| hey, long uh....well, you know......i don't know about all this. she makes me all kinds of confused. she said some things but i don't know if she means it or if she's playin games with me. i don't know. and i want to believe her. i want to so bad...but then again. if i give in, i don't know for sure that i won't get my heart broken again. i was sittin in class yesterday thinkin about all this and i was writing. this is what i wrote: |
| i made it. i'm tired and it's fuckin cold but i made it. that wind is blowin HARD out there. and it actully sleeted there for a minute or two. ok. i konw i've already talked about it today, but i can't stop thinking about her. how she had her hand on my leg adn even after i told her my knees were tickelish, she still stuck her fingers in th holes in my jeands. and the thing is i didn't mind. damn. i'm letting her get to me. she's not mine. her heart belongs to someone else. so i don't knowwhy do this to myself. even now i'm saying 'fuck it! i told you so!' so i'm stuck. should i just never see or talk to her? should i avoid her and everything about her at all cost? on, yes...i don't know. i'm having trouble stepping far enough back to see the big picture. |
| i wrote much more than that, but i'm not gonna keep going cause i realize how stupid i sound. sitting here complaining about this. i'm stuck here and i should just stop and see what happens. yea that sounds good. i'll do that today and i'll wing it tomorrow. peace |