identity. He wanted to know my name. "Name?", I thought. I barely remembered the reference that was swaped between my first master and my father, but when I did, I told him what it was -- Katalina.



Later that day, we were talking in my room and he asked something of me. I'm not really sure why I took it so offensively. I don't even know why I felt that I could refuse a request from someone who was supposed to own me, but I did. Perhaps he gave me too much freedom, but along with offense, I also took on some pain along with it and I left the room. I left the house. I left his life, but wasn't forever.



After much wandering, much thinking, and much time on my own, we crossed paths on a cool summer night. I was on my way to town for some food. As luck would have it, he was meandering down the same path and we literally bumped into each other. I fell from this collision. He always did have immense size and strength of body, but what happened after that just showed he had the same strength of his heart. He was very happy to see me after so long, which was a greeting I hadn't expected. All I could do was smile, something else I learned from the freedom he gave me. Oh, how we talked after that. Right in the middle of the path, too.



It wasn't long after that until he was dashing me back to his home and treating me to the pleasures of warmth and of...chocolate. A sin of the finest quality. After indulging myself, he treated me to a night of sleep in his home and many, many more nights after that. Dinners, dancing, presents and tender touches awaited me on each of those nights until the time came when he introduced a new concept to me - sensual pleasures. I made sounds I didn't even know I could that first experience. Pleasures sweeter than the finest wines washed over me in endless tides until my body couldn't take anymore. The energy and pleasure he was feeding into my body was released in a few quick, intense seconds and I was left totally weak, almost to the point of faintness.



We shared that experience many times after that. In our bedroom, in the living room, on the bedroom floor. It was amazing how well he seemed to know my body. Almost like he had instructions for its every function and desire. My heart was his, my life was his, all that I am, I was...all his. Then came the day when our love would be tested.



He was a warrior at heart and it seemed to take up more of his heart than his love for me did. He received news of a village in threat of being destroyed by a murderous band of warriors. Taking up his sword, he left down the front path with his army...leaving me behind at his house. I couldn't bear that. I wouldn't let him leave me like that. I dashed down the path, dropped to my knees behind him and begged him not to leave. He refused to stay. His duties called. At that moment, I took my life and my fate into my own hands. Taking a dagger from his belt, I told him my reasons then plunged it into my chest. Death was slower than I thought, but it eventually happened.



I don't really know what happened after that, but I remember opening my eyes and seeing a white light surrounding both him and me. Next thing I knew, I was in his arms...alive..to my own disappointment. But then I realized that this could be a second chance to change his mind and so I asked, I begged again for him to stay and he said he would..but only for a little while longer. I couldn't react to that at all. No anger, no saddness..nothing. I slowly stood from his arms and headed back into the house. I didn't know when the reality of it all would hit me, but when it did, I was certain that when he returned to the house, it'd be too late to revive me then.



It only took a few seconds until he was chasing after me and finally I convinced him to come inside and we'd talk about it. I had never fought so hard for anything than I had at that moment. Strange that my fight of a lifetime was just to accompany him on his journey. Doesn't seem like much to ask, but he kept saying he was worried about my safety. I think after my show outside that he'd know it was best for my safety if he took me with him and eventually, he agreed. I left with him dressed up like an Eskimo, but he thought I was the cutest thing and I'll always love him for that.



It was snowing that day so I was bundled up under the blankets which were part of their equipment being transported in a wooden cart. I was always fond of snow - so soft, so cold, so bright. Needless to say it was making me a bit...anxious. I peeked my little head out and asked Maxxis if I could talk to him for a minute. As soon as he came in there, he was mine. I convinced him to stay a little while with me beneath the blankets. True that it didn't take much convincing on my part, but he liked the idea nonetheless. Soon, he had to leave my side once again to lead them to their camp and I took in some much needed rest. He always had that animal side of him. Whenever, wherever.



We spent weeks, even months in that camp, but Maxxis always made it feel like home for us. He made sure I was happy in every way. I even got to spend my first Christmas with him, something I never had before. I also learned that he loved seeing his Kitty Kat in the finest of lingerie. Of course, he could barely say a word, but he did let his mouth do the talking. .....But I digress. It was only a matter of time before my own insecurities threated our relationship and drove me to do something I still regret to this day.



Even though our love was strong, I felt that I'd quickly become a burden and he would find another who could treat him better and who was esentially more of a package than I was. I left one day while he was away scouting the terrain and placed a letter a lock of my hair on his bed for him to remember me by. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. Leaving him to find someone who would go along with what he said, who would respect that he has things to do and not fight to be with him all the time. Now that I look back, maybe living with me was more difficult than I thought. I traveled a lot after that. Barely sleeping, hardly eating. I seemed to running from a past that was always three steps ahead of me.



I came into a clearing after a few weeks of travel and heard something. The many inches of snow made for a soft silence so I was terrible curious. Taking shelter behind some bushes and peered through to see what it was and to my own shock, it was Maxxis..crying. I could see my lock of hair in his hand as well as that letter. I was too dumbfounded to move so I watched him for a few moments and I heard his sobs with vivid clarity. Each one tearing more of my heart. I didn't think he'd miss me so much. I wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to comfort him with my return, but there was the potential anger he might be feeling so I stood and slowly made my way into the clearing. I guess he heard the snow crunching beneath my feet or maybe the needles scratching against my clothes, they were evergreens, but he heard me and looked up. We locked a stare for a long moment before I made my way over to him and took me into his arms, holding me so tightly I thought he'd never let me go. After that, things had to be okay. Right?



We returned to the camp and not too long after that, we returned back to the house...with a little bit of fun on the way home. But you don't want to hear about that now do you? As soon as we stepped inside, he told me to get a shower and go straight into the bedroom. No passing go. No collecting $200 and though I wasn't quite understanding his logic, I did as he asked. When I finished, I stepped into the bedroom and the most beautiful silver/violet dress was on the bed for me to wear. With a smile, I slipped it on and walked downstairs to a candlelit rondezvous. He was standing there dressed in his best. I joined him in the middle of the room it was then I learned that there was more to the surprise than I had thought. Getting down on one knee, he proposed marriage. He wanted me to be his wife. Impossible. I misheard him. He couldn't possibly want someone like me to be his wife, but I didn't misunderstand him when he slipped the ring on my finger and I said what my heart had been dying to say the whole time -- "yes".



Our life after that seemed to be more wonderful than I could ever have imagined. We picked out a date and a wedding dress and everything was set...until one night. I had been up thinking over everything and how wonderful it'd be to be married. To know that a man loved me enough to give me his last name, to share his entire life with me. That I was the one he wanted by his side to share holidays and dinners and romantic evenings. All of a sudden, I was hit with a strange sensation. My head became light and disoriented. I collapsed for a moment before sitting up and I remember that all I could hear was this voice calling to me from outside. Of course there was no one outside, but it was definately out there. Against my will, my body left the bed and dressed itself to follow the voice. I haven't been home since. Home. I finally realized that I had a home with him. Somewhere I belonged and now something was dragging me away from it.



Now here I am. As alone as I've ever felt in my entire life and walking a path that leads me to wherever. No matter where it's taking me, it wasn't worth leaving him. After leaving that one time, I don't know if leaving right before the wedding is forgivable. Maybe I'm just meant to be alone. If so, fate has one hell of a sense of humor.

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