I will start with the fact that I have had 5 losses. I have had 4 miscarraiges, and Jonathon. First 3 miscarraiges in 1997, 1998, and 1999. Then Jonathon in 2000. And my 5th loss in 2002.
I was 20 years old when I found out I was pregnant. I had no idea I was pregnant hehe I thought I had the flu because I was so so tired and just icky feeling. My mom informed me she didnt think it was the flu and took me to see the family doctor. I was is shock LOL I was pregnant. David and I had been together since elementary school so there was no problem there. I was so excited.
I was so tired during my pregnancy. I still worked but not as much and I went from night shift to days. All was perfect until my 20 weeks ultrasound. That is when i found out he had a problem.
I went alone which I never did. Everyone worked that day so I had no choice. I went into the scan room and waiting forever (which I always did). The nurse finally came in to to my "Big" scan. She started measuring and all that. And was silent the whole time. They never told me anything until after the scan. I had them all on tape so I could at least show everyone later. Well she finally asked if I wanted to know the sex and I did. She said, "It is deffinately a boy". I was thrilled. I already had his name and everything. I was having my Jonathon!!!!
She looked around some more and told me she was having some trouble getting his heart beat well and would like to send in someone else. She brought 5 people back with her. It wasnt the heart beat she couldnt find it was actually his heart period!!!! (I overheard her telling them in the hall way before they entered the room)
Well 5 people later and still nothing. And they still havent told me anything at this point. Finally she just asks me to come back in the morning to do a scan with a pediatric chardiologist. I said ok, but what is going on? She never answered and left the room.....
I came back the dreadful morning and had my mom and my aunt with me. I wasnt doing this one alone. I needed some answers and now. The cardiologist came in and could barely speak english so I actually asked for a nurse to come with her to tell me what she was saying. She satarted doing the scan and took a while. She finally just blurted out something I never will forget and I understood her just fine. All she said was, "He has no heart, do you want to keep him or not?"
Yeah the word for that day was compassion I believe. I wasnt sure what she meant by that exactly. Did she mean adoption? or abortion? or what?
Either way I said yes of course I want him are you stupid? LOL I later found out she meant a partial birth abortion which is when they do it later in pregnancy and the baby is actually born alive and they kill it. Harsh I know but the truth is the truth that is what they do. She had a video of the proceedure in a pact of things she sent me home with. I almost passed out watching it.
She told me I would need to be referred to the big hospital which is a 3 1/2 hour drive away. I had to go there for the remainder of my pregnancy and that as long as he was in my womb he was ok. I had to give birth at the University to so I couldnt go into labor unless I was there.
I went there for my first visit in late July. I met my new doc and also some others. They told me all that was going on. They almost hit the floor when I told them I had no idea what was wrong with my baby. The told me he had some rare and known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. It is where the left chambers of his heart did not develope. He also has Aortic Artesia, and a large hole between his two right chambers. He would have to be delivered there and would have surgery soon after if I decided to go that way and try to help him. Some dont try since this is not to common and it is still only a 50/50 after surgery. I of course said yes and I will do what I have to to save my son.
I was later scheduled to have my labor induced on October 29 at 10 am.
I went in to be induced and was so terrified yet excited. Being a bit younger I was very nieve and thought nothing would be wrong and surely he is fine. I was start on petocin at 10 am as scheduled. I wasnt progressing well so they decided to use a new technique on me. It was a small balloon like thing that was placed inside my cervix and inflated little by little to dialate me. I tolerated labor pains and all that fine never felt anything except maybe 2 contractions that were just uncomfortable. They balloon thing was the most horrifying thing ever. It hurt so bad I vomited and screamed and couldnt breath. I would later vow never to let another thing like that near me.
To shorten the story I was induced for 28 HOURS!!!! Most induction go a bit faster than that but I guess he didnt want out yet. I had my beautiful son at 1:59 pm on October 31, 2000. Halloween my fave holiday :-) He looked so perfect and healthy. He weighed 7 lb 11 oz and was 19 inches long. A little line backer he was LOL
I had lots of family there with me to share the experience. And David was right there watching me give birth and helped me with everything. It was the most amazing experience ever.
He was scheduled to have his first of 4 surgeries at 2 days old. He did and it was touch and go for a while but he pulled through fine. He was looking ok until the 2nd night after the surgery. His blood pressure kept dropping lower. But he again looked fine a bit later. We left him that night with the best news so far. He is doing wonderful and this was his best night thus far!!!!! So we went to the Ronald McDonald house and finally rested well. We woke up early to rush over to see him. When we arrived to the NICU his doctors assistant came out and said he isnt looking good and if we have ever prayed we had better do it now. We started the calls right then to my uncle who is the pastor at our church. I was under the impression that something had suddenly happened in the night. That wasnt the case. His doctor decided to start flushing and closing his chest early without my knowledge which they werent supposed to do anything without calling me first. My son died within minutes of my seeing his docs assistant. He was taken from me on November 5, 2000, at 11:59 am. I never got to see him before, I never got to say goodbye or hold his little fat hand as he left me. I never had the chance to do anything. They told us to come back in a while to hold him if we wanted. They would dress him and all that for us.
We came back and they took us in the NICU in a glass room like we were on display for everyone coming and going to see. Other parents visiting thier children, other children in thier beds. It was cruel and I will never forget that. I had to set my pain aside to keep from scaring those other children.
We buried Jonathon David Gaige on November 7, 2000 in our family cemetary. My aunt and uncle who had lost 3 babies long ago gave up one of their personal plots for Jonathon. Family and friends helped us pay for everything. We got a loan to buy his headstone and have been very blessed. We got married the following year on July 1, 2001. (Jonathons birth weight was 7 lb 11 oz ) 7-1-01 will always be remembered.
We will never forget our precious angel in Heaven. He taught me and David what love truley means. I never would have known what that felt like if he hadnt came here. He had a job to do and he did it. He was loaned to us for a short while but his memory will never leave us. In loving memory of Jonathon David Gaige Strickland 10/31/00 to 11/05/00.