Dear Ian,
It will be 3 years in February since I last saw your smiling face, last heard you voice, last felt your touch, its been so hard Boo, I never thought I'd come this far without you, so much has happened since you left, Connor took his first steps, spoke his first words started school, Emilys grown up, shes in year 3 at school now and doing so well, I`ve got my second dan in karate, started coaching football again, I`ve turned 30 now, which I find so hard to accept I am now the age you were when you left us, next year I`ll be older then you which is so hard to take in, how can I be older then my big bro?. I miss you so much I remember the day you left so well and its hard to see past that day, I want to remember everything about our childhood, things we did, places we went, jokes we laughed at, but its all so blurred, all I remember is that your gone, I remember the paramedics taking you out the house, the fear on your face and its that image that haunts me, for the first time in my life I saw you scared and there was nothing I could do to help you, the last words you said was " see you later " that later never came, by the time I got to hospital you were really ill and did not want to see anyone, we wanted to see you, you should have let us decide Boo, I know you were ill and your pride got in the way, you did not want us to see you wired up, but it did not matter to me how you looked I would give anything if I could go back and come into the room and just tell you how much I love you, I dont blame ya Boo I do understand. Mam is totaly devestated I worry about her so much, she had a stroke recently, I am so scared of losing her to, I couldn`t bare it if I did, please watch over her Boo, our Bruce died last year too my best mate and I miss him terribly, I do get some comfort knowing you will be looking after him, he got ill after you left and we had to make the decision to have him put to sleep, it was for the best we did not want to see him go in pain, I hope you and Bruce both understand, Bruce you meant so much to us, we couldn`t stand to see you suffer pal, please forgive me, xxx life carries on without you Ian but the gaping hole you left will always be there, I miss you every second of the day, I cry secret tears when I`m alone, I never thought I would ever lose one of my brothers, I miss telling you things, I miss you telling me things, I miss every little thing about you even the things that used to annoy me, we were not just brother and sister but best mates too, I was and always will be proud of you, I love and miss you so much Ian, just want you to come home, take care my bro love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
