| been a while. a couple days at least. so what's new?....not much. went on a road trip yesterday with the girls. we went to a little town in texas. kinda for the hell of it but more importantly to see audj's father's grave. she hadn't been since they burried him, so.......we had fun. i had been wanting to get the hell out of here and i kinda got a chance. went out with whitters and andy on thursday night.son't really knokw what to think about it all. i mean i had fun but i think i try to hard. i said two things that pissed andy off and spent the rest of the time tryin to fix it. i explained things to whitters and she understands. she says we're very alike. maby that's it. maybe we're too much alike. is that possible. i'm not sayin i went in there expecting anything cause i didn't, i just wanted to hang with someone like me and i fucked it up. and apparantly she's been chillin with dana a lot. i can't do anything about that but all i know about dana is that she's overly jealous and overprotective and can be downright mean. i don't like her cause she hurt mary and andy and now she's gonna do it again. and i have to sit here and watch. and whitters has to watch also. but i talked to whitters a while cause andy was in her car and i told whitters that i'd hang with her when andy was busy. so we'll see. not as confused this go round cause i put part of my heart away so it won't get hurt. and i know that i don't HAVE to hang with andy. i like to but sometimes things don't happen like you want them to. life is like that too damn much. going to dallas with the girls tomorrow with audj's mom and shawn. and i think we're taking jay. he did real well last weekend. hopefully it'll work that way again. i think i want to work on a piece in pencil. i havn't done one in a while. i have an indian picture i want to use. i'll have to trace it and then fill in the details. we'll see. maybe i'll get a scanner up and running and i can put some pics up here of some of the work i do. you found some better place... and i miss you like the deserts miss the rain and i miss you like the deserts miss the rain there's so much i want to do . here i am, almost 21 and i haven't done much of anything. i admitt that it's a good thing that i'm going to school and i have a job but dude. i graduated high school in 99 and i still haven't started to party yet. this sucks. i want to travel. i want to go to a sweat lodge. i want to go camping. i want to go bungee jumping. i want to have a recording studio. i want to fall madly in love with someone. i want to own my own business. i want to get a run down bike or car and fix it up. i want to have a bunch of friends over for an all night party. i want to stay up all night talking to someone and go home and crash with a huge smile on my face cause i connected with someone. i want to travel to another country and photograph my experiences. i want to make a music video. i want to be a writer for saturday night live or mad tv. then i want to be on saturday night live or mad tv. i want to be on who's line is it anyway. then i want to ask the guitar chick her "how YOU doin!?" i want to play drums in a band. i want to find a way to express the way all four of my girls make me feel. then i want to show them their impact. i want to get more tattoos and then regret the hell out of it when i'm older. then i want to realize that it's all a right of passage to another time. being born was a right of passage. typing this entry is a right of passage. if i ate the bill of rights, i would eventually have a passage of rights. i want to start a not for profit agency and help someone out, give someone a hand when they need it. i want to be 30. i don't see that happening. when it happens, i'll wonder where it went. i don't want to see my friends go before me but if they do, i want someone there to give me a shoulder to lean on. i want to fly a plane. i want to fly a kite. i want to fly. but other than that, i'm not a selfish person.....heh, heh. after it's all been said and done. i want someone to say "i'm glad that you lived cause it gave me reason to live and you mattered to me." ok, i'm finished. PEACE OUT HOMESESESES |