| we were down at dead man's hill smoking vines like cigarettes looking through the trashy mags trying to feel what's coming next you told me of crashing cars older brothers and late night bars i told you what i feel most and you kept it like a ghost forever don't you write it down remember this in your head don't take a picture remember this in your heart don't leave a message talk to me face to face talk to me face to face lying on the bright blue jumping mat dinner bell is ringing barking dogs and model planes and the sound of passing trains we watch for bonfires in the sky on the beach in july spin the bottle steal the kiss postcards to the one i miss forever the one i miss forever |
| don't you write it down remember this in your head don't take a picture remember this in your heart i'll leave a message when everything comes apart (talk to me face to face) [talk to me face to face] (everything comes apart) i'll leave a message when everything comes apart i remember cats on fire gasoline a burning spiral standing underneath the night fighting back with all my might empty cans and charred remains find them in the heat of day on the top of dead man's hill this is what i know of shame forever |
| ok. just one of those moments. i know i know, i haven't written in a while but i've had some stuff running through my head. i remember cats on fire.....gasoline and burning spirals......standing underneith the night sky......fighting back with all my might......empty cans and chard remains....find them in the heat of day.....i'm on the top of dead man's hill....this is what i know of shame.....forever i've had these lyrics stuck in my head for days....and the feeling even longer. yeah, you hear it and it's a song. but it's not. it's society, it's life. but how can someone look at life as so meaningless. why do people think that their life is more significant than some one or something else's. so these boys that set these cats on fire, where are they now? do they feel any regret or remorse? i've been so turned inward these past months, who am i kidding?, this past year, have i hurt anyone like that? god i hope not. and i've taken for granted the ones that i love. i expect them to be there always. i get used to this and i don't appreciate the time that i do spend with them. becasue what if it was all gone? if you had this entire life to live over again, with the same people, but you had no recoletion of the forelife, would you be different? i think i would. honestly. granted if i was still raised by my mother and father i probably would still have some of the characteristics that i do but i don't think i'd take as much crap as i do. and i take a lot less now than i did a couple of years ago. somewhere in all this, i found my selfworth. i am not crap. i might have moments of self doubt but not like then......so why do we as humans take the rolls that we do? is it chosen somehow or does it just happen? what was the motivation of setting these cats on fire? since it's boys doing it, my educated guess would be that they wanted to feel superior to another creature. fine. teach a dog to fetch your slippers so you don't have to get off your lazy ass. why fire? i have though of death and i do think of death. not a day passes when i don't. not as suicidel tendencies as it might have been the case at one time, but has a realization of life's existance. the remarkableness of air passing in and out of ones body and the thought that that could just stop suddenly. i think of it mainly while driving. i'll be going down a highway and see a stalled car on the side of the road and imagine driving straight into it. the forces involved are enormous. and in that instant when i do pass sed vehicle, it amazes me that that one instant and freedom of choice allows air to continue to pass in and out of my lungs and my hear to beat. but again why fire? in all my thoughts and imaginings, fire is by far the worst way to die. hurts the most, disfigures the most. and could take a while. drowning is peace full once you give into it. freezing isn't too bad because you basically go numb and then to sleep and then don't wake up. you get shot in the heart, sure it takes about thirty seconds to bleed out but once you've felt that pain for a few seconds, you realize that it's inevatibe. but fire..... i wish they could have but their selves in the cats' place. i bet the cats' were much like them. probably a gang of cats that grew up together just out looking for something to eat and something to do. i wish i could have swiched the boy's and cats' minds for two seconds in that horrible scene. let the boys feel what the cats' were..... audj got one of those freaky death videos once. i can't respect them. and i sit here now with tears in my eyes as i tell you what i did see. i was working on a project and wasn't watching the program but i did catch this out of the corner of my eye and i turned to watch it. a man was accused of something (considered to be punishable by death in this country). they tied one arm to the back of one vehicle and one arm to the back of another and drove in opposite directions. this man didn't commit murder. and what gave these men the right to do that. sure he did a wrong. but doing another wrong doesn't make it right. and this wans't even that long ago. that's what we've come to?...... slavery was abolished. thank god. but i know that it still goes on. and it has gone on since man walked the earth. it took us that long to agree that it is wrong to own another human being. other things still happen. matthew sheppard, God rest his soul. Scarecrow crying Waiting to die wondering why Scarecrow trying Rising above all in the name of love i think that's about all i can handle right now. go right now and tell someone you love them. that's the only answer. PEACE/ONE LOVE |