not sure what day - 2:48pm
long day. my mom woke me up at 9:30 this morning and asked me to take her to the hospital. i got up and got dressed and took her. i just got back 20 minutes ago. i had to shower and since my dad finally showed up, i came home to take one. feel like shit. i hate it when this happens. this is the third time. she had a diabetic reaction cause her blood sugar was 500-something. luckily we were at the hospital when she started to have the reaction. i hate it when that happens. she can't remember anything like where she is. she'll think she's at work or home. this time, she threw the spitoon thingy on the floor and told me to put water in it for the dog and cat. and then she said something about page 39 or 39 pages. scares me. i don't like knowing that someone can loose control like that. just one heartbeat away from loosing it and can't do anything about it. took daddy 2 1/2 hours to finally get to the hospital. hate that. he's supposed to fix it. he's supposed to take care of her, not me. they're supposed to take care of me. hate that. can't even take care of myself, how am i supposed to take care of her. hate this...hate feeling so helpless. hate this.
i have a headace from crying and thinking. and we don't have any pain killer in the house. i'm going to get some but i can't leave the house till my clothes are dry cause i got nothing to wear. so i'm sitting here, waiting. i'm listening to kd lang....crying over you, crying over you. now you're gone, from this moment on, i'll be crying, crying, crying, crying, crying........i'm pissed with myself. my mom was in pain and agony and all i could do was sit there and hope daddy would show up so i could leave her be. there wasn't anything i could do....they poked her like a pin cushon trying to get a vein for the iv. they even used a child's needle and couldn't get it. i hate seeing my mom hurt. nothing i could do. well, that's all for now. i'm gonna get my clothes and then grab some lunch and then i'll head to the appartment and hopefully get some rest. i'm tired. later days |
