| sittin here lonely on a saturday night. figured i'd get some laundry done cause i'm out of clothes. and i feel like cleaning. only two times i feel like cleaning, when i'm moving out or moving in somewhere, and when things are messed up inside (psychology sucks doesn't it?). so my room is like a mess. it's almost the worst it's ever been but i can understand why. i've let it go since i got out of high school. and for almost a year now, i'm not home at night till bed time. i know, i know. not an excuse....anyway, i feel messed up on the inside so i figured i'd straighten up a wee bit. started on my closet, takin out shit i don't want. and there it was layin on the floor. his ring. i thought for sure i had given it back to him when he left me. he later wrote to me that since i hadn't given it back that i probably wanted it to keep. i haven't talked to him in almost a year. i am a different person now. so much he doesn't know. so much has happened and....don't know what to do with it. don't want to call him to give it back. it costs too much to throw off of a mountain. i remember when he gave it to me. god, his fingers are huge compared to mine. it didn't fit. not even on my thumb. so i got a sizer thingy for it. i guess in all that hell i went through for two weeks, i must have dropped it and it ended up on my closet floor. so now what? also found the shorts he'd wear. soccer shorts. they're mine, he'd just wear them when he came over. sucks. don't want to do this anymore. can't deal. too hard. i hate this time of year. i hate every goddam day that's like today was. just one more thing to make you remember how alone you are and how it doesn't matter that it's a nice day and it doesn't matter how you did in school or at work. you still have no one to come home to at the end of the day. enough for now. later |
| i was alright for a while i could smile for a while then i saw you last night you held my hand so tight when you stopped to say hello you wished me well you couldn't tell that i'd been crying over you crying over you then you said so long left me standing all alone alone and crying crying crying crying it's hard to understand how the touch of your hand can start me crying i thought that i was over you but it's true so true i love you even more than i did before oh darling what can i do no you don't love me and i'll always be crying over you now you're gone and from this moment on i'll be crying crying crying crying yeah crying crying over you |
| this kinda describes me right now. just can't catch a break. and the way kd sings it.....she knows the pain i'm in right now. you can feel it in her voice. and when she hits those high notes, i can physically feel it in my chest. i like to thing it's my heart singing along saying 'you tell em honey, sing it like you mean it.' anyway, that's enough for tonight. i'm sleepy and i might go with audj and mary to her mom's. i'll need sleep for that. one love |