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hey. short day today. this whole time change thingy has thrown me off. i'm dog tired and all but it doesn't feel like 9:45. anyway, went to work and then to the store to say hi and then i went back to school. SO didn't want to go but i did. i have this business class and i got to dress up two of the weeks and i have to do an interview with someone and have it be taped. great. the only good thing about this quarter is that i go to school friday mornings, but then i'm finished for the day. i don't have to go to work.

called andy after school. no answer. i even left a message.

so i went to the apartment. audj was sleeping. she looked tired. we had to get locks for the door cause rodney's been getting in and stuff. i felt so bad for mary. here she is taking care of everyone in that apartment and he goes and takes advantage of her. he jacked audj's watermelon stuff. it even pissed me off...but i'm not involved.

we watched 'if these walls could talk 2'. well, the last half of it. damn good movie. damn fine actors (actresses). especially this chick. unfortunatly, this is the only picture i can find of her like this. all the others i found of her involve dressed and make up and stuff like that. still looks good though.

movie kinda makes me sad. i mean, i laugh every time i see the third story. it makes me kinda gitty and stuff and...happy. but at the same time i'm sad cause i don't know that i'll ever have that. i don't know if i'll ever be all excited about something with someone like that. or what if i've already had the chance and i've messed it up.

oh, well. i haven't lost hope. i still have a chance. don't know with who or when but one day. just hopefully not too far away.

i've got a shrink appointment in two days. kinda nervous. i have a feeling that it's all gonna come out (so to speak.) that's gonna be hard cause i'm tired of talking about it. all i've done is think about it for the last...well, i guess it's been a year now. that's a long time to think about something. i'm fine with things and she's gonna want to go and talk about it. damn. not all the preperation in the world will prepare me for this one.

well, i've got laundry to do. and i kinda want to turn in early. so good night and go in peace.

i'll leave you with lyrics to the song i was gonna do last time but i couldn't find. i've had this song in my head for days now. last time it was to someone...but tonight it's to me. i'm dedicating it to myself.

PEACE OUT

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
i came along i wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
yeah it was called yellow
so then i took my time
oh what a thing to've done
and it was all yellow

you're skin
oh yeah you're skin and bones
turned in to something beautiful
and you know
you know i love you so
you know i love you so

and it's true

look how they shine for you

look how they shine for you

look how they shine for you

look how they shine for you

look how they shine for you

look how they shine...

look at the stars

look how they shine for you

and everything that you do...