To my big bro Ian,
Well Boo it will be 3 years in 2 weeks, I still cant believe I am still here, I am surviving daily life, but it never takes away the pain of losing you, your on my mind 24-7, the guilt, the hurt, the missing you never goes away, my big brother gone from my sight, I've lost count of the times I've wanted to tell you something, I`ll do something or Emily will and I think to myself cant wait to tell Boo, then I realize your not there and my heart sinks, Connors 4th birthday on the 9th wow yes he's 4 bless him, he's so much like you mischeviouse, funny and always smiling, a helicopter flew over me today and out of the blue Connor says my daddy in that copter, bless him he knows your in heaven and that heaven is in the sky poor little fella I really feel for him somtimes, somtimes it hurts to look at him, not because I dont like him its just thats he's so much like you and it makes me realize what i've lost, what he's lost his devoted daddy. I love Connor to bits and will always be there for him just as you were for Emily. I love you Ian so much and its so unfair, why take you, you never hurt anyone, all you did was to love your family, there was so much left unspoken, the day you left lives on forever its relived every day, I've been so low latley but still put on a mask for all to see, I`ve been gonna bed and just lay awake thinking of you, trying to think of things we used to do but still the day you left clouds my memories, I want you here with me, with us all, mam is so devestated, I cant say anything to ease her pain, I only wish I could, she needs you Ian, .. I wish you back every second of this miserable life, is that selfish of me, I dunno, I never thought I could get this far, I honestly don't know how I've done it, I try to go on Ian coz it's what you would want, you hated to see me upset, so I try and do it for you, I hope I make you proud of me again coz I know I let you down in the end. I love you Ian, please stay.... look after mam she needs you,..... we all do.... I miss you bro, what more can I say.
Love your heartbroken little sis Sara xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
