(scene 1)
(Jake and Christina are on Jake's stoop. Jake isholding Christina's hands and looking into her eyes.)
Jake: Christina, I want to tell you something...
Christina: Yes?
Jake: I want you to have this..
(Jake reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a Ring Pop wrapper. He gives it to her.)
Christina: A lollipop?
Jake: Open it.
Christina: Okay...
(Christina gives him a weird look and opens the wrapper. She takes out the content and it is a diamond ring.)
Christina: JAKE!!! IT'S A DIAMOND RING!
Jake: I know.
(Jake smiles. Christina throws her arms around him and they kiss.)
(Fade out, cut to next scene)
(scene 2)
(Henry and Jake are standing in a dark room and both are simply standing, Henry is somewhat circling Jake.)
Henry: Jake! Are you listening to me?
Jake: I know, Spike. I'm sorry. I'll get you the money soon.
Henry: You've said that before! You have said it four times to me. Every time I come to you,asking, "where is my money?", I get "I'll get the money soon!". What will it take for you to get it Biscuit?!
Jake: Gimme another chance. I promise I'll have it by..
Henry: No that's it! You're out of the gang!
Jake; What?!
Henry: I'm cutting you off, Biscuit!
Jake: Give me one more chance!
Henry: (interuppting) Satuday.
Jake: Saturday?
Henry: Ten AM sharp. Listen, Bis'. This is your last chance. You've got five days you hear me? Five days. Five days to get me my five bundred bucks. If you can't get it to me by then, I'll take the last thing you do have.
Jake: You keep your hands off her...
Henry: Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.
Jake: You son of a ...
(Jake aims for Henry, fist clenched and in the air. Henry snaps his fingers and his henchmen get a hold on Jake.)
Henry: Show him the way out boys.
(Henry laughs evilly as the boys throw Jake out of the lair.)
(Fade out)
(scene 3)
(Christina is brought into the same room that Jake and Henry were in a few moments ago. There is a table and a single light, but the rest of the room is dark. There is a chair at the table and Christina is sitting there tied up. Henry is standing up across the table from her.)
Christina: Was that Jake that I heard? Where is he?
Henry: You mean Biscuit? He went on a lil' errand for me.
Christina: Okay Henry, but who's Biscuit?
Henry: It's Spike! You should know who Biscuit is.
Christina: Im so confused!
Henry: Shut up! Jake is Biscuit. I kicked him out of our gang just a few minutes ago... Anyway there's something you need to know.
(Christina listens carefully)
Henry: "Jake" hasn't been entirely truthful to you, Babe.
Christina: I dont understand. Im so confused!
Henry: I said shut up!!
(Christina whimpers)
Henry: Would you just listen for a second?! (pauses to calm down) Now your boyfriend owes me money and he has 5 days to get it. Do you remember that diamond ring he bought with the money he had worked so hard for?
(He waits for her to answer,but she does not.)
Henry: ANSWER ME! MORON!
Christina: But...you told me to stop talking...
Henry:YOU IDIOT. No wonder you hooked up with Biscuit...you both are morons..
Christina: Who's Biscuit?
Henry: WHO DO YOU THINK?!
(Christina whimpers)
Henry: Do you remember the ring or what?
Christina: Yes...I am wearing it right now..
Henry: Well you know what "hard work" it took him to get that for you?
Christina: A lot?
Henry: That's right, Babe. He toiled. Yeah, sure, he toiled. My ass! He got the money from me, bitch!
Christina: I'm so confused!
Henry: Now he owes me, and has five days. And it all will rest on your tiny vagina and his head.
Christina: My...what?!
Henry: I swear, you are a moron...
Christina: No I'm not!
Henry: Didn't I tell you to stop talking?!
Christina: Didn't you tell me to answer you?
Henry: Is "I swear, you are a moron" a question?!
Christina: Uhm..no?
Henry: FINALLY. You said something smart.
Christina:Thank you. But I'm still so confused!
Henry: SHUT UP!
(Henry slams his hand on the table in front of Christina)
Henry: Listen, Miss Maxwell...the facts are: your boyfriend owes me five hundred bucks; he has only five days to get it back or--you know--; and I've got you to play with all I want until he comes back here with that dough.
Christina: All this over five hundred dollars?! It's not worth your friendship with Jake!
Henry: Me and Bis' were never friends! He can't keep any promises! I'm amazed that he didn't cheat on you within the first week of your little "romance"! Then again, I bet no one else is dumb enough to take him!
Christina: Stop dissing me and my man!
Henry: Make me.
(End scene)
(scene 4)
(Jake walks into a small deli store. A man is at the counter counting money. Jake begins to walk toward him.)
Jake: Hey, Mr. Whopper!
Mr.Whopper: Get out of my store.
Jake: Can I have a bagel?
(Jake reaches the counter, putting a dollar bill on the table and Mr. Whopper gives him a bagel)
Mr. Whopper: Now get out.
Jake: I have to ask you something.
Mr. Whopper: No, for the last time, I will not marry you.
Jake: No, it's not that!
Mr. Whopper: I will not have sex with you either.
Jake: Mr. Whopper, I need a job!
(Mr. Whopper appears to be thinking.)
Mr. Whopper: No.
Jake: Please?
Mr. Whopper: No. We're all filled up when it comes to jobs.
Jake: But you are the only worker here!
Mr. Whopper: Exactly. That's all we need. We need one guy, and that's what we've got. Now get out of my store!
(Jake sighs, giving up, and walks out)
(scene)
(Charlotte is sitting on her bed, sharpening a blade. There is a knock on her door. She quickly hides the blade in her bedside drawer)
Charlotte: In a second! I'm comin'!
(The knocking persists)
Charlotte: All right, already!
(She turns down the music)
Charlotte: Who is it?!
Jake: It's me!
(Charlotte goes to the door and opens it)
Charlotte: Hey, Biscuit.
Jake: I'm not Biscuit anymore.
Charlotte: Well sure you are.
Jake: Spike kicked me out of the gang, Bunny.
Charlotte: What?!
(Jake pushes past her and enters the room)
Jake: Bunny..I need to borrow some money.
Charlotte: Ugh..Jake, I know if I give you even a dime I won't get it back.
(She climbs back on her bed and eats some Pocky while Jake looks through he CDs)
Jake: But Bunny! Aren't we friends?!
Charlotte: Of course we are!
Jake: I forgot. You're on Spike's side. You're his bed buddy.
Charlotte: That's not true!
(She throws a nearby book at him and hits him.)
Jake: I need the money, Charlotte!
Charlotte: Ahh! (pretending to writhe as if being dissolved by acid)
Jake: I mean, Bunny.
Charlotte: (acts normal)
Jake: I. NEED. MONEY.
(Jake gets on the bed and starts jumping to annoy her,
but she seems reletively calm)
Jake: I need money.
Charlotte: I know. You said that.
Jake: If you don't want to give me money, you can help me get some.
Charlotte: Give? I thought you said you wanted to borrow. Is that what you think a loan means?
Jake: I know what loan means.
Charlotte: Okay.
Jake: Help me, Bunny.
Charlotte: No.
Jake: Grr. I hear that too much.
Charlotte: Does other people saying it added with all the times Christina says it make it really really annoying? Like...NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,...!
Jake: Shut up. I knew you wouldn't be of any use. Useless chocolate-eating Cutter-floozy.
Charlotte: Wow, nice come back, Jacob.
Jake: I know.
(There is a brief silence.)
Jake: See? You do nothing.
Charlotte: But if I did something, it would be so out of character.
Jake: Why did I know you would say something callous like that?!
Charlotte: It's okay. I knew it, too. Let us share the knowledge.
Jake: You realize Spike is going to rape my girlfriend, right?
Charlotte: Oh yes. Now I am super-motivated to do something.
(Jake stops jumping.)
Jake: You don't care if Christina gets raped?!
Charlotte: No, not really.
Jake: YOU BITCH!
(Jake jumps on Charlotte in anger and they wrestle and fall to the floor, knocking down her lamp. The room is now dark.)
(We next see Charlotte at her door, throwing, or rather, pushing Jake out.)
Charlotte: If you can't take care of your scrubby little girlfriend, don't come to me! You can come to me for chocolate, but you ain't comin here for money to pay Spike back for some dumb ring!
Jake: I HATE YOU!
(Charlotte closes the door and Jake finds himself at another dead end.)
Jake: And she was my richest friend, too.
(End scene.)
(scene 5)
(Christina and Henry are in a room with many others who appear to be other gang members. Christina is dressed in different clothes, more like the other gang members, and a bit awkward in the change of setting and clothing.)
Christina: Who are all these people?
Henry: Their gang members, duh.
Christina: I'm so confused. And I'm so hungry! My stomach is aching!
(Christian wordlessly passes by, giving Christina a bag of chips.)
Christina: Uhm..thank you.
Henry: That's Bones. He doesn't speak very much.
(Christian sits on a stool in the corner and stares eerily at Christina, who is seemingly frightened.)
Henry: ATTENTION!
(All the gang members look towards Christina and Henry.)
Henry: I have an announcement--
(Charlotte interuppts, running into the lair, panting. Henry looks nerved.)
Charlotte: Sorry. Lost track of time.
Henry: Do you have the blade?
(She shows him the blade she was sharpening earlier.)
Charlotte: Yes, sir.
Henry: All right, then.
(She settles into the crowd.)
Henry: I would like to announce a potential new member...some of you may recognize her as Biscuit's girlfriend.
Random Member: That's not Biscuit's girlfriend! Biscuit's girlfriend was hot!
Christina: I am too hot!
Baghead: You heard what she said? Hah! Her? Hot? Please..
Henry: AHEM. Christina will be with us now..I am sure you are all aware of my little deal with Biscuit..well, we can't call him that anymore, can we? ..As I was sayin, Bis--Jacob's girlfriend over here will be joining us.
(The gang members leer and make weird noises.)
Henry: We are going to call her Babe. Let's give her a big welcome!
(The gang members begin surrounding her and hugging her and welcoming her and giving her soda, etc. Suddenly Jake barges in with a bag in his hand, panting)
Jake: Let her go!
Henry: (turns around) Well well well... I see you've made it Jake.
Christina: Jake?
Jake: Hey baby im here.
Henry: Glad you could stop by. I see you've met our newest member.
Jake: What? No..
Christina: Hey Jake. Henry gave me a cool new name. (giggles)
Henry: It's Spike!!
Christina: Oh right.. Sorry.
Jake: Christina how could you?
Henry: She had a lot of convincing.
Jake: If you touched her...
Henry: Where's the money?
Jake: Here..(holds up the bag of loot)
(Henry signaled for one of his henchmen to take the bag and count the cash. The guy nodded back making it clear that all the money was there.)
Henry: What did you rob a bank?
Jake: What about you end of the bargain?
Henry: Well I dont know.. she's a great addition to the team.
Jake: I kept my promise. Now you keep yours.
Henry: For once you did. For once I wont.
Jake: What are you talking about?
Henry: Im changing the rules a bit. Boys... do your thing.
(they grab jake by the arms and begin dragging him away)
Jake: NO! Christina!!
Christina: Where are you going Jake?
Jake: Dont do this to me Spike!
Henry: Too late. I already did. I got my money.. your girl. What more? I could even slap her around if I want.
Jake: Christina run!! You can escape!
Christina: But the party's not over!
Jake: Christina!! Christina no.
(jake is brought outside of the lair where the police are waiting. the boys hand him over and hurry back into the lair)
