| The gay cannibalistic trailer-trash drag queen |
It was a dark and stormy night. I was home all alone. There was a 1970's horror flick on the tv, but I wasnt watching it. I was doing something more important. I was taking a bubble bath. THats when I heard tapping on the window in the next room. I tried to ignore it. But it was so loud I couldn't. I decided I'd have to check it out. I dried off and put on my Victoria's Secret nightgown. Then I put on my stilleto pumps and lacy bathrobe. Hopefully, it was my boyfriend trying to be romantic and call me from the window, I wanted to look sexy for him. I sprayed on some perfume and made my way to the window. My boyfriend was there BUT he'd been impaired by an arrow, a pink one. Cupids arrow gone astray perhaps? I laughed. I never did like the chump anyways. Besides, his brother (my new boyfriend) was watching the 1970's horror flick. I walked down the stairs seductively, my new boyfriend smiled at me and said "Bob, what took you so long up there?" "Oh, your brother is upstairs" "You weren't cheating on me, were you?" "I can't cheat on you darling, I'm cheating on HIM with YOU...well, at least I was." "What to you mean was?" "You had better see for yourself." I said, I led Kevin to the window where he saw his dead brother. He screamed and fainted. I left him there to get some paper towles and attempt to clean up John's bloody body off my porch. It would of been smart to call the cops, but, I'm a guy wearing stilleto pumps and a lacy bathrobe, so I'm not exactly really smart. I was out of paper towels. I took off my lacy bathrobe and used it to mop up some of the blood. I couldnt have my ex's blood all over my trailor now could I? Well, I could, but it'd be hard to explain my situation to the dry cleaning company. i was just about done mopping up the blood when kevin woke up. he didnt remember a thing, not even his own name. "your name is kevin, and youre a little boy from alabama: i told him. "but i like georgia better." "fine, youre from georgia happy?" "yes, very"? I drove him home. i mutilated his brother then flushed the peices down the toliet. At this point, I finally started to wonder "well gee, who killed john in the first place?" the remains were comming back up "uh-oh! its clogged!" oh well, looks like I'll be using the superamerica down the street for awhile. I made a few last attempts to shove john's remains down the toilet, but it was futile. so i put them in the oven and put it on 450 degrees. they'd fit nicely in the casserole i was making. as john's remains were baking, i started to feel lonely so i called kevin who didnt know how to use the phone, so that was a waste of a good 25 cents. I knew i never should have used that stupid 'kwikie dating service'. so, I sat down on the couch with a mocha latte and watched lifetime. that blythe danner needs an oscar, she kept me in tears. anyways, after finishing the movie, it was time to take john out of the oven. so i sat down with a trashy romance novel and ate my 'lovers casserole'. that idiot gave me indigestion! i went to go puke in the bathroom but i remembered that the toilet was clogged, so i ran to superamerica and puked in their toilet. kevin was there, and wanted to know what i was doing there in my nightgown, stilleto pumps, and bloddy evening gloves (i put them on when i was cleaning john's blood up with my favorite lacy robe), and he also wanted to know my name before he forgot again. i told him i was his hooker sister. he bought that. "well, do you want to go grab an early breakfast as dennys?" he asked. "dont mention food" i said. "okay, well," he said nervously, "gee, you look sorta masculine" he said. "I AM YOUR LOVER!!!" and I shot him with a pink arrow and passed out. THE END |