| hey. long day but not quite as long. yesterday was hard but not as hard as saturday. what does this mean? it will get better. the only hard part is waiting it out. i'm having trouble fitting back in. i've been a little quiet the past few days, thinking and all, and i guess they think i still need some more time cause they're being quiet too. so we're all quite at the same time and there is this uneasyness. it's my own damn fault for getting too comfortable. and it all changed. happend once before but audj told me not to 'predict the future'. so i didn't and i won't but.... they didn't call me on sunday to go with them. didn't call to see how i was. i don't blame them. i do, however, blame myself. my feelins, however childish, are my feelings. i wrote this e-mail to a friend today and i told her i'd copy it and paste it here. ok. i told you i was thinking too much. it's cause i've been trying to figure out what in the hell is still buggin me. i tried to think about other things so i consumed myself with my homework from today. but that only lasted for so long. so it sounds very childish, but i'm not feelin to wanted or needed....not from anyone. i feel like i'm going through the motions but not absorbing anything. i know i'm loved cause they all loved me a week or so ago and that can't cease in that short a span...but i don't konw that i'm needed. don't know how to splain it better than that. i haven't fully thought about it yet and i'm hoping something will come up that better explains it but...? so that's it. i won't verbalize cuase this is the only place i can say what i want freely. i hope i'll get some relief soon. maybe it's inside... PEACE |