| i really hate the feeling of being stuck. held against my will. the never changing question: should i stay or should i go? i'm staying cause i don't want to eventually hear aobut it from my parents.a nd if i did leave, where would i go? home isn't really a physical place right now. i could (and probably will end up) at the apartment. but i just feel like i don't fit in anywhere. like i'm just in the way. the inevitable 3rd wheel. i'm sittin thinking ot this chick that's in a few of my classes. she's keeping me company cause we're int he library. i hate this class and i don't thinkd the teach likes me. my homework wouldn't open on these macs. i hate macs. i really do. now i have to do the whole thing over again PLUS the shit that's due next time. the only consolation is that i have two weeks to do it cause next week is a holiday. thank god. my meds are fuckin with my head. i'm serious. one minute i'll be absolutly hyper and then something will happen and i'll be seriously bummed. and i'm completely uncomfortable. i'm serious. what bugs me the most are my knees. they hurt whatever position i'm in. yesterday sucked. got gonna say why. it was my fault and i'll leave it at that. but it's all good now. mary said so. and audj isn't too pissed cause she gave me this kokopeli stamp and ink. it was for valentines day and all. it's her time of year to shine and even thought i don't deserve it, i'll take it. one hour left of this miserable class. he ws supposed to be here 20 minutes ago but he isn't....i'm gonna stay. not gonna go. |
| her book is lying on the bed the two of hearts to mark her page now who could ever wald away at chapter 21 so she can't be really gone i don't know when she'll come back she must intend to come back i've seen the error of my ways don't waste a tear on me what more proof do you need just look around the room so much of her remains her book is lying on the bed the two of hearts to mark her page now who could ever walk away with so much left undone so she can't be really gone no she can't be really gone |
| just a musical interlude ther. it's been stuck in my head all day. i'm over it. i go to shrink tomorrow. little nervous. kinda glad cause i'll finally know what's wrong. but what if they don't finkd anythin? what if i am normal. this feeling CAN'T be normal. we'll see. PEACE |