| been a long couple of days.tired. that's mostly it. tired. my dad took my mom back to the hospital last night. she came home and was ok for one night but then last night he took her back. dude, i don't know. i'm still kinda stuck here. i have a shrink appointment on monday. i don't want to go cause i don't know that i'm strong enough to hold back and i don't want everyting to come out. (ha, ha. i made a funny) talked to audj last night and we all might get to go camping or something when mary has a vacation. that sounds like fun and all but i don't know that we'll be able to afford it. i'm even debating getting my tattoo. i could stop by my work and pick up my check but if i do i don't trust myself enough to not spend it. so i'm probably gonna just gonna get it on monday and save some so we can have a bitchin party or save for some furniture. any way, i know september seems like forever away but when you look at it like paychecks, it's not that far at all. ok, i think i'll go take a shower and then go to school. i'll write more tomorrow. later. 12:01pm can't take this mess anymore, can't do this anymore. i went to the store to get something to drink and snack on and i needed gas to get to school. well the guy there told me to get the entire five dollars in gas. see, whenever i need gas i go and give them a 5 or even 2 bucks and then i go pump my gas. well, it always stops before it gets to the 5 dollar mark. the numbers will ruin but no gas will come out. i'm a hurried persona nd i don't have time ot wait on their mess so i won't sit there and wait for their munbers to run. i i just leave. i've tried to tell thim that i'm gettin jipped 11 cents but they all look at me like i'm crazy. well, today the guy comes out and pumps my gas for me. well, of course it works. i know what the problem is. they're setting the pump to stop. so basically i'm not getting gas from there any way. they jack up the prices of everythin. now i have to go to this class. i like the teacher but the subject doesn't interest me, at least today. i do like that i dont have to work on thursdays and most fridays though. gotta love that. she still invades my dreams, creeps into my thoughts, tormenting me, i know it's subconcious longing for contact only taking the form of her but still it's her, she's in my head, digging though to the outside, and i'm stuck in here in my own box of sorts, trying to dig my own way thorough. digging a holw that's just large enough to get my arm out, to touch someone, and try to feel normal. ok, 40 minutes till class starts. i guess i'll go in and finish this there... should have known, some kind of teacher meeting. mr abraham just stopped by and i talked to him about colorado. he says that i sound ready. it's good to have a plan and stick to it. that's what i'm trying to do. later |